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Sir To. Wilt thou set thy foot o' my
Sir To. Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip,16 and become thy bond-slave?
Sir And. I' faith, or I either?
Sir To. Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.
Mar. Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?
Sir To. Like aqua-vitæ with a midwife.
Mar. If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark his first approach before my lady: he will come to her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhors; and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests; and he will smile upon her, which will now be so unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you will see it, follow me.
Sir To. To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!
Sir And. I'll make one too.
Mar. He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He is sure possessed, madam.
-Act III. Sc. 4.
SCENE I-OLIVIA'S Garden.
Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabor.
Vio. Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by thy tabor?
Clo. No, sir, I live by the church.
Vio. Art thou a churchman?
Clo. No such matter, sir; I do live by the church; for I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the church.
Vio. So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a beggar dwell near him; or the church stands by thy tabor, if thy tabor stand by the church.
Clo. You have said, sir.-To see this age!-A sentence is but a cheveril glove1 to a good wit: how quickly the wrong side may be turned outward!
Vio. Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with words may quickly make them wanton.
Clo. I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
Clo. Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that word might make my sister wanton. But, indeed, words are very rascals, since bonds disgraced them.
Vio. Thy reason, man?
Clo. Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and words are grown so false, I am loth to prove reason with them.
Vio. I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and carest for nothing. Clo. Not so, sir, I do care for something: but in my conscience, sir, I do not care for you; if that be to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.
Vio. Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool ?
Clo. No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to herrings-the husband's the bigger: I am, indeed, not her fool, but her corrupter of words.
Vio. I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.
Clo. Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb, like the sun; it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft with your master as with my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.
Vio. Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee. Hold, there's expenses for thee.
[Giving him a piece of money. Clo. Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard! Vio. By my troth, I'll tell thee; I am almost sick for one; though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy lady within?
Clo. Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
[Looking at the piece of money.
Vio. Yes, being kept together, and put to use.
Clo. I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring a Cressida to this Troilus.
Vio. I understand you, sir; 'tis well begged.
Clo. The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir. I will construe to them whence you come; who you are, and what you would, are out of my welkin-I might say, element, but the word is
Vio. This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
That comes before his eye. This is a practice
For folly, that he wisely shews, is fit;
But wise men, folly-fallen, quite taint their wit.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
Sir To. Save you, gentleman.
Vio. And you, sir.
Sir And. Dieu vous garde, monsieur.
Vio. Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.
Sir And. I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.
Sir To. Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.
Vio. I am bound to your niece, sir: I mean, she is the list of my voyage.
Sir To. Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.
Vio. My legs do better understand me, sir, than I understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.
Sir To. I mean to go, sir, to enter.
Vio. I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we are prevented.
Enter OLIVIA and MARIA.
Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain odours on you!
Sir And. That youth's a rare courtier! Rain odours: '—well. Vio. My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own most pregnant and vouchsafed ear.
Sir And. 'Odours,' 'pregnant,' and 'vouchsafed:'-I'll get 'em all three all ready.
Oli. Let the garden-door be shut, and leave me to my hearing. [Exeunt SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA.
Give me your hand, sir.
Vio. My duty, madam, and most humble service.
Vio. Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.
Vio. And he is yours, and his must needs be yours;
Oli. For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
Oli. Give me leave, beseech you. I did send
Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?
And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving