Why is a man's coat larger when he pulls it out of a carpet bag? Because he finds it in-creases.
What constellation most resembles an empty fire place? Some one says the "Grate Bare."
When are people's toes like oaks? When they bear ache-corns.
What is figurative speaking? The action of a dumb person.
When is a huntsman like a bean? When he's a scarlet runner.
When is a soldier like an author? When he's in-tent.
Why are tradesmen like birds?
Because they get their living
What number of small insects form the pride and wealth of a country gentleman? Ten-ants.
I am you'll think a paradox or worse,
A friend, a foe, a blessing, or a curse;
I'm much admired, by housewives and by cooks,
And oft by farmers curs'd with crabbed looks;
So that my presence, and my absence too,
Are both desired, and that by not a few;
Famine and plenty too, I cause, 'tis plain,
And an antidote as well as bane;
The nuptial noose I can dissolve with ease,
And have the heart to please and to displease;
The fairest ladies lips (what harm in this
Since by their leave) I oft presume to kiss,
Assist in dressing them both night and morn,
And their dear persons charmingly adorn;
I'm overbearing and subservient both,
Though to submit sometimes I seem so loath;
When I'm most useful, then I'm least regarded,
And though I suit all tastes, by some discarded;
Useful, destruction, death; of health the fountain,
A fluid, solid, valley, and a mountain;
Hot, cold, uneven, smooth, hard and soft,
And where in greatest plenty, wanted oft;
In me of miracles the subject's seen,
Of armies, too, the overthrow I've been;
I've caus'd in short, to end this tedious lecture,
In all the world the finest architecture.-WATER.
J. S. HIRON, PRINTER, MARKET PLACE, DEDDINGTON.