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6. The servant having taken his departure, the priest pulled Mr. Smith's letter out of his pocket, and read it pro bono publico, laughing heartily, and saying, Upon my word, miracles have not ceased yet. I am sure I know every tree on Mount Pleasant, and I never heard of one of them being worth five shillings!
« And what will you do, Father Mulligan?' said the farmer ; 'will you curse the boy that took away the tree ?'
"Upon my word,' replied the priest, • I don't like to do such a thing; unless the thief becomes stubborn and hardened, and that too long time passes before I hear of it in confession.'
6. Dar dia!' said the farmer, I wouldn't gratify the Sassanac thief by any such thing : sure it's a good deed to cut down his trees, and himself too, if need be, for he's a great oppressor, and be d-d to his Cromwellian sowl !'
66 This sentiment, which met with general concurrence, the priest could not do otherwise than endeavour to repress; but his arguments made very little impression upon his audience, who were far from being pleased that Smith's wish was to be complied with.
"When the controversy had somewhat subsided, a poor beggar-man presented himself at the open window, and in piteous accent begged for alms, in the name, and for the tender mercy of God !'
“This petition being repeated two or three times, the priest said, “Go away from that ;-there is nothing for you-go!-be on the march immediately!'
6. One of the farmers now seeing that this was a good opportunity for playing off a sarcasm on the priest, thus addressed the beggar-man : you fool,
what made you make mention of the name of God? why did not you say you came from Ned Smith, and you would get a couple of glasses of punch, any how.'The priest was ashamed, and gave the poor man a few pence ; at the same time recommending him to the care of the host.
“ At length Sunday came, which was the time that Father Malligan was to perform his promise to Mr. Smith; and after the sermon he thus delivered himself: "Good Christians, I am credibly informed that an ash tree of the value of twenty guineas was cut down, last Tuesday or Wednesday night, on the land of Edward Smith, Esquire:-now, my curse, and the curse of God, light upon the man who cut down the said tree of the value of twenty guineas, on the estate of the said Mr. Smith, unless he confesses the same ; when he will be farther admonished.'
66 When the words of this curse came to be commented on, it was allowed to be the neatest and cleverest thing ever heard of in the parish."*
* Whilst on the subject of Catholic cursing, it may not be amiss to insert here a couple of Presbyterian effusions of the same kind.
A Scottish clergyman, named Linning, thus cursed Louis XIV. of France, in his prayers :
“ Lord curse him, confound him, and damn him; distress him and deride him as thou didst Pharaoh, Senacherib, and our late King James, and his father Charles !”
Another of these gentry, a young fellow named Fraser, thus blasphemously pronounced the blessing after a sermon which he preached at Jedburgh:
“ The curse of the Lord Jesus Christ, and of God the Father, and of the Holy Ghost, be upon all those that hear the word and profit not by it!”
Among other very curious and entertaining anecdotes of the Irish priesthood, the following produced such convulsive roars of laughter, by the inimitable manner in which the gentleman above alluded to related it, that the writer cannot do better than conclude this article by its insertion from his note-book :
A GENUINE CATHOLIC SERMON.
“About sixty years ago," said he, “ when the celebration of mass subjected the priest to the dreadful horrors of a premunire, a Rev. Mr. Lynch, Catholic pastor of the parish of — in the county of Galway, preached a sermon to his flock, (who were pent up in an old malt-house,) which for its singularity is worthy of relation, as well as on account of the notice taken of it by the people then in power.
“ He took his text from the book of Tobit, wherein he said was written,
* Love me, love my dog. '“ He descanted for some time on the loveliness of alms-giving-universal charity and benevolence-and dwelt on the superior manner in which these pre-eminent virtues are practised by the professors of the Holy Roman Catholic faith. Contrasting which, with that professed by other sects, he thus expressed himself:
“My brethren-the three churches, the Catholic, the Presbyterian, and the Protestant, may be compared to the three cheeses !--the mullahone cheese the buttermilk cheese and the cream cheese.
66. Take the mullahone cheese and put it before the fire ; and it will drop a little drop of grace, but no glory :-that is the Presbyterian church.
6. Take the buttermilk cheese and hould it before the fire ; and it will spit and fizz-and spit ; but no drop-no drop :—there is neither grace nor glory there !-That is the Sassanac Protestant church.
“Now, good Christians, take the cream cheese and hould it before the fire you'll see how it will drop, drop, drop,-oh, so rich and so sweet!-beautiful to look upon, delightful to the taste, refreshing to the spirit! Oh! there is the grace-there is the glory!that is the holy Roman Catholic church, against which the gates of hell cannot prevail.
“My children, these Protestants pretend to say, that it is forbidden to worship graven images, for which they have a commandment; and they say we split their tenth commandment in two halves, because we leave out the one against the images !
“Now I'll show you plainly what murdhering thieves these Protestants are. In the first place, have they the book in which these commandments were written by the finger of God :--sure it is not many years since these deserters quitted our ranks. How then did they get the book ?-they stole it, I suppose. If so, who would believe a thief ?-Oh, no ; the book was always in the holy keeping of St. Peter, and given by him into the hand of his Holiness the Pope :therefore, there can be no mistake-it is all right as in our books.
«. Again, dear Christians, attend to these Protestants' words. • Don't worship graven images,' they say :—but when was this commandment of the Protestants given ?-In the time of Moses ? Oh, holy Father! come down and judge this!~Why there was not
an engraver for two thousand years after Moses was dead and berried in the bottom of the red say.
“Again, these Protestants say that God commanded not to make the likeness of any thing in Heaven above ;'--the Lord save us !-How was it possible for any man to know any thing of Heaven above, that he could take off the likeness of any thing there? would the Great God make such a law as that?
«Again,-- nor of any thing in the water under the earth.'— These Englishmen,--these Sassanacs, who began the rebellion against their holy mother, talk of us Irish making blunders and bulls, as they call them! --who ever heard of such a thundering bull as this? make the likeness of any thing in the water under the earth !—The water under the earth !-I always thought the waters lay on the earth :—but these Protestants go to hell for likenesses. What water is there under the earth but the lake of burning fire?-How was a holy Roman Catholic to know any thing of that place?God rest the sowls of the faithful !--that he should be forbidden to draw a picture out of it? Is not this to make an insignificant crature of the Great God; to be making laws against what it was impossible to do? these Protestants may as well have forged a law against fying up to heaven!
«« « But they say that the Papists, -as the villains call the holy Roman Catholics,-make pictures of saints, and bow down before them and worship them :-look round these walls, my children !- we have no pictures here, at all events, the Lord save us! Here we are, celebrating the unspotted sacrifice of the mass, in this wretched magazine of malt :--long life to Mr. Blake for allowing that same to us! But, indeed, if ye were