ANT. S. Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.1

DRO. S. Certain ones then.

ANT. S. Name them.

DRO. S. The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his pottage.

ANT. S. You would all this time have prov'd there is

no time for all things.

DRO. S. Marry, and did, Sir: namely, no time to recover hair lost by nature.

ΙΟΙ

ANT. S. But your reason was not substantial, why there

is no time to recover.

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.

ADR. Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown!
Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects:

8

DRO. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and
therefore to the World's end will have bald followers.
ANT. S. I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion:
But soft! who wafts2 us yonder!

90

Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
That, undividable, incorporate,

Am better than thy dear self's better part.
Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!
For know, my Love, as easy may'st thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
And take unmingled thence that drop again
Without addition or diminishing,

1 deceptive.

2 beckons.

I am not Adriana nor thy wife.

The time was once when thou unurg'd would'st vow
That never words were music to thine ear,
That never object pleasing in thine eye,

That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
That never meat sweet-savour'd in thy taste,
Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carv'd to thee.
How comes it now, my Husband, O, how comes it
That thou art then estranged from thyself?

3 let fall.

IIO

120

As take from me thyself, and not me too.
How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,
Should'st thou but hear I were licentious,
And that this body, consecrate to thee,
By ruffian lust should be contaminate!
Would'st thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,
And hurl the name of husband in my face,
And tear the stain'd skin off my harlot brow,
And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring,
And break it with a deep divorcing vow?

I know thou canst; and therefore, see thou do it.

I am possess'd with an adulterate blot;

My blood is mingled with the grime of lust:
For if we two be one, and thou play false,

I do digest the poison of thy flesh,

Being strumpeted by thy contagion.

Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed,

I live unstain'd, thou undishonoured.

ANT. S. Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:

In Ephesus I am but two hours old,

As strange unto your Town as to your talk;

Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,
Want wit in all one word to understand.

130

Luc. Fie, Brother! how the world is chang'd with you!
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
ANT. S. By Dromio?

DRO. S. By me?

ADR. By thee: and this thou didst return from him:

That he did buffet thee, and in his blows

DRO. S. I never spake with her in all my life.

ANT. S. How can she thus then call us by our names,
Unless it be by inspiration?

ADR. How ill agrees it with your gravity

I: UU

140

Denied my house for his, me for his wife.

ANT. S. Did you converse, Sir, with this gentlewoman?
What is the course and drift of your compact?
DRO. S. I, Sir? I never saw her till this time.
ANT. S. Villain, thou liest; for even her very words
Didst thou deliver to me on the Mart.

317

151

160

ACT II

Sc. II

To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
Abetting him to thwart me in my mood!
Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,'
But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine!
Thou art an elm, my Husband: I a vine,
Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,
Makes me with thy strength to communicate:
If aught possess thee from me, it is dross-
Usurping ivy, briar, or idle2 moss,

Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion.

ANT. S. To me she speaks; she means me for her theme:
What, was I married to her in my dream?

Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this?

What error draws our eyes and ears amiss?
Until I know this sure uncertainty,

DRO. S.
No, I am an ape.
Luc. If thou art chang'd to aught, 'tis to an ass.
DRO. S. 'Tis true: she rides me, and I long for
'Tis so-I am; else it could never be

grass.

I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.

Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
DRO. S. O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
This is the Fairy land-O spite of spites!

We talk with only Goblins, Owls, and Sprites!
If we obey them not, this will ensue :

They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue. 190
Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answer'st not?

Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!
DRO. S. I am transformed, Master, am not I?
ANT. S. I think thou art in mind, and so am I.
DRO. S. Nay, Master, both in mind and in my shape.
ANT. S. Thou hast thine own form.

But I should know her as well as she knows me.
ADR. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye and weep,
Whilst man and master laugh my woes to scorn.
Come, Sir, to dinner! Dromio, keep the gate.
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day,

1 divided.

2 unfruitful.

170

180

200

And shrive1 you of a thousand idle pranks.
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,

Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.
Come, Sister! Dromio, play the porter well.
ANT. S. Am I in Earth, in Heaven, or in Hell?
Sleeping or waking? mad or well-advis’d ?
Known unto these, and to myself disguis'd!
I'll say as they say, and persever so,

And in this mist at all adventures go.

DRO. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate!
ADR. Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.

[exeunt.

ACT III

SCENE I. Before the House of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus,
ANGELO the Goldsmith, and BALTHAZAR the
Merchant.

210

ANT. E. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us!
My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours:
Say that I linger'd with you at your shop

To see the making of her carcanet,

And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain, that would face me down
He met me on the Mart; and that I beat him,
And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold;
And that I did deny my wife and house—

Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? 10
DRO. E. Say what you will, Sir, but I know what I know:
That you beat me at the Mart I have your hand to
shew:

If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,

Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANT. E. I think thou art an ass.
DRO. E.

Marry, so it doth appear

1 absolve.

ACT II
Sc. II

ACT III

Sc. I

By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear.

should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass. ANT. E. Y'are sad, Signior Balthazar? 'Pray God, our cheer

May answer my good will and your good welcome here. BAL. I hold your dainties cheap, Sir, and your welcome dear.

ANT. E. O Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish

A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. BAL. Good meat, Sir, is common: that every churl

affords.

ANT. E. And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.

21

BAL. Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
ANT. E. Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest.

But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But, soft; my door is lock'd! Go bid them let us in. 30
DRO. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cisly, Gillian, Jinn !
DRO. S. [within.] Mome,' malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
idiot, patch !2

Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch: Dost thou conjure for wenches that thou call'st for such store,

When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.

DRO. E. What patch is made our porter! My master stays in the street.

DRO. S. [within.] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold in 's feet.

ANT. E. Who talks within there? Ho, open the door! DRO. S. [within.] Right, Sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore.

ANT. E. Wherefore? For my dinner! I have not din'd to-day.

40

DRO. S. [within.] Nor to-day here you must not: come again when you may.

ANT. E. What art thou that keep'st me out from the house I owe?3

1 jolter-head.

2 fool.

8 own.