ACT I
Sc. I

EVANS. Yes, pe'r-lady: if he has a quarter of your coat,
there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple
conjectures. But that is all one: if Sir John Falstaff
have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the
Church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to
make atonements and compromises between you.
SHAL. The Council1 shall hear it: 'it is a riot.
EVANS. It is not meet the Council hear a riot; there is no
fear of Got in a riot: the Council, look you, shall desire
to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take
your vizaments in that.

31

38

SHAL. Ha! O' my life, if I were young again, the sword
should end it.
EVANS. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it;
and there is also another device in my prain, which,
peradventure, prings goot discretions with it. There
is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George
Page, which is pretty virginity.

SLEN. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and
speaks small like a woman.

EVANS. It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as just as you

will desire; and seven hundred pounds of monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, upon his death's bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!), give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a goot motion, if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

53

SHAL. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
EVANS. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
SHAL. I know the young gentlewoman: she has good
gifts.

EVANS. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot
gifts.

SHAL. Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

61

EVANS. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do
despise one that is false; or, as I despise one that is
not true. The Knight, Sir John, is there;
beseech you, be rul'd by your well-willers.

1 the Court of Star Chamber.

and, I

I will

peat the door [knocks] for Master Page. What, hoa! ACT I Got pless your house here!

Sc. I

Enter PAGE.

PAGE. Who's there?

EVANS. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow and here young Master Slender, that, peradventures, shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.

72

Much good

PAGE. I am glad to see your Worships well. I thank
you for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHAL. Master Page, I am glad to see you.
do it your good heart! I wish'd your venison better;
it was ill kill'd.' How doth good Mistress Page?—And
I thank you always with my heart, la; with my
heart.

PAGE. Sir, I thank you.

SHAL. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

PAGE. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

80

SLEN. How does your fallow2 greyhound, Sir? I heard

say, he was out-run on Cotsall.

PAGE. It could not be judg'd, Sir.

SLEN. You'll not confess, you'll not confess.

SHAL. That he will not.--Tis your fault,

"Tis a good dog.

PAGE. A cur, Sir.

3

'tis your fault!

SHAL. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog.

89

Can there

be more said? he is good, and fair. - Is Sir John Falstaff here?

PAGE. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good

office between you.

EVANS. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

SHAL. He hath wrong'd me, Master Page.

PAGE. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

SHAL. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd: is not that so, Master Page? He hath wrong'd me; indeed he hath; at a word, he hath. Believe me :-Robert Shallow, Esquire, saith he is wrong'd.

PAGE. Here comes Sir John.

1 ill shot, and then coursed and jugulated.

2 yellow.

3 misfortune.

ACT I
Sc. I

Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL. FAL. Now, Master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the King?

SHAL. Knight, you have beaten my men, kill'd my deer, and broke open my lodge.

FAL. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter?

SHAL. Tut, a pin! this shall be answer❜d.

FAL. I will answer it straight: I have done all this.

That is now answer'd.

SHAL. The Council shall know this.

IIO

FAL. "Twere better for you, if it were known in counsel: you'll be laugh'd at.

EVANS. Pauca verba, Sir John: good worts.

FAL. Good worts! good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head. What matter have you against me?

SLEN. Marry, Sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your coney-catching1 rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards pick'd my pocket. BARD. You Banbury cheese!2

121

That's my

SLEN. Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin? EVANS. Peace! I pray you. Now let us understand. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: that is-Master Page, fidelicet, Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter. 132 PAGE. We three, to hear it, and end it between them. EVANS. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my notebook; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.

FAL. Pistol!—

PIST. He hears with ears.

EVANS. The Tevil and his Tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations.

140

3 (slang) sword it. 4 (slang) the sort of man I am.

FAL. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
SLEN. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would I might
never come in mine own great chamber again else),
of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
shovel-boards,1 that cost me two shilling and twopence
a-piece of Yead Miller-by these gloves!
FAL. Is this true, Pistol?

EVANS. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

PIST. Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! - Sir John, and
master mine,

I combat challenge of this latten bilboe !2
Word of denial in thy labras3 here—

Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.

SLEN. By these gloves, then 'twas he!

150

NYм. Be avis'd, Sir, and pass good humours. I will say marry, trap, with you, if you run the nut-hook's1 humour on me: that is the very note of it.

SLEN. By this hat, then he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass!

160

FAL. What say you, Scarlet and John?
BARD. Why, Sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had
drunk himself out of his five sentences.

EVANS. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
BARD. And being fap, Sir, was, as they say, cashier'd;"
and so conclusions pass'd the careires.”

SLEN. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no

matter. I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

170

EVANS. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
FAL. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen: you
hear it.

Enter MISTRESS ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE following.

PAGE. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in: we'll drink [Exit ANNE PAGE.

within. SLEN. O Heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

1 shillings. 2 sword of tin. 3 (Sp. palabras, words, and labro, upper lip) teeth. 5 (slang) fuddled. 6 (slang) non compos mentis. 7 (slang) and there you are.

constable's. 149

ACT I

Sc. I

ACT I
Sc. I

PAGE. How now, Mistress Ford?

FAL. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:
by your leave, good Mistress.
[kissing her.
PAGE. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we
have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen,
I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

182

[Exeunt all but SHAL., SLEN., and EVANS. SLEN. I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of Songs and Sonnets1 here

Enter SIMPLE.

How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?

SIM. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas ?

190

SHAL. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word
with you, coz: marry this, coz. There is, as 'twere a
tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
here. Do you understand me?

SLEN. Ay, Sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
I shall do that that is reason.

SHAL. Nay, but understand me.

SLEN. So I do, Sir.

198

EVANS. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. SLEN. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says I pray you, pardon me; he's a Justice of Peace in his country, simple though I stand here.

EVANS. But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage.

SHAL. Ay, there's the point, Sir.

EVANS. Marry, is it; the very point of it: to Mistress
Anne Page.

SLEN. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
reasonable demands.

210

EVANS. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of

1 Tottel's Miscellany (1557).