Ohio is his "Buckeye" lass, His "Sweet Queen" Maryland; Miss Maine he calls his "Lumber yard," To all he gaily flings. Missouri beams the "Central Star," Or when he would her pride expand, Miss California, we shall find, His "Silver sheen " Nevada holds, 66 Big Bend" is Tennessee. South Carolina hears his call, "Palmetto" in her hand; New Jersey's grit he honors much, She is his "Child of Sand." "Green Mountain " lass he hails Vermont, Nebraska, "Blizzard home; "Pan Handle," clipped from "Old Douain, Is West Virginia tome. His "Bayou" Mississippi is, New Hampshire "Granite" pride; Louisiana, "Sugar State," His "Creole" doth abide. “Jayhawker" Kansas, most he calls Miss Minnesota "Gopher" State, Kentucky is his "Blue Grass" field, His "Flower-land" will be found. As "Empire of the South" he greets But "Sucker" or my "Prairie " bird, Sweet "Hoosier" is the name inscribed With "Hawkeye" on her crest. Until into the sisterhood Some new-born sister falls. AUNT MELISSY ON BOYS.*-J. T. TROWBRIDGE. I hain't nothin' agin' boys, as sich. They're a necessary part o' creation, I s'pose-like a good many disagreeable things! But deliver me! I'd ruther bring up a family of nine gals, any day in the year, with cats an' dogs throw'd in, than one boy. Gittin' fishhooks into their jacket-pockets, to stick in yer fingers washin'-days! Gals don't carry fishhooks in their jacket-pockets. Tearin' their trousis a-climbin' fences! perfec'ly reckless! an' then, patch! patch! Gals don't tear their trousis a-climbin' fences. Kiverin' the floor with whiddlin's soon as ever you've got nicely slicked up! an' then down must come the broom an' dustpan agin; an' I remember once, when I kep' house for Uncle Amos, I hed the Dorkis S'iety to tea, an' I'd been makin' a nice dish of cream-toast, an' we was waitin' for the minister-blessed soul! he mos' gener❜ly dropped in to tea when the S'iety met, an' he never failed when 'twas to our house, he was 80 *Copyright, 1877 by J. T. Trowbridge. All rights reserved. fond o' my cream-toast-an' bimeby he come in, an' when everybody was ready, I run and ketched up the things from the kitchen hairth, where I'd left 'em to keep warm, an' put 'em ontew the table, and we drawed up our chairs, an' got quiet, an' I never noticed anything was out o' the way, till bimeby, jes's the minister-blessed soul!—was a-askin' the blessin', I kind o' opened one corner of my eye to see how the table looked-for I pri ded myself on my table-when I declare to goodness, it I didn't think I should go right through the top of the house! For there was the great, splendid, elegant, nice dish o' cream-toast, stuccoted all over with pine whid dlin's! right between the blazin' candles Lucindy'd put on jes' as we was a-settin' down. Ye see, I'd poured the cream over the toast the last thing when I set it by the fire, an' never noticed Hezekier in the corner a-whiddlin' out his canew-I should say canew! Why, that 'air cream-toast was like a foamin' cataract kivered by a fleet of canews, where the whiddlin's was curled up on't, capsized, stickin' up eendways an' every which way, enough to make a decent housekeeper go intew fits! An' I thought I should! I thought I never could keep still, an' set through the good man's blessin' in this world! I shet my eyes, an' tried to keep my mind ontew things speritooal, but I couldn't for my life think of anything but the pesky whiddlin's in the toast, an' how was I ever goin' to snatch it off'm the table an' out of sight, the minute the blessin' was through, an' 'fore the minister-blessed soul!