and pray for them in secret. 4. I found it easy and delightful to suppress resentments, and oppose them, and even to pray for those whom I apprehended to have injured me. Yea, with delight I could seek their good, their real good, and pray earnestly for it. Other consequences of this discovery will be mentioned hereafter, in their proper places.

To conclude this chapter, I found this discovery sweetly drawing to a willing, cheerful endeavour after holiness in all manner of conversation. Whereas, all former courses I took, only drove me forcibly to a feigned submission; which made me often wonder at the folly of Socinians and Arminians, and other Pelagian enemies, who pretend, that free justification leads to security and carelessness. I could not but say and think often, What! shall I believe such wild and wicked reproaches against my clear experience? Do not I find quite the contrary, while thelove of Christ constrains to judge thus, that if one died for all, then were all dead, that they who henceforth live, should not live to themselves, but to him that died for them. They err, not knowing the Scriptures, nor the power of God."

Thus all things were in some measure made new; and I, who a little before with the jailer, had fallen down trembling, was now raised up, and set down to feast with the disciples of the Lord," rejoicing and believing." But, alas! I was like the disciples on the mount, I dreamed not of what was abiding me, as the sequel will show. This I desire to recount, however, with thankfulness, not to my own commen

dation, but "to the praise of the glory of his grace." How far I was from having attained, or being already perfect, the following pages will show.

CHAPTER III.

An Account of the Pleasure of my Case at this time, the Mistakes I was still under, the sad Effects of them, and the way of their Discovery.

THIS glorious discovery was very surprising, and filled me with wonder. Often was I made to stand and wonder what this strange sight meant, and whereto it would turn: things that I had not heard were told me. Often did I say, "What hath the Lord wrought!" "When God turned back the captivity of Zion, we were like men that dreamed. Our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, The Lord hath done great things for them. The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad." The greatness of the things God hath done surpassed belief; and yet the great and clear light wherein they were discovered, and the discernible effects, would not allow me to doubt.

Although the effects of this discovery above mentioned were most discernible at first, yet I did not then, nor till after that light was gone, distinctly observe them. For, 1. The glory of the Lord was so great, that for a time I only fixed my eyes upon

that, and I was less intent, though much pleased with it, upon the change that was thereby wrought on me. All this while I was still crying out, "Whence is this to me?" And "what am I, and what is my father's house," that the Lord has visited me, and brought me hitherto? Again, 2. I was the less sensible, or at least was the less distinct, in observing these things, because of the remaining darkness as to the many and great things contained in the covenant of grace. This light clearly revealed the mystery of free justification through Christ, and peace by his blood; but I was afterward to learn other things belonging to the mystery of redemption. This was what I at present needed, and this the Lord gave abundantly, in so far as the present case required it. But yet, after this glorious light had remained some considerable time with me, I was sadly ignorant of many of the most important things relating even to the mystery of forgiveness, the daily use of this atonement, and the use especially of the Lord Christ with respect to sanctification. Well might Christ say to me, many a day after this, as to Philip, "Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip?" What, therefore, the Lord had done at this time, I knew not now, but hereafter, when the Comforter had further instructed me in the nature of the gospel-discovery, as I was able to bear it, and as my daily exigencies required it; and when, with Peter, being come to myself, recovered out of the strange surprise, and put to consider the thing, then knew I, with him, more distinctly what

concerned the Lord's work, and what he had done for me.

This discovery, while it lasted, was full of ravishing sweetness, and many things contributed very much to make it so. 1. The case wherein it found me: I was condemned by God, by my own conscience, and was like to sink under the pressure of the fear of a present execution of the sentence. When the usual labours of the day required that I should sleep, and my body, toiled and wasted with the disquiet of my mind, made me heavy, and urged it more: yet I was afraid to close mine eyes, lest I should awaken in hell; and durst not let myself sleep, till I was by a weary body beguiled into it, lest I should drop into the pit before I was aware. Was it any wonder that the news of pardon and forgiveness were sweet to one in such a case? whereby I was made to lie down in safety, and take quiet rest, where there was none to make me afraid. "For so giveth he his beloved sleep." A little before, I was like Jonah in the whale's belly: "The waters compassed me about even to the soul; the deep closed me round about; the weeds were wrapt about my head. I went down to the bottoms of the mountains; the earth with her bars was about me for ever." ❝ And I said, I am cast out of God's sight." Now, was it any wonder that such a one was delighted when brought into a garden of delights? placed out of all view of trouble, except a reflection on it as passed, which is refreshing, and set down to warm himself, and dry himself under the refreshing rays of the Sun of Righteousness. 2. The things that the Lord discovered werc

in themselves glorious; the glory of the Lord shone about me: I saw such things as "eye hath not seen,” besides thee, O God. "No man hath seen God at any time; the only-begotten of the Father, he hath declared him." In a word, what I saw was the "mystery of godliness;" the wonders of God's law, which the angels stooping earnestly look into, and that with wonder. 3. They were new things, with which I was utterly unacquainted before; and this made them the more affecting: "He shall sprinkle many nations; the kings shall shut their mouths at him; for that which had not been told them shall they see, and that which they had not heard shall they consider." "As cold water is to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country." Again, 4. The light wherein these things were discovered, was a clear sparkling light, that had a warming force, and reviving influence, that I was altogether a stranger to before: and one that was a stranger to light, at least to this light of the Lord, could not but with pleasure enjoy it; for truly "light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun."

This discovery and manifestation was of a much longer continuance, and far more bright than any I ever since obtained; for it shone in its brightness, for about ten days, and for long after that it was not quite off: and while it lasted, many things made it observable. 1. New discoveries were daily made; the Lord carried me from one thing to another, and in this short time taught me more than by all my study I had learned before, in quite a different man