XII.

SELWYNIANA.

FOR several years, George Selwyn was reckoned to be the prince of wits, not only at Brookes's but in pri vate society; and many persons still remember, that, in the generality of his repartees, there was a sting of attic poignancy which rendered him, in a peculiar manner, the scourge of folly and self-pretension:-this will be fully exemplified in the following anecdotes.

One morning, whilst he was drinking chocolate with the Duke of Queensberry, a newly appointed Commissioner of Taxes made his appearance at his Grace's house in Piccadilly, to pay his compliments. This man was in a tumult of joy at his preferment; but, though it was to the Duke he had primarily been indebted for his good fortune, he hardly thanked him ; for he was possessed with the notion that it was from his own merit that he had acquired the promotion. On his entrée, he assumed several consequential airs, thinking that he was now as great a man as the Duke himself; and he only deigned to notice the obligation as far as two friends, on a scale of absolute equality, would think of noticing a familiar interchange of civilities which might have occasionally passed between them. "So, Mr. Commissioner," said Selwyn-"you will excuse me, Sir, I forget your name,-you are at length installed, I find." The word installed conveyed an

awkward idea; for the new Commissioner's grandfather had been a stable-boy, and of course literally belonged to the stalls..

"Why, Sir," replied the other, "if you mean to say, that I am at length appointed, I have the pleasure to inform you that the business is settled. Yes, Sir, I am appointed; and though our noble friend, the Duke here, did oblige me with letters to the minister, yet these letters were of no use; and I was positively promoted to the office without knowing a syllable about the matter, or even taking a single step in it.'

"What! not a single step?" cried George.

"No, not one, upon my honour," replied the newfledged placeman :-"Egad! Sir, I did not walk a foot out of my way for it."

"And egad, Sir," retorted Selwyn, "you never before uttered half so much truth in so few words.. Reptiles, Sir, can neither walk nor take steps;Nature ordained it for them to creep."

Sir Robert Macraith had for several years been headwaiter at the Cocoa Tree, where he was known by the appellation of Bob; and at length rose from that humble situation to the rank of Baronet. He was a clever, good-natured, civil fellow, and greatly liked. When he himself succeeded to the business, he was rather puzzled as to what would be the most appropriate name for his house. George Selwyn calling in one morning, he stated the difficulty to him, saying, that he was afraid "Bob's Coffee House" would sound rather queerly.

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"Oh, no," said George, "just the thing; for then it will be Bob without, and robbing (Robin) within.”

A lady, famous only for her low birth,—but who, from a large fortune acquired by her father, in the respectable and liberal occupations of pawnbroker and usurer, had been enabled to form a matrimonial alliance with a nobleman, whose constitution and estate had been broken up together in a continued round of dissipation, was showing her new and elegantly furnished house to Mr. Selwyn. Having led him from room to room, and displayed the whole of her rhetoric and taste, she at last threw open a large pair of foldingdoors that led into the grand saloon, which was superbly furnished, but contained no pictures.

"Here, Mr. Selwyn," said she, "I intend to hang up all my family."

"I thought," replied George, "your Ladyship might have spared yourself that trouble; for I always understood, they were hung up, long ago."

Another titled dame, young and beautiful, but very giddy and foolish, walking one day with Selwyn, asked him, if from the smallness of her features and figure she did not look very young?

"Indeed," replied he, "your Ladyship looks as if you were just come from boarding-school for the Midsummer holydays; and fit to return again to finish your lessons: it is hoped that in a year or two you would be able to read, write, sit, stand, walk, and talk."

When Selwyn heard that Earl Grosvenor had recovered ten thousand pounds, as damages from the Duke of Cumberland, for adultery with his Lady, he exclaimed, "Fonum habet in Cornu !-who the devil would not be a cuckold? a handsome wife is an absolute treasure in banco !-Well, I always thought that Grosvenor wore antlers on his forehead; but now I find it is a cornu-copia."

Selwyn one day dining at the old Duke of Richmond's, a French Marquess was declaiming on the ingenuity of his countrymen; "who," said he, "were de grande artistes for de modes and de fashions, pour tout le monde ;-for instance, look at de roffel, (ruffle) dat fine ornament for de hand and for de breast: de Frenchman invent it, and all de oder nations of Europe quickly adopt de same plan.”

"True," replied Mr. Selwyn, "we allow that your countrymen have great merit in invention; but you must at the same time admit, that, though the English are not an inventive, they are at least an improving people for example, to the very articles which you mention, they have made a very important and useful addition."

"Les Anglois, Mistare Selvin," returned the Frenchman, stroking and pulling down the ruffles on his breast and hands, "are, sans doute, ver clevare men; mais je ne connois pas quelle improvement dey could have make to de roffel ; qu'est ce que la, Monsieur ?"

"Why, by adding a shirt to it, to be sure," replied George.

During the rage of republican principles in England, and whilst the Corresponding Society was in full vigour, Mr. Selwyn happened one May-day to meet a troop of chimney-sweepers, dressed out in all their gaudy trappings; and observed to Mr. Fox, who was walking with him, "I say, Charles, I have often heard you and others talk of the majesty of the people, but I never saw any of the young princes and princesses till now."

Soon after Mr. Samuel Whitbread had returned from his travels, he rendered himself very conspicuous by taking an active part against the Ministry, at a public meeting of the Westminster electors. The Duke of Queensberry, speaking of this, at Brookes's, said that "the brewer was making a desperate lunge at popularity."

"Pardon me, Duke," replied Selwyn; "he is only playing at carte and tierce."

A general officer in the American War, was, one evening, at the Cocoa-tree, describing to the company the phenomena of certain hot and cold springs, which he said he had frequently found quite close to each other, during his campaign in the south-western territory. Just as Selwyn entered the room, he was saying that fish of various sorts abounded in the latter, and that all that those of the army who were fond of fish had to do, after the fatigue of a day's march, in order to provide a dinner, was to angle for a few moments with a string and hook in the cold spring; and as soon as the bait took, to pull out the fish, and pop it in the