-or anybody had their eyes open to the material things; for right ontew the tail of the Amen, ye know, comp'ny will kind o' look 'round, hopeful and comf'table, to see what creatur' comforts is put afore 'em. But I watched my chance. I knowed perty well the way he mos' gener'ly allers tapered off, an' soon's ever that long-hankered-for Amen come out, I jumped like a cat at a mouse, had that 'air toast off"m the table, whisked it into the pantry, picked the whiddlin's out with my thumb-an'-finger, give that Hezekier a good smart box on the ear, as a foretaste of what was in store for him when the comp'ny was gone, an' had it back ontew the table agin, all serene an' beautiful, only I noticed Miss Bumblewick,-she's got eyes like a lynx, an' she was dreffle jealous of my housekeepin',-she'd seen suthin! she looked awful queer an' puzzled! an' I was mortified tew death when the minister-blessed soul!--a-eatin' of his slice, took suthin' tough out of his mouth, and laid it careful under the side of his plate. He was a wonderful perlite man, an' not a soul in the world 'sides me an' him ever 'spected he'd been chorrin' ontew a pine whiddlin'! That's jest a specimint o' that 'air Hezekier. His excuse allers was, he didn't mean ter dew it. Once his pa give him about tew quarts o' seed-corn in a bucket, an' told him to put it to soak-his pa gener❜ly soaked his seed-corn for plantin'; he said it come up so much quicker. Hezekier, he took the bucket, but he was tew lazy to git any water, so he jest ketched up the fust thing come handy, which happened to be a jug o' rum, an' poured it all into the corn, an' then went to flyin' his kite; he had the kite fever that year, an' the trees was jest full of tails an' strings, an' there was one skeleton I remember left hangin' in the big pear tree all winter-made me so provoked! Wal, that afternoon, his pa was a-goin' through the woodshed, an' he kep' snuffin', snuffin', till bimeby says he, "Mellissy," says he, "what under the canopy ye been doin' with rum?" says he. Of course I hadn't been doin' nothin' with rum, only smellin' on't for the last half hour-I detest the stuff!-but we put our noses together an' follered up the scent, and there was that corn! "Now, Amos," says I, "I hope to gracious goodness you'll give that boy a good tunin'-for he's jest sufferin' for it!" says I. But Hezekier he screamed: "No, I ain't! I shall be sufferin' if ye give it tew me!" says he. I seen pa drink 66 in' out o' the jug, an' thought 'twa'n't nothin' but water! says he. An' his pa jest kinder winked to me, an' scolded and threatened a little, an' then drove off to town, tellin' Hezekier to toe the mark an' jest look sharp arter things, or he'd give him Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, when he got hum. That was a sayin' of his'n : "Matthew, Mark, Luke an' John, Take a stick an' tuck it on!" But sayin' was all it ever amounted tew; which never'd a-been my way to bring up a boy, you may depend on that! Wal, Hezekier was perty quiet that arternoon, which I noticed it, for gener❜ly, if he wa'n't makin' a noise to drive ye distracted, ye might be sure he was up to some wus mischief; an' bimeby think says I to myself, think says I; Now what under the canopy can that Hezekier be up tew now!" think says I; for I hadn't heerd him blow his squawker, nor pound on a tin pan, nor pull the cat's tail, nor touch off his cannon, nor bounce his ball agin' the house, nor screech, nor break a glass, nor nothin', for all of five minutes; an' I was a-wonderin', when perty soon he comes into the house of his own accord, a-lookin' kinder scaret and meechin'; an' says he, "Aunt Melissy," says he, "I'm a-feared there's suthin' the matter with them 'air turkeys," says he. "The turkeys!" says I. "What in the name o' goodness can be the matter with them?" says I. Says he, "I don'o," says he; "but I guess ye better come out an' look," says he-so innercent! I did go out an look; an' there behind the woodshed was all them seven turkeys, the hull caboodle of 'em, ol' gobbler an' all, only one hen turkey was a-settin', an' another was off with a brood o' chicks-lucky for them!—all keeled over and stretched out on the ground, a sight to behold! "Massy goodness sakes alive!" says I, "what's been an' gone an' killed off all the turkeys?" says I. Says he, "I don'o', 'thout it's suthin' they've e't," says he. |