all his Bombs and Granadoes; but pray mind them Gentlemen.

Prol. to the

They Cheat, but still from Cheating Sires

they come,

Spanifo Friar. They drink, but they were Chriftened firft

in Mum.

Here I'm fure the whole Common-wealth is concerned one way or another; their Merchants, Burgomafters, and, in effect, all the Trading-part of the Republick arraign'd for cheating: Their Seamen, Profeffors of all Sciences, and their Divines are likewife reflected upon for Drinking. Don't you think now, Friend Crites, but that half the Myn-beers will be ready to hang themselves when they read this Paffage?

Crites. No indeed, Mr. Bays, if it be true what you have remark'd before, that no Man of tolerable sense would fhow himself concern'd at any of

bels.

your Li

Bays. That's true; no Man of Senfe I grant, would hang himself for the matter; but furely you'll allow me, that a Man of little or no fenfe may do fuch a thing; and if fo, what Perfon fitter than a Dutchman. I'll tell you Gentlemen, a Dutchman's Soul circulates no more than the Butter-milk he has in his Veins, but ftagnates like nafty Water in a Kennel. He's made of Mud, and not of Clay ;. and confequently, in my poor Opinion, has no Title to any of thofe Promises that were made to the Sons of Adam.

Crites. Pray, Mr. Bays, why fo fevere upon this induftrious Nation? Methinks at this time of day they deserve some little Favour at your Hands, if it were only for their Indulgence to all Perfuafions, and leaving every Man to the free Difpofal and Sovereignty over his own Confcience.

Bays

Bays. That Circumftance, as you obferve, Mr. Crites, does fomewhat atone for their other Sins; but for all that, I can heartily forgive them, for, like a Phlegmatick, Sun-begotten Tribe as they are, they have not had the grace to produce one Poet, either fince their firft Rebellion, when they excluded the Sea from his Hereditary Provinces; or fince their later Defection, when they pafs'd the fame Bill of Exclufion upon the Spaniards. So much for the Butter-boxes and now have at the Meffieurs, and of them I have said so many tart bitter things, that I'gad, I cannot tell which to chuse at prefent.

Engen. And to the beft of my remembrance Mr. Bays, you have spoke abundance of fine complaifant things in praise of those Airy Gentlemen. You have commended their Language, the Freedom of their Converfation, the Gallantry of their Amours, their Civility, their Wit

Bays. Oh Sir, there was a great deal of reason for for much about that time, Mr. Eugenius, a certain Staffordshire Gentleman was pleafed to Dedicate to me a very Ingenious* Book, I vow

it ;

to Gad, in which Dedication, after fe- * Mr. Blunts veral other Complements, he tells me, Religio Laici. that Monfieur Rapin, one of the greateft Criticks of this Age, had ftudied English on purpofe to learn my Poems. Now this I thought was fuch a particular Condefcenfion, fuch an extraordinary fign of Refpect shown to me and my Works, that I found my felf obliged in Confcience to speak all the tender pretty things I cou'd in behalf of the French Nation. But when, after a long run, I was given to understand that it was only a Complement of my Friend, and that Monfieur Rapin was not furnished with English enough to qualifie him for a City Intelligencer's Secretary, or an Accomptant to a Mackarel

Mackarel-boat, I prefently reaffum'd my Old Temper, and gave the Meffieurs no quarter at all, as may appear by a thousand Paffages fince, too numerous to be cited at prefent: Nay, to purfue my Malice to the utmoft Extremity, I prevailed with my Acquaintance, at this end of the Town, to wear Shoulder-knots no longer, to discard the janty Cravatftring, and the ceremonious Muff, and, what was the hardest case of all, I abfolutely refus'd to naturalize one word that was of French Extraction for the space of Two Years. The next that comes upon the Stage, is the melancholy Spaniard with a ftride and a ftand, like a Peacock in a Back fide; and the truth on't is, tho' I ought to have shown him fome civility for that Divine, that immortal Invention of making Snuff, yet, when my hand is in, I neither spare Friend nor Foe; and I have not only maul'd the poor Don with the Quarter-Staff of Profe, but also with the Back-Sword of Verfe. Their Patrimonial Sloth the Spaniards

Prol. to the
Spanish Friar.

keep,

And Philip First taught Philip how to fleep.

