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Some are good, and let dearly; while some, 'tis well
Are so dear, and so bad, they are best let alone.—
Will Waddle, whose temper was studious and lonely,
He entered his rooms, and to bed he retreated:
Next night, 'twas the same !—and the next! and the next!
In six months his acquaintance began much to doubt him;
The Doctor looked wise :-"A slow fever," he said:
"Look ye, landlord, I think," argued Will with a grin,
In airing your sheets, Sir, my wife is no sloven;
"The oven!!!" says Will ;-says the host, "Why this passion?
In that excellent bed died three people of fashion! Why so crusty, good Sir?"-"Zounds !" cried Will in a taking,
"Who would not be crusty, with a half a year's baking?"
THE FAT ACTOR AND THE RUSTIC.-New Monthly Magazine.
Cardinal Wolsey was a man
Of an unbounded stomach, Shakspeare says,
But had he seen a player in our days
Which is, moreover, all alive and real.
To visit every clime between the poles,
Must not, in this proceeding be mistaken;
He found himself at Lille one afternoon,
With sight of streams, and trees, and snowy fleeces,
Pulled out his watch, and cried-" Past nine;
He couldn't gallop, trot, or canter,
(Those who had seen him would confess it) he
Eyeing his watch, and now his forehead mopping,
"Tell ine," he panted in a thawing state,
THE OLD CHEESE, OR THE HUSBAND ONLY FIT TO BE
Young Slouch, the farmer, had a jolly wife,
Say Slouch could hardly call his own;
His friends thought this was a tyrannic rule,
He said, "that the next Tuesday noon would show "Whether he were the lord at home, or no, "When their good company he would entreat "To well-brewed ale, and clean, if homely, meat.”
With aching heart, home to his wife he goes, And on his knees does his rash act disclose, And prays dear Sukey-that, one day, at least, He might appear as master of the feast.
"I'll grant your wish," cries Sue," that you may see "Twere wisdom to be governed still by me."
The guests upon the day appointed, came; Each hearty farmer and his simpering dame.
"Ho, Sue!" cries Slouch," why dost thou not appear? "Are these thy manners when Aunt Snap is here?" "I pardon ask," says Sue; "I'd not offend "Any my dear invites; much less his friend."
Slouch by his kinsman Gruffy had been taught
"The soup is burnt;"" the beef's not done enough;"
"The bacon's rusty;" "And the fowls are tough;" "The veal's all rags ;" "the butter's turned to oil;" "And thus I buy good food for sluts to spoil!"
"We are the only Slouches ever sat "Down to a pudding without plums or fat.""Why must old pigeons, and they stale be drest "When there's so many squab ones in the nest ?" "This wine is sour;"-the cider, thick and stale, “And worse than any thing, except the ale."
Sue, all this while, many excuses made; Some things she own'd; at other times she laid The fault on chance; but oftener on the maid.
Then cheese was brought. Says Slouch, “This e'en shall roll;
"I'm sure 'tis hard enough to make a bowl."
But now Sue's patience did begin to waste; Nor longer could dissimulation last.
Pray let me rise," says she, "my dear!-I'll find "A cheese, perhaps, may be to Lovey's mind !"
Then in an entry standing close, where he
"I'll try, my Joy!" she cried, "if I can please 'My dearest with a taste of his Old Cheese!"
Slouch, turning round, saw his wife's vigorous hand Wielding her oaken sapling of command.
He knew the twang. "Is't the Old Cheese? my dear! "No need, no need of cheese," cries Slouch, "I'll swear: "I think I've dined as well as my Lord Mayor!"
THE MARCH TO MOSCOW.
Bonaparte he would set out
For a summer excursion to Moscow;