fmall a leap on't, as to have vaulted over the little Rubicon that parts the Reformed Churches, and the Church of Rome, (for that had been too inconfiderable a Performance for a Man of bis Agility) but have gone over in good earneft to Mahomet's Church, who makes that bufinefs he fo pathetically there defcribes, one of the chiefeft Rewards for his Difciples in the next World: And, who knows but this may come to paß, things were not brought to an Extremity when I left the Story. The worthy Gentlemen that have fet bim upon the Heroick Defign of writing the Hind and Panther (for I must beg Mr. Bays's Pardon if I am so unmannerly as not to believe every thing he fays in his Preface) have fo far fecured him to their Party that be cannot in honour return to the Proteftant Territories; they have cut off all hopes of a retreat from him; the Back-doors are fhut, but the Paffage before is open enough, and the way to Meccha and Conftantinople as eafie to be found as ever; and I dare lay a Wager, that Mr. Bays is too much a Poet, not to paß the fame Judgment of his newest choice in Religion, as of his New Plays, that the laft is always the best.

To draw now to an end, Mr. Bays, I hear, has lately complained at Will's Coffee-Houfe, of the ill Ufage he has met with in the World: that whereas he had the generofity and assurance to fet his own Name to his late Piece of Polemick Poetry, yet others who have pretended to anfwer him, wanted the Breeding and Civility to do the like.

Now because I would not willingly difoblige a Perfon of Mr. Bays's Character, I do here fairly, and before all the World, affure him, that my Name is Dudly Tomkinson, and that I live within Two Miles of St. Michael's Mount in Cornwall, and have in my time been both Conftable, Church-Warden and Overfeer of the Parish, by the fame token that the little Gallery next the Belfry, the new Motto about the Pulpit, the King's Arms, the Ten Commandments, and the great Sundial in the Church-Tard, will tranfmit my Name to all Pofterity. Further

Furthermore (if it will do him any good at all) I can make a pretty shift to read without Spectacles, wear my own Hair, which is somewhat inclining to Red, have a large Mole on my left Cheek, am mightily troubled with Corns, and what is peculiar to my Conftitution, after half. a dozen Bottles of Claret, which I generally carry home every Night from the Tavern; I never fail of a Stool or two next Morning: Befides, I use to fmoak a Pipe every Day after Dinner, and afterwards fteal a Nap for an bour or two in the old Wicker-Chair near the Oven, take gentle Purgatives Spring and Fall; and it has been my custom any time thefe Sixteen Years as all the Parish can testifie) to ride in Gambadoes. Nay, to win the Heart of him for ever, I invite him here, before the Courteous Reader, to a Country Regale (provided he will before-hand promise not to Debauch my Wife) where he shall have Sugar to his Roaft-beef, and Vinegar to his Butter; and laftly, to make him amends for the tedioufness of the Journey, a parcel of Relicks to carry home with him, which I believe can scarce be matched in the whole Christian World; but because I have no great fancy that way, I don't care if I part with them to fo worthy a Perfon. They are as followeth :

St. Gregory's Ritual, bound up in the fame CalveSkin that the Old Gentleman in St. Luke roafted at the return of his Prodigal Son.

The Quadrant that a Philiftian Taylor took the height of Goliah by, when he made, him his laft Suit of Cloaths; for the Giant being a Man of extraordinary Dimenfions, it was impoffible to do this Affair any other way than your Defigners ufe, when they take the height of a CountrySteeple.

The Foint-Stool that St. Chriftopher's Barber ftood upon when he fhaved him. Now to fatisfie Mr. Bays of the neceffity the Barber had to make use of a Joint-Stool in this Affair, and that it was no foolish, malepert or arrogant Humour in the Barber fo to do, be is to understand

that.

that St. Chriftopher, if he were alive, could have drunk the Monument full of Mum for his Mornings Draught, with as much eafe as the Presbyterian Divines fwallow'd the Covenant; and if he won't believe me on my word, let him e'en ride his Horfe to Paris, and if St. Kit's Statue in the Noftre Dame do not convince him of his Error, I will give him free leave to fwear before any of the Ecclefi aftical Commiffioners, that I am the Seditious Author of the Letter to the Diffenter.

A Knife of great Antiquity, the Handle of it is made with the fame Ivory that Jupiter fupplied Pelops's Shoulder with; the Blade originally St. Peter's Sword, fought by Pope Hildebrand, and Julius the Second, into a Dagger, and fince converted into the ufe aforemention'd. If Mr. Bays fhould quarrel with the Handle, by reafon of its Pagan Extraction, he is to be informed that a certain Author, who has lately obliged the World with a Learned Difcourfe concerning the Catacombs at Rome, has demonftrated that worse Reliques, in all probability, are adored and worshipped every Day in his Mother Church.

And now I find I have transgressed somewhat too much upon the Reader's Patience in fo tedious a Preamble, but I have this comfort to carry along with me, that Ideal with an Adverfary, who cannot in Juftice reproach me for making a long Preface.

1

DIALOGUE

DIALOGUE I.

St. JAMES's PARK.

Crites.

Crites, Eugenius, and Mr. Bayes.

M

R. Bays, Mr. Bays, prithee why in fuch hafte, Man. Have you forgot your Old Acquaintance, that you pafs by 'em thus without taking the leaft notice of them.

Bays. Your pardon, Gentlemen, I proteft I did not fee you: It is at leaft fome twenty Years ago (as I remember) fince we had our laft long Difcourfe concerning Dramatick Poetry upon the Thames, But Gentlemen, I am at prefent engaged elsewhere. You fee my Rofary and Beads, and may guess for what Place I am bound.

Eugen. Prithee, dear Bays, adjourn this Fit of Devotion to fome more convenient time, and let us take one Edifying-Glass at the Rhenish-House, yonder by Charing-Croß.

Bays. As for the Tavern, I defire to be excufed, I feldom appear at fuch unfanctify'd Places; you might as foon cajole the Plain-dealer into Westminster-Hall, a Fanatick into a Play-Houfe, or an Ufurer into a Suretifhip, as perfuade me into a Tavern. Alas! I am not the Man you take me

for;