Pray Gentlemen, mind that dead-doing Epithet Patrimonial, by which I inform the World that the Caftilians have their Lazinefs bequeath'd to 'em by their Parents, as well as the Majestick Cloak, the ftarch'd Golilia, the diminutive Breeches, and the trufty Dagger; and fo with one circumbendibus (to use my own Friar Dominick's Expreffion) I lafh the precedent Ages, at the fame time that I chaftife the prefent Generation. Nor have the Ultra Montani, the Italians met with better Entertainment, but are attack'd and ridicul'd in their own dear-beloved Diverfions of Harlequin and Scaramouch.

The

The Italian Merry-Andrews took their

Place,

And quite debauch'd the Stage with lewd First Part of Grimace;

Instead of Wit and Language, your delight

Was there to fee two Hobby-borfes fight.

the Mifcel.

But because I hate the dull, infipid, phlegmatick way of conquering Kingdoms fingly, I here ftorm all the Univerfe at one inftant.

Where, Banish'd Virtue ! wilt thou show thy
Face,

If Treachery infects the Indian Race?

Ind. Emp.

In the first Verse, here I fuppofe Virtue gone from the Old World, which I proteft is exceeding Tart and Satyrical; and in the next, I cunningly infinuate that her Ladyfhip is not to be found in Mexico, Peru, or any of the Tobacco-Plantations; and confequently, that fhe is not to be met with any where upon the Face of the Earth. And now, because it would be a very unkind, not to fay an uncivil part, in Madam Confcience, to loiter and fquander away her Time here amongft Mortals, when her Coufin-German Virtue was gone to better Quarters in another World, I get a Habeas Corpus for her alfo, but at the fame time was fo civil to the Modest Virgin, as to allow her the liberty of leaving a Reverend Old Gentlewoman, Interest by Name, to do her Drudgery, and fupply her Place in her absence which I'gad I think the does every whit as well, if not better. And this Paffage I have excellently well touch'd in a late Poem of mine, which we may take occasion to difcourfe of more largely by and by. Immortal Powers the term of Confcience

know,

But Int'reft is her Name with Men be

low.

Hind and Panther, p. 119.

As

As for the Swedes, and Danes, and Swisses, the Laplanders, &c. I let them alone, because they are a poor fcandalous fort of People; do you obferve, Mr. Crites, and not able to defray the Expences of a Conqueror: But then as for Scotland

Crites. Why, I thought, Mr. Bays, that Scotland was no more able to defray the Expences of a Conqueror than Lapland.

Bays. No more it is not; but in that time my Paffion prevail'd over my Intereft, and and pray Sir take notice how I have lafhed that Nation.

First Part of

the Mifcel.

Clean Linen there would be a dang'rous
thing,

The Scot that wore it would be chofen
King.

And now, because I am never to be reconciled to the Scots, for more than one or two Reasons, you fhall have me e'er long fet out an Hiftory of their Reformation, where I defign to acquaint the World, that the true Reafon of their demolishing Religious Houses, and decrying the Surplice ever fince, was not for any Superftition, as they pretend, but only because they could not furnish half their Clergy with clean Linen.

Crites. Pray, Mr. Bays, is it not high time now to think of steering our courfe homewards? Methinks we have made a pretty handsome Ramble on't this Morning.

Bays. Sir, I thank you for your feasonable Advice, and defign to follow it; though it was once in my thoughts (being fo nigh the place) to have stept out of Scotland, and have made a little Toure in the Duke of Saxony's Country, to fee the Ravage which the Baptift Boar has made in the German Forefts; afterwards to have unearth'd a Socinian Fox, with fome of the Duke of Newburgh's Catholick Terriers in the Plains of Poland; and laftly, to have fetch'd a com

pafs