erence to tobacco in the presence of Mr. Shallowtop, your position, here, will be vacant. By the Doctor's orders, Mr. Shallowtop is not to smoke or even think of tobacco.

NELSON. Hi hunderstand, ma'm!

MRS. S. Under no circumstances are you to supply him with smoking materials-no! not a single thing. Now go! NELSON. Hi hunderstand, ma'm! (Aside.) Hit breaks my 'art to do hit-'ow the master will 'owl! [Exit

MR. SHALLOWTOP (heard without). My dear! My dear! Now where is that lady? (Enter with difficulty, right foot ban daged.) My dear!-my-oh! there you are still at your fiddle-faddle work, eh? Do you know-oh! ah !—Mrs. Shal、 lowtop I've actually had to go over my entire stock of shirts before I found one with a button on it?-oh! ah! (Sits down at table.) Now, if you could only give up that everlast. ing fancy jimcracks for a time and see to putting on buttons, why-I wouldn't kick-oh' ah!

MRS. S. Now, Adolphus dear, you know that you couldn't kick with that foot, anyhow.

MR. S. Mrs. Shallowtop your wit is exceedingly keen¬ oh! ah! confound it-(She starts.) I beg pardon--I mean the foot not the wit.

MRS. S. Adolphus, the Doctor has given strict orders in regard to your condition-you are not to smoke under any consideration; not a whiff, not a smell!

MR. S. (arising.) Madam! the doctor-oh! ah! (Sits.) This foot will be the death of me.

MRS. S. No, not your foot, love, but your incessant smok, ing. Now, Adolphus, I am going to look over your shirts, myself; the seamstress was ill this week and that accounts for their condition. [Exit.

MR. S. The Doctor forbids me smoking, eh? (Rings call bell. Well! I am happy to say I am king in my own castle. (Reads book. Enter Nelson.)

Nelson (aside). 'Ere be ha rich time; hand hall the things hinto the street.

MR. S. (observing him.) Ah! Nelson-bring me my pipe tobacco and matches.

NELSON. Hi will, sir. (Stares and looks frightened.)

MR. S. (looking up from book.) Did you understand me? NELSON. Hi did, sir. (Makes faces.)

MR. S. Then, why in the name of common sense don't you do what I bid you?--oh! ah!

NELSOS. Hi-Hi—cawn't, sir!

MR. S. You impudent rascal; do you mean to tell me that you cannot get me my smoking material? why-whyconfound you

NELSON. The Doctor's horders, sir!

MR. S. (aghast.) The-doctor's-orders. Nelson, has that man dared to instruct you?

NELSON. HO! no! sir! The missis, sir.

MR. S. The mistress, eh! and what did she order? NELSON. She horders me to throw hevery thing hinto the street (Mr. S. helpless with astonishment.) pipes, segars, tobacco, matches-hevery thing, sir.

MR. S. And! and! and! did you do it?

NELSON. Hi did, sir (rolling eyes)!

MR. S. You did, you miserable idiot! (Throws book at him.) Get out, stay! stop!-hold on! inform your mistress that 1 wish to see her, here. (Exit Nelson, hurriedly.) Into the street eh! I'll show them that I'm master here. Oh! for a smoke. Here I've been a whole day without a single puff.

NELSON (entering). The missis will be 'ere presently sir, hand one word, Mr. Shallowtop; my sister sails for hold Hingland tomorrow, sir; could Hi possibly get hoff to-night, sir; and say farewell to 'er, sir?

MR. S. (fiercely.) Have you the face to stand there and ask a favor of me, after disposing of my personal property as you have done? No! you can't go to-night. [Exit Nelson. MR. S. Oh! for a smoke. Now that's what I call cheek. knock a man down and then want to borrow a quarter from him.

Bell rings; enter Charles, lays hat on sofa.

CHARLES (advancing). Ah! my dear Mr. Shallowtop; good evening, just the one I wish to see, and alone. One word, ah-Mr. Shallowtop, I love your daughter deeply and I know that she loves me

MR. S. (interrupting.) Charles, do you smoke?

CHARLES (disconcerted). Well, well, ah-yes: occasionally. sir. occasionally. (Aside.) Now what will I do? Mrs. Shallowtop has given me strict injunction not to refer to that subject, at all.

MR. S. Charles, draw up a chair, I want to confide in you (Charles seats himself.) Charles, I am the victim of conspira racy-oh! ah (looking around)! I am

CHARLES. Why, sir, I am surprised

MR. S. Charles, you are not any more surprised than 1 am. Now, you being a smoking man, let me whisper-have you a pipe about you?

CHARLES (dumbfounded). Why, why, well-all college men, of course, carry pipes; but let us change the subject. Your daughter, now

MR. S. Charles, my daughter doesn't smoke, she's in the conspiracy, no doubt! what do you think? My doctor, the donkey, has prohibited me smoking and Mrs. Shallowtop, the the angel, has instructed Nelson, the idiot, to pitch all my smoking articles into the street

CHARLES. How shocking!

MR. S. Shocking, I should say that it was shocking. And Charles, the lunatic did it!

CHARLES. By jove, what a shame.

MR. S. Of course, it's a shame--oh! ah! wow! If it wasn't for my foot, I'd make things hum. Charles, I'm going to start a conspiracy myself. I'll be the main conspirator and you'll be my assistant.

