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MUCH ADO ABOUT

NOTHING

ACT I

SCENE I. LEONATO's Orchard.

Enter LEONATO, Governor of Messina, INNOGEN his Wife, HERO his Daughter, BEATRICE his Niece, with a Messenger.

LEON. I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon comes this night to Messina.

MESS. He is very near by this; he was not three leagues off when I left him.

LEON. How many gentlemen have you lost in this action? MESS. But few of any sort,' and none of name. LEON. A victory is twice itself, when the achiever brings home full numbers. I find here that Don Pedro hath bestow'd much honour on a young Florentine call'd Claudio.

IO

MESS. Much deserv'd on his part, and equally remember'd by Don Pedro. He hath borne himself

beyond the promise of his age; doing in the figure of a lamb the feats of a lion: he hath, indeed, better better'd expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how.

LEON. He hath an uncle, here in Messina, will be very much glad of it.

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MESS. I have already deliver'd him letters, and there appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could not shew itself modest enough without a badge of bitterness.

LEON. Did he break out into tears?

MESS. In great measure.

1 quality.

ACT I LEON. A kind overflow of kindness: there are no faces Sc. I truer than those that are so wash'd. How much better it is to weep at joy than to joy at weeping! BEAT. I pray you, is Signior Montanto1 return'd from the wars or no?

MESS. I know none of that name, Lady; there was none such in the army of any sort.

LEON. What is he that you ask for, Niece?

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HERO. My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua. MESS. O, he's return'd; and as pleasant as ever he was. BEAT. He set up his bills2 here in Messina, and challeng'd Cupid at the flight: and my uncle's Fool, reading the challenge, subscrib'd for Cupid, and challeng'd him at the burbolt. I pray you, how many hath he kill'd and eaten in these wars? But how many hath he kill'd? for, indeed, I promis'd to eat all of his killing. LEON. 'Faith, Niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.

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MESS. He hath done good service, Lady, in these wars. BEAT. You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it: he is a very valiant trencher-man, he hath an excellent stomach.

MESS. And a good soldier too, Lady.

BEAT. And a good soldier to a lady; but what is he to a lord?

MESS. A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuff'd with all honourable virtues.

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BEAT. It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuff'd man.
But for the stuffing—well, we are all mortal!
LEON. You must not, Sir, mistake my niece: there is a
kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her:
they never meet but there is a skirmish of wit between
them.

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BEAT. Alas, he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict, four of his five wits" went halting off, and now is the whole man govern'd with one: so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his 2 bills of challenge.

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1 a straight upright thrust' (Italian fencers').

3 shafts (archers').

4 a blunt, short arrow used in birding.

'common wit, fantasy, imagination, estimation, memory.'

6 the distinguishing mark in the coat borne by several branches of one family.

horse for it is all the wealth that he hath left, to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother. MESS. Is 't possible?

BEAT. Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as the
fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the next block.1
MESS. I see, Lady, the gentleman is not in your books. 69
BEAT. No; an he were, I would burn my study.

But,

I pray you, who is his companion? Is there no young
squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the
Devil?

MESS. He is most in the company of the right noble
Claudio.

BEAT. O, Lord! he will hang upon him like a disease:
he is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker
runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if
he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a
thousand pound ere he be cur'd.

MESS. I will hold friends with you, Lady.

BEAT. Do, good friend.

LEON. You'll ne'er run mad, Niece.

BEAT. No; not till a hot January.

MESS. Don Pedro is approach'd.

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BALTHAZAR, and JOHN the Bastard.

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D. PEDRO. Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your trouble: the fashion of the World is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.

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LEON. Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your Grace: for Trouble being gone, Comfort should remain; but when you depart from me, Sorrow abides, and Happiness takes his leave.

D. PEDRO. You embrace your charge too willingly. I
think this is your daughter.

LEON. Her mother hath many times told me so.
BENE. Were you in doubt that you ask'd her?
LEON. Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.
D. PEDRO. You have it full, Benedick: we may guess
by this what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady

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ACT I

Sc. I

ACT I
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fathers herself. Be happy, Lady, for you are like an honourable father.

ΤΟΙ

BENE. If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not
have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as like
him as she is.

BEAT. I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior
Benedick: nobody marks you.

BENE. What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
BEAT. Is it possible Disdain should die, while she hath
such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick?
Courtesy itself must convert1 to Disdain, if you come
in her presence.

III

BENE. Then is Courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am lov'd of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.

BEAT. A dear happiness2 to women: they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood I am of your humour for that: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

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BENE. God keep your Ladyship still in that mind! so some gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate scratch'd face.

BEAT. Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such a face as your's were.

BENE. Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

BEAT. A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of your's. BENE. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer ! But keep your way i' God's name; I have done.

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BEAT. You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

D. PEDRO. This is the sum of all: Leonato-Signior Claudio and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at the least a month; and he heartily prays some occasion may detain us longer: I dare swear he is no hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

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LEON. If you swear, my Lord, you shall not be forsworn.

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[to DON JOHN.] Let me bid you welcome, my Lord:
being reconcil'd to the Prince your brother, I owe
you all duty.

D. JOHN. I thank you: I am not of many words, but
I thank you.

LEON. Please it your Grace lead on?

D. PEDRO. Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.

[Exeunt all but BENEDICK and CLAUDIO.

CLAUD. Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior
Leonato ?

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BENE. I noted her not; but I look'd on her.
CLAUD. Is she not a modest young lady?
BENE. Do you question me, as an honest man should
do, for my simple true judgment? or would you have
me speak after my custom, as being a profess'd tyrant
to their sex?

CLAUD. No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.
BENE. Why, i'faith, methinks she's too low for a high
praise, too brown for a fair praise, and too little for a
great praise: only this commendation I can afford her;
that were she other than she is, she were unhandsome;
and, being no other but as she is, I do not like her. 160
CLAUD. Thou think'st I am in sport; I pray thee, tell
me truly how thou lik'st her.

BENE. Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?
CLAUD. Can the world buy such a jewel?

BENE. Yea; and a case to put it into. But speak you
this with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting jack,
to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder,' and Vulcan a
rare carpenter ?2 Come, in what key shall a man take
you, to go3 in the song?

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CLAUD. In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever
I look'd on.
BENE. I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such
matter: there's her cousin, an she were not possess'd
with a Fury, exceeds her as much in beauty as the
first of May doth the last of December. But I hope
you have no intent to turn husband, have you?
CLAUD. I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn
the contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

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1 not blind but especially sharp-sighted. 2 a bad smith but a fine workman in wood. 3 join.

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ACT I
Sc. I

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