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SCENE changes to the Street.
Enter Antipholis of Syracufe.
HE gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Is wander'd forth in care to feek me out.
By computation, and mine host's report,
How now, Sir, is your merry humour alter'd ?
S. Dro. What answer, Sir? when spake I such a word ?
Ant. Even now, even here, not half an hour fince. S. Dro. I did not fee you fince you fent me hence Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me. Ant. Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt; And told'st me of a mistress, and a dinner; For which, I hope, thou felt'ft I was difpleas'd.
S. Dro. I'm glad to see you in this merry vein What means this jeft, I pray you, mafter, tell me? Ant. Yea, doft thou jeer and flout me in the teeth? Think'ft thou, I jeft? hold, take thou that, and that. [Beats Dromio. S. Dro. Hold, Sir, for God's fake, now your jeft is earnest ;
Upon what bargain do you give it me?
Ant. Because that I familiarly fometimes
you will jeft with me, know my aspect, And fashion your demeanour to my looks; Or I will beat this method in your fconce.
S. Dro. Sconce, call you it? fo you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head; an you use these blows long, I muft get a fconce for my head, and infconce it too, or elfe I fhall feek my wit in my fhoulders: but, I pray, Sir, why am I beaten ?
Ant. Doft thou not know?
S. Dro. Nothing, Sir, but that I am beaten.
S. Dro. Ay, Sir, and wherefore; for, they fay, every why hath a wherefore.
Ant. Why, firft, for flouting me; and then wherefore, for urging it the second time to me.
S. Dro. Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
When, in the why, and wherefore, is neither rhime nor reafon ?
Well, Sir, I thank you,"
Ant. Thank me, Sir, for what?
S. Dro. Marry, Sir, for this fomething that you gave me for nothing.
Ant. I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for fomething. But fay, Sir, is it dinner time?
S. Dro. No, Sir, I think, the meat wants that I have.
Ant. In good time, Sir; what's that?
S. Dro. Bafting.
Ant. Well, Sir, then 'twill be dry.
S. Dro. If it be, Sir, I pray you eat none of it.
S. Dro. Left it make you cholerick, and purchase me another dry-bafting.
Ant. Well, Sir, learn to jest in good time; there's a time for all things.
S. Dro. I durit have deny'd that, before you were fo cholerick.
Ant. By what rule, Sir?
S. Dro. Marry, Sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of father Time himself.
Ant. Let's hear it.
S. Dro. There's no time for a man to recover his hair, that grows bald by nature.
Ant. May he not do it by fine and recovery?
S. Dro. Yes, to pay a fine for a peruke, and recover the loft hair of another man.
(4) Ant. Why is Time fuch a niggard of hair, being, as it is, fo plentiful an excrement ?
S. Dro. Because it is a bleffing that he beftows on beafts; and what he hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.
Ant. Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.
S. Dro. Not a man of those, but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
Ant. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
S. Dro. The plainer dealer, the fooner loft; yet he lofeth it in a kind of jollity.
Ant. For what reafon ?
S. Dro. For two, and found ones too.
Ant. Nay, not fure in a thing falling.
Ant. Name them."
S. Dro. The one to fave the money that he spends in tyring, the other, that at dinner they fhould not drop in his porridge.
(4) Ant. Why is Time fuch a niggard of Hair, being, as it it, Jo plentiful an Excrement?
S. Dro. Because it is a Blessing that be beftows on Beafts, and what he bath fcanted them in bair, be bath given them in Wit.] Surely this is Mock-reasoning, and a Contradiction in Sense. Can Hair be fuppos'd a Bleffing, which Time bestows on Beafts peculiarly; and yet that he hath fcanted them of it too? Men and Them, I observe, are very frequently mistaken vice verså for each other, in the old Impreffions of our Author.
Ant. You would all this time have prov'd, there is no time for all things.
S. Dro, Marry, and did, Sir; namely, no time to recover hair loft by nature.
Ant. But your reason was not fubftantial, why there is no time to recover.
S. Dro. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore to the world's end will have bald followers,
Ant. I knew, 'twould be a bald conclufion: but, foft! who wafts us yonder ?
Enter Adriana, and Luciana.
Adr. Ay, ay, Antipholis, look ftrange and frown, Some other mistress hath thy fweet aspects:
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife,
The time was once, when thou, unurg'd, would'st vow,
Am better than thy dear felf's better part.
As take from me thyfelf; and not me too.
And from my falfe hand cut the wedding ring,
I know thou canft; and therefore, fee, thou do it.
My blood is mingled with the crime of luft:
Keep then fair league, and truce with thy true bed;
Ant. Plead you to me, fair dame, I know you not!
As ftrange unto your town as to your talk.
Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,
Luc Fie, brother! how the world is chang'd with you;
When were you wont to use my fifter thus?
She fent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
S. Dro. By me?
Adr. By thee; and thus thou didst return from him, That he did buffet thee; and in his blows
Deny'd my house for his, me for his wife.
Ant. Did you converfe, Sir, with this gentlewoman? What is the course and drift of your compact?
S. Dro. I, Sir? I never faw her 'till this time.
S. Dro. I never spoke with her in all my life.
Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity,
(5) I live diftain'd, thou undishonour'd] To distaine (from the French Word, deftaindre) fignifies, to ftain, defile, pollute. But the Context requires a sense quite oppofite. We must either read, unftain'd; or, by adding an Hyphen, and giving the Prepofition a privative Force, read dif-ftain'd; and then it will mean, unftain'd, undefiled.