CHARLES. Ah! sir, delighted, I am sure, to be of service

but

MR. S. (solemnly.) Charles, lend me your pipe?

CHARLES. Ah! Mr. Shallowtop, impossible, sir; impossi sible! Mrs. Shallowtop would never forgive me.

MR. S. Tut! Tut! Mrs. Shallowtop would never know, And besides, Charles, in regard to Sara-I'll consent, see? CHARLES. My dear sir, my dear sir, I

MR. S. What? you

CHARLES (in haste). I yield!

Charles produces a pipe and quickly hands it to Mr. Shalloutop. who gazes at it fondly.

MRS. S. (heard without.) Now Sara, dear; your papa has sent for me, I will attend you presently.

CHARLES (arising in alarm). Now don't betray me, I will withdraw to the library.

Exit Charles, taking up hat. Mr. Shallowtop conceals pipe in work-basket, as Mrs. Shallowtop enters.

MRS. S. Now, Adolphus dear, what is it? (Seats herself left of table.) Your shirts were indeed buttonless, I must say.

MR. S. Mrs. Shallowtop, I understand that all of my smok ing utensils have been thrown into the street, by your orders. MRS. S. They have, my dear, but for your good.

MR. S. They have, eh! they have! If that hyena of a doctor was here I'd punch his head.

MRS. S. Now, Adolphus, love, calm yourself. (Looks through work-basket.) Where are all my needles?

MR. S. (alarmed.) Whoop! wow!! let that alone.

MRS. S. (starting up.) Goodness gracious, how you fright. ened me, Adolphus, are you crazy? (Again examines basket.) I want the thread and needles.

MR. S. (snatching basket.) Whoop! Thread and needles! Don't dare touch that basket, there's- there's a mouse in it! MRS. S. A mouse--oh! oh! oh!

MR. S. Yes! a real live, genuine mouse. Now go to Sara and keep away, I'll kill it.

MRS S. Oh! pray, be careful, Adolphus. When it is dead, do call me.

[Exit.

MR. S. (falling back with basket in his arms.) Almost discovered! whew! an awful close shave; that woman is a born ferret. Now to slay the mouse. (Gets out pipe.) Why it's dead, poor thing, but I'll soon liven it up. (Conceals pipe in pocket just as Nelson enters with salver upon which are pitcher and glasses.) Ah' Nelson. One moment

NELSON (stiff and prim). Your hobedient, sir!

MR. S. Er-er-Nelson, are you very anxious to see your sister?

NELSON (eagerly). Hanxious? Hi ham, sir, werry.
MR. S. Well, now you may go-

NELSON (delighted). Ho, sir! Hi thank you, sir!
MR. S. (considering.) Under one consideration.
NELSON (serious). Hand what his that, sir?

MR. S. Nelson, I know that you indulge in a pipe, between times; I would like to see what kind of tobacco you use. Bring me a sample.

NELSON (frightened). Why-why, sir-hif Hi should bring you smoking hutensils the missis would discharge me, sir.

MR. S. Nelson, your mistress (waving his hand) shall not be informed of the transaction. No tobacco, no sister!

NELSON. Ho dear! Hi'll do hit, sir. (Aside.) Ho wha, ha terrible per-dic-her-ment. [Exit, with salver, MR. S. (gleefully.) Now that's what I call skilful conspiracy. Oh! now for a smoke. All that remains is to get a match. SARA (heard without). Yes, mamma, I will get you the cot ton and needles.

MR. S. Ah! I have it. I'll work her.

SARA (entering). A mouse wouldn't hurt any one—ah! pa pa have you killed the poor, little thing?

MR. S. Yes, darling -after a terrible combat the enemy has been slain (winking)-oh! ah!

SARA. You are quite sure that it is dead (handling basket very carefully).

MR. S. Oh! yes-quite out. I mean―quite dead.

SARA. Mamma was so frightened that she deputized me to get the sewing materials. (Gets out cotton and needles.) Oh! papa-has-has any one seen you?

MR. S. (startled.) Seen me? Oh! I understand. My dear, Charles has been here.

SARA (eagerly). Charles, ah (drawing small stool to feet)! What did he say? Tell me, that's a dear, good papa.

MR. S. (smoothing her hair.) He said that he wasn't allowed to smoke. No! no! I don't mean that. I'll tell you presently. SARA. Oh, papa! you did not send him away (pouting), did you?

MR. S. There! there! my dear, don't cry; but before I tell you all about it, I want you to do your poor, suffering father a favor, will you?-oh! ah!

SARA. Yes, indeed! anything! only ask it.

MR. S. (aside.) Rather a pleasant conspirator, after all. (10 Sara.) Now dear, just get your poor, sick papa, a match. SARA. A match? oh! papa, you are not going to smoke, are you?

MR. S. Smoke! My child, do I look like a man who would smoke? Your dear mamma has fired, I mean thrown, my pipes, segars and tobacco away.

SARA. Poor papa!

MR. S. Yes, indeed. Now I just want a little match so that I can strike it and see it flare up; just as if I was going to smoke; see? just to see it flare up. It will make me feel so good.

SARA. Just to see it flare up; why there's no harm in that, is there, papa ?-just a wee, tiny match.