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and fhew me wherein I had done amifs: promifing, and refolving thro' his Grace, that I would do so no more.

UPON this I was ftruck with a very great Concern for my giving way to the afore-mention'd Delufions; and was made throughly fenfible that I was not so far out of the reach of the Devil, as to be out of danger; or to be above the Influence and Power of his Temptations. For tho' he should not be able to draw me totally, and wholly away from Chrift, and the Salvation he has purchas'd for me; yet by complying with his Suggeftions, I offended my God, and provok'd him to leffen and withdraw the Manifestations of his Love: And I found that if I did not keep close to him in the way of Duty, he would not draw nigh to me in a way of Confolation. Then I faw that I fhould foon become a Prey to my watchful Enemy, if left to my felf. Therefore till I had truly, and fincerely humbled my self for that Sin, I could not regain my former Comforts. Here I learn'd from my own Experience, that all my Gare, and Endeavours; all my Watchfulness, and Striving, would be little enough, with

Divine

Divine Grace, and Affiftances to keep me from falling. Nor could I expect, or depend upon the Aids, and Affiftances of God, if I did not continue importunately to request 'em, and feek for them.

THE Truth of these things the great God is a Witnefs to; whofe dealings with me I have faithfully, but cannot now fully give an account of. I am Conscious I have omitted a great deal that might have been worthy of recording, thro' my forgetfulness: Never defigning to com mit any thing of this nature to Writing till of late. Nor would I do it now in Oftentation, or as one that thinks I have any Caufe to boaft; but in the deepest Humility and felf Abasement. It is not owing to my felf that I am what I am; 'tis wholly to be afcrib'd to the free Grace of God: who will have Mercy, on whom he will have Mercy. O Lord! thou faweft nothing in me more than in others, for the fake of which thou shouldft fet thy Love upon me. If fome had been bleffed with the Advantages that I have had, they would have improv'd them much better than I have done. Adored be thy Name, that thou haft chofen me as a Veffel of

Mercy,

Mercy, and made me a Monument of thy Astonishing Grace and Goodness.

N

OW to what has been related, I would further Add the following general Experiences and Obfervations.

I HAVE always found that God is Faithful to his Word in fulfilling all the Promises on which I have hoped from time to time. That the ways of Holiness are indeed ways of Pleasantness, and all its Paths Peace.

THE more I know of God, the bet ter I love him; and I every day encrease and enlarge my Admiration of his Wifdom and Kindness in my firft Converfion, and in healing my after Backflidings; and in making me return to him, and my Duty, when at any time I am ftraying and wandering from him.

WHEN I have for a season been under Dejection and Darkness; my Hopes clouded, and my Comfort decaying and abating; I can, and muft fay 'tis all owing to my felf; and not to my God; and

ought

ought to be charged upon my departing and turning afide from him, not his leaving of me. The blame is wholly to be laid at my own door, that I find no greater pleasure in the Ways and Service of God than I do.

I CAN truly fay Í have Cause to thank God for Afflictions as well as Mercies. This I have daily confirmations of the truth of, that Croffes, Disappointments and Uneafineffes in the World, tend to the bettering of my Soul; and to put me upon a closer walking with God; and a more ferious careful discharging my Duty. O Lord, whither fhould I have been got e're this time, if all things had gone as I would have had them?

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BLESSED be God he bestows many Mercies upon me; a thousand timés more than I deferve: And, I am perfuaded if I could improve them; and it were beft for me; I should have all that I defire.

AS I grow up into the World, and find Temptations ftronger, and ftronger both within, and without; fo I find the G

Grace,

Grace, and Affiftances of God proportionably encreafing. As my Day is, my Strength is alfo.

EVERY Day opens a fresh Scene of God's Goodness and Wisdom in the dif penfations of Providence. In all, I cạn fay, that I have really feen 'em work together for my Good.

I HAVE often met with Anfwers to Prayer I never call upon God Sincerely and Earneftly, and as I ought to do, but he grants my Petition; if it is beft for me. And I am fully fatisfy'd he never denies me any Worldly Benefit, or Advantage; but when it is a Mercy to do fo.

IT has always been my greatest Sorrow and Trouble, that I could walk no more fteddily in the ways of God: That I am not more Holy, and Heavenly more Exemplary and Inftruative to others, in my Life and Conversa

tion.

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