Make lechers, and their punks, with dewtry,

Commit phantastical advowtry;

Bewitch hermetic-men to run

Stark staring mad with manicon;

Believe mechanic virtuosi

Can raise them mountains in Potosi ;

And, sillier than the antic fools,

Take treasure for a heap of coals;
Seek out for plants with signatures,
To quack off universal cures ;

With figures ground on pains of glass,

Make people on their heads to pass ;

And mighty heaps of coin increase,
Reflected from a single piece;

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Which others for cravats have worn

About their necks, and took a turn.
I pity'd the sad punishment
The wretched caitiff underwent,

And held my drubbing of his bones
Too great an honour for pultrones;

For knights are bound to feel no blows
From paltry and unequal foes,

Who, when they slash and cut to pieces,

Do all with civilest addresses:

Their horses never give a blow,

But when they make a leg and bow.

I therefore spar'd his flesh, and prest him
About the witch with many a question.

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Quoth he, For many years he drove

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A kind of broking-trade in love :

Employ'd in all th' intrigues and trust,
Of feeble speculative lust;

Procurer to th' extravagancy

And crazy ribaldry of fancy,

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By those the devil had forsook,

As things below him to provoke ;

But b'ing a virtuoso, able

To smatter, quack, and cant, and dabble,

He held his talent most adroit,

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For any mystical exploit,

As others of his tribe had done,

And rais'd their prices three to one :

"With headlig

I' th' myst'ry of a lady-monger.

For (as some write) a witch's ghost,

As soon as from the body loos'd,
Becomes a puny imp itself,

And is another witch's elf.

He, after searching far and near,

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At length found one in Lancashire,

With whom he bargain'd beforehand,

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And, after hanging, entertain'd.

Since which h' has play'd a thousand feats,
And practis'd all mechanic cheats :
Transform'd himself to th', ugly shapes

Of wolves and bears, baboons and apes;

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Which he has vary'd more than witches,
Or Pharaoh's wizards could their switches,

And all with whom h' has had to do,
Turn'd to as monstrous figures too;
Witness myself, whom h' has abus'd,
And to this beastly shape reduc'd,
By feeding me on beans and pease
He crams in nasty crevices,

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And turns to comfits by his arts,

To make me relish for deserts,

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And one by one, with shame and fear,

Lick up the candy'd provender.
Beside-But as h' was running on,

To tell what other feats h' had done,
The Lady stopt his full career,

And told him now 'twas time to hear.

If half those things (said she) be true-
They're all (quoth he) I swear by you :-
Why then (said she) that Sidrophel
Has damn'd himself to th' pit of hell,
Who, mounted on a broom, the nag
And hackney of a Lapland hag,
In quest of you came hither post,
Within an hour (I'm sure) at most,
Who told me all you swear and say,
Quite contrary another way;

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CANTO I.

HUDIBRAS.

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Vow'd that you came to him, to know

lf you should carry me or no;

And would have hir'd him and his imps,

To be your match-makers and pimps,

T'

engage

the devil on your side,

And steal (like Proserpine) your bride;

But he disdaining to embrace

So filthy a design and base,

You fell to vapouring and huffing,

And drew upon him like a ruffian ;
Surpris'd him meanly, unprepar'd,
Before h' had time to mount his guard,

And left him dead upon the ground,

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With many a bruise and desp'rate wound: 430 Swore you had broke and robb'd his house,

And stole his talismanic louse,

And all his new-found old inventions,

With flat felonious intentions;

Which he could bring out where he had,

And what he bought them for, and paid :
His flea, his morpion, and punese,
H' had gotten for his proper ease,
And all in perfect minutes made,
By th' ablest artist of the trade;

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