ACT III
Sc. II

that you know: if you will follow me, I will shew you enough; and, when you have seen more, and heard more, proceed accordingly.

CLAUD. If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry her; to-morrow in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her.

D. PEDRO. And, as I woo'd for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her.

D. JOHN. I will disparage her no further till you are my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue shew itself.

D. PEDRO. O day untowardly turn'd!

CLAUD. O mischief strangely thwarting!

D. JOHN. O plague right well prevented! So will you say when you have seen the sequel.

[exeunt.

SCENE III. A Street.

Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES, with the Watch.

DOG. Are you good men and true?

VERG. Yea; or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation, body and soul.

DOG. Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the Prince's Watch.

VERG. Well, give them their charge,' Neighbour Dogberry.

ΙΟ

DOG. First, who think you the most desartless man to
be Constable?
FIRST WATCH. Hugh Oatcake, Sir, or George Seacole;
for they can write and read.

DOG. Come hither, Neighbour Seacole. God hath bless'd
you with a good name: to be a well-favour'd man is
the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by

nature.

17

SEC. WATCH. Both which, Master Constable-
DOG. You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,
for your favour, Sir, why, give God thanks, and make
no boast of it; and for your writing and reading, let

1 commission and instruction.

the

Sc. III

that appear when there is no need of such vanity. You ACT III are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the Constable of the Watch; therefore bear you lantern. This is your charge: You shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man stand, in the Prince's name.

SEC. WATCH. How if 'a will not stand?

DOG. Why, then take no note of him, but let him go; and presently call the rest of the Watch together, and thank God you are rid of a knave.

30

VERG. If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the Prince's subjects.

DOG. True, and they are to meddle with none but the

Prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in the streets; for for the Watch to babble and talk is most tolerable, and not to be endur'd.

SEC. WATCH. We will rather sleep than talk: we know what belongs to a Watch.

38

DOG. Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet Watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only, have a care that your bills' be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid them that are drunk get them to bed.

SEC. WATCH. How if they will not?

DOG. Why, then let them alone till they are sober: if they make you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the men you took them for.

SEC. WATCH. Well, Sir.

48

DOG. If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why, the more is for your honesty.

SEC. WATCH. If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

DOG. Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they

that touch pitch will be defil'd: the most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him shew himself what he is, and steal out of your company. VERG. You have been always call'd a merciful man, Partner.

1 watchmen's weapons.

60

ACT III DOG. Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much Sc. III more a man, who hath any honesty in him.

VERG. If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nurse, and bid her still it.

SEC. WATCH. How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

DOG. Why, then depart in peace, and let the child wake

her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her lamb
when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.
VERG. "Tis very true.
DOG. This is the end of the charge: you, Constable, are
to present the Prince's own person: if you meet the
Prince in the night, you may stay him.

VERG. Nay, by 'r Lady, that I think 'a cannot.
DOG. Five shillings to one on 't, with any man that
knows the Statues, he may stay him: marry, not
without the Prince be willing; for, indeed, the Watch
ought to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a
man against his will.

VERG. By 'r Lady, I think it be so.

80

DOG. Ha, ah-ha!1 Well, Masters, good night: an there be any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your fellows' counsels and your own;2 and good night. Come, Neighbour.

FIRST WATCH. Well, Masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.

DOG. One word more, honest Neighbours. I pray you, watch about Signior Leonato's door: for, the wedding being there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night. Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.

91

[Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES.

Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE.

BORA. What, Conrade!

FIRST WATCH. [aside.] Peace! stir not.

BORA. Conrade, I say !

CON. Here, man; I am at thy elbow.

BORA. Mass, and my elbow itch'd; I thought there

3 'by the Mass' (as

4 (with a play on the right meaning) a vile creature.

CON. I will owe thee an answer for that: and now ACT III forward with thy tale.

99

Sc. III

BORA. Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house,1 for

it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all2 to thee.

FIRST WATCH. [aside.] Some treason, Masters: yet stand close.

BORA. Therefore know I have earn'd of Don John a thousand ducats.

CON. Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear? BORA. Thou should'st rather ask if it were possible any villainy should be so rich; for, when rich villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what price they will.

CON. I wonder at it.

III

BORA. That shews thou art unconfirm'd. Thou knowest that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

CON. Yes; it is apparel.

BORA. I mean, the fashion.

CON. Yes; the fashion is the fashion.

BORA. Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool.

But

see'st thou not what a deform'd thief this fashion is? 120
FIRST WATCH. [aside.] I know that Deform'd; 'a has
been a vile thief this seven year; 'a goes up and down
like a gentleman: I remember his name.
BORA. Didst thou not hear somebody?
CON. No; 'twas the vane on the house.

BORA. See'st thou not, I say, what a deform'd thief this
fashion is? how giddily he turns about all the hot
bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty? some-
time fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers in the
reechy painting, sometime like god Bel's priests in the
old church-window, sometime like the shaven Hercules
in the smirch'd worm-eaten tapestry, where his cod-
piece seems as massy as his club?
CON. All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears
out more apparel than the man. But art not thou
thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast
shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?

1 pronounce pentice. II: F

2 in vino veritas; borracho is Spanish for drinker.
4 smoke-soiled.
41

3 deforming.

133

Sc. III

ACT III BORA. Not so, neither: but know that I have to-night woo'd Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress' chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good night -I tell this tale vilely: I should first tell thee how the Prince, Claudio, and my master, planted and plac'd and possess'd' by my master Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter. CON. And thought thy Margaret was Hero? BORA. Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio; but the Devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths, which first possess'd them, partly by the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did confirm any slander that Don John had made, away went Claudio enrag'd, swore he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning at the Temple, and there, before the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night, and send her home again without a husband. FIRST WATCH. We charge you, in the Prince's name, stand!

SEC. WATCH. Call up the right Master Constable. We have here recover'd the most dangerous piece of lechery, that ever was known in the Commonwealth. 161 FIRST WATCH. And one Deform'd is one of them: I know him; 'a wears a lock.2

CON. Masters, Masters

SEC. WATCH. You'll be made bring Deform'd forth, I warrant you.

CON. Masters

FIRST WATCH. Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.

BORA. We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of these men's bills.5

4

CON. A commodity in question," I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.

3 merchandise. 5(1) accounts, (2) weapons.

1 inspired.
2 love-lock: a long curl worn under the ear.
(1) to apprehend, (2) to buy on credit.

subject to judicial inquiry.