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Hingeons to be cut up for German saasages, and to be byled over again, bones and all, to make merry-gotawney soup, to be sent abroad to their black 'Ottenpot relations, the nigger wagabones, in the Vest Hin
“Why, Buckhorse, you are surely not such a fool as to believe all that silly nonsense !” replied the writer, still laughing : “take my advice, my good fellow, go to Mahommed and be shampooed properly : that is the sure and only method of getting rid of your rheumatism ; and don't be frightened at such bugbears as these wags choose to conjure up."
The horse-dealer having some respect for the writer's opinion and advice, and being moreover urged by pain from his disorder, visited Mahommed without delay, and in a short time he completely recovered.
Meeting him soon afterwards, the writer inquired how he got on ;. when he broke out in the most hyperbolic praise of his Indian physician.
“Oh ! what a nice man that 'ere Mister Mahometan is, sure-ly!-he bamboozled me twenty-eight times, at a guinea a time ; and now I'm as hearty as a buck. I heats four pork saasages, or a couple o' rashers bryled, every mornin' for my dejoon ;-I 'as a good slice O'Westfaily ham,-about ’alf a pound or there away, -and a couple o' nice heggs, for lunch, wi' a can o' glorious home-brewed. —Me and Missus sits down to dinner at three, and we pegs away in grand style, for I always 'ad a good happetite for my dinner, sick or well ; and I drinks a bottle o' good port to my own cheek,- for Missus likes 'Ollands and vater ;-vell, at supper, I 'as a nice rump-steak, or pork-chop, bryled on the gridiron, and after a snecker o’ strong har
rack punch, to warm my stomach, I goes to bed.-Lord bless you ! vhen I was so bad vith the rheumatise, I couldn't heat nor drink nothin' at all,—not even half o'that ere; but now I'm quite charmin', and I feels such a nungry fit now and then, that I could heat an 'oss behind the saddle, or heven a live cat stooed wi' hingans.-Only think o' the vonderful vorks o' natur!”
“I am glad to hear you are so well, Mr. Buckhorse ; but, do you still retain the opinion that Mahommed is a canibal ?"
" Lord bless you, Sir, no ! that vas a noax ; Mister Mahometan is as nice a fellor as ever breathed under Heaven's canipup; and vhat's more nor that, he gave me an order for an 'oss. He's such a good fellor, by G-d! that I means to shew my hingratitude by getting him a nunter."
The horse-dealer's sense of gratitude and good feeling towards Mahommed will be seen in the sequel : the latter wanted a good riding-horse for about sixty guineas; but Buckhorse felt the jockey rise within him, and honesty, friendship, and honour, were put to flight.
After two or three weeks' delay, during which he pretended to Mahommed that his servants were searching all the fairs around, he told him that every effort to procure him “an 'igh bred 'unter" had failed; and that he was therefore afraid he should be obliged to part with a favourite horse of his own, which he would sooner “die than give up to any other
under the canipup of heaven, except his dear friend, Mister *Mahometan.”
Accordingly, the shampooer visited Buckhorse's li
very stables; and the latter ordered a good-looking horse to be brought out: this animal, however, had been entirely made up for sale, for he was spavined, glandered, and broken-winded.—The dealer, on this occasion, thus addressed his partner :
“I say, Jobson, bring out that 'ere 'oss; but, for God's sake, don't let me see the going of him : he's a noble hanimal, and I made a hoath, when I bought him, never to part wi' him ; but, to oblige my dear friend, Mister Mahometan, who bamboozled me so well, he shall ’ave him, though it breaks my wery heart to part wi' him. So, bring the poor thing out, Jobson ; but I can't a-bear to stop to see the last on him.-I hopes, Mister Mahometan, that you 'll use him well; for he's a gallows good un to go, and as beautiful a creetur as ever I see !"
Away went the hypocritical rogue, exclaiming, “O Lord ! O Lord ! that I should live to see the day of parting wi' that 'ere fine hanimal!” And away went poor Mahommed with his precious bargain.
“By dint of the whip and spur, the latter arrived at Brighton ; but although his new master treated him with the utmost gentleness, and notwithstanding his late owner's hyperbolical praise, he turned out to be good for nothing! At length, poor Mahommed was obliged to sell him for Three Guineas, to feed the hounds !”
Buckhorse, though, as already stated, as illiterate as any of the quadrupeds in his own stables, at one time took it into his head that his parlour-table would be graced by placing thereupon a large family Bible : accordingly, he employed a friend, an auctioneer, to
procure the same for him at some sale ; enjoining him, at the same time, to be sure to get “a good un and beautifully bound.”
“ And I tell you what, Sam,” continued he ; "whilst you are about it, better kill two birds wi' one stone. If you can buy me a couple of chevaliers for my chimley piece, good and cheap, my dear fellor, with a noblix* in the centre, and a few fine marvel statutes and picturs to stick about the 'ouse, I'll be so much obliged to you, my dear fellor, you can't think : but take care to let 'em be good and cheap, else I can't have 'em, you know, Sam.”
According to his instructions, the auctioneer bought in several ornamental articles, which he thought suitable for the decoration of the interior of Buckhorse's domicile; but, as ill-luck would have it, he could not readily lay his hand on any second-hand Bible which, in regard to binding, he thought good enough for his friend.
A gentleman's library, however, coming under the hammer, the thought struck him, as he surveyed a shelf of folios, that one of these volumes would answer the horse-dealer's purpose equally well with the best copy of the Holy Scriptures that ever issued from the presses of Oxford or Cambridge: besides this, he had a strong desire to play Buckhorse a trick. Accordingly, he picked out Boyer's French dictionary, embellished with a dashing frontispiece, displaying the head of the author, and surrounded by miniature portraits of the most celebrated French writers. Having
* A chimney ornament representing an obelisk, and usually made of spar, or black marble. VOL. I.
packed the book up with the chandeliers, busts, &c., he sent the whole to Buckhorse's residence.
The latter, proud of his new pieces of finery, soon displayed them in their proper places ; but unfortunately, whilst exhibiting his purchase to a neighbour, a few days afterwards, smash went the centre ornament and one of the chandeliers !
In the mean time, the auctioneer did not choose to call for payment, fearful that his trick respecting the dictionary might have been discovered, and, of course, anticipating a severe reprimand; but he was soon relieved from this suspense, by the horse-dealer calling on him to relate the misfortune above mentioned.
“My dear Sam,” said he, “such a haccident ! you've no idear !"
“What accident, Mr. Buckhorse ?” inquired the auctioneer, apprehensive that it had some reference to the Bible-hoax.
“My dear fellor," answered the horse-dealer, “you know them 'ere chevaliers and that 'ere noblix !-By the Lord! they're smashed, Sam !”
“ You don't say so ?” returned Sam, thinking they were broken during carriage.
“ By the Lord Harry! Sam, but they are done for," responded Buckhorse ; "and vhat's worse, Nanny,– that 'ere b-h of a maid o'mine, as is always in mischief o' some sort,-smashed that 'ere beautiful naked heffigy of the Wenus of Medicine as stood on the pedestral in the corner, and broke the poor thing's nose: - she shoved her down wi' the broom handle. I could almost cry, Sam, for that 'ere darling himage; she looked so lovely and fascerating, that my wery mouth watered at the sight of her dear legs and harms. But