ever; the Cuckolds of Cheapfide, and drolled upon the City Dolittles to tickle the Covent-Garden Limber hams; drawn his Pen against the Romanists, to win the Hearts of Fanaticks and Socinians; and afterwards' attack'd the whole Herd of Diffenters, to retaliate the Injury done to the Romanifts; railed at Matrimony, to ingratiate with the Superannuated Maids of Honour; and damn'd a Single Life, to get a Dinner amongst the Fond Husbands: That in Confideration of these and feveral other Important Services, the Members of both Houses think fit to fettle the Privilege of Licencing all Poets whatfofrom the humble Dealers in Tabacco-BoxInfcriptions, to the wholefale Traders in Dramarick, on Him and his Heirs for ever: Which Poets are to renew their Licences every Half-Year; to obey all his Orders and Inftructions, are never to exceed Five Hundred, and to be marked on the back as Hackney-Coaches are. So much for his Projects, (which is not much amifs, confidering every body at Court, not the meaneft Irish-Man excepted, are now in the BeggingHumour) but I forget the main Bufinefs , my StoryWe continued at Greenwich full Two Days, all which time we did nothing at all i-gad, but drink and tipple: A certain Paffage happen'd the fecond day, which is not unworthy the relating; but because we have already been so much upon the Digreffion, I'll e'en forbear it ---- Eugen. Nay, Mr. Bays, if you'll promife to be Laconick, let us have it. Bays. A certain Gentleman came accidentally into the Room where we were Drinking, and defired to be admitted into the Company; we told him,any Civil Person was welcome, and fo he was receiv'd. Some short time after, there happen'd a little occafional Difcourfe concerning Purgatory, and this Spark Spark was fo unfortunate to fay, he disbelieved it; now, to the everlafting Shame of all thofe Perfons who have the Affurance to deny Purgatory, I mawl'd him fo by Dint of Argument and Wit, fheer Wit i-gad, that he had not one Syllable to say for himself. Crites. I thought, Mr. Bays, that your dear Self at that time had been of the Genleman's Opi nion. Bays. Troth Sir I must needs own, that I had no over-great Opinion of the Place, till this lucky Paffage confirmed me. Indeed I had little Dawnings of the Gofpel upon me for a Fortnight before; but it was a doubtful glimmering fort of a Light, and as I may fay, juft like that by which Corinna obliged her Gallant; Pars adoperta fuit, pars altera claufa feneftræ. Crites. Is not that Comparison of yours, Mr. Bays, fomewhat of the lewdeft? Methinks you might have resembled the Dawning of the Gospel to fomething else. Bays. Tho' it is a little lufcious, it is exceeding witty, and that is all I defire in a Simile. Sir, faid I to the Gentleman, you don't believe Purgatory, it feems; because it was not difcovered before the Eleventh Century, by the Abbot of Clugny. Right, fays he. Why don't you as well, Mr. Wifeacre, (rejoin'd I) believe there's no fuch Place as America, because it has not been discovered above Two Hundred Years ago; upon which we all fell a Laughing; and the poor Gentleman looked with as mortified a Countenance as Pharaoh's Baker, of Famous Memory, when his Dream was interpreted to him. , Crites. Faith Mr. Bays, and that was ill enough in all Conscience. Bays: Bays. Lord, Mr. Crites, I have a hundred times more to fay in behalf of Purgatory than this comes to, and all I' gad, my own, Juvat ire jugis qua nulla priorum orbita - I can't endure to follow any Man's Footsteps, and that's the Reason I fo mortally hate. your Ficulnea Argumenta, your Artillery drawn out of the Bible. What do you think I design at this very prefent, but to write a Play call'd the Difcovery of Purgatory, and to bring in the Abbot of Clugny in the firft Scene; with these Lines in his Mouth: Abbot. On what new flaming Country are we thrown, And here in private bad conceiv'd a new. But Cyder and Cool-Tankards here are fcant, Right Lime-Juice we, and Punch moreover want. Mind that more, Moreover, I pray; methinks it is fo natural for a Monk, or a Country Parfon. As if this Infant Crites. What do you as if again, Mr. Bays? Bays. Ay, Sir, and perhaps will As if it this hour longer if I please: Sould not the Monk, I pray, anfwer his Abbot? As if this Infant World yet anarray'd, Like Houfe with Bill on Door were starv'd for want of Trade. The Quinteffence of Wit, by my Faith, Gentlemen; but now it comes to the Abbot's turn to speak, who, because he is something of a Scholar, I have made him demolish all the Peripatetic Philofophy in a moment. Abbot, Abbot. Here the true Elementar Fire refides, 'Tis new, and out of the rode, this fame Reflection, Mr. Crites; and the Abbot, you must know, was the more willing to take this opportunity of quarreling with Ariftotle, for his Peftilent Heretical Doctrine about Accidents; for my part, I owe him a grudge alfo, but defign, as foon as I can, to get out of his debt; 'tis but faying openly in a Coffeehouse, that Jefuits Powder is the Bark of his Predicamental Tree, and you deftroy his Reputation for ever among the Mobile. But to the Monk again. Monk. Heaven from all Ages wifely did provide, And for the bravest Church thefe Manfions bide, That we, whofe Head Supreme, and unconfin'd, Is neither God nor Man, but of a middle Kind; Should neither climb to Heaven, nor fink to Hell, But in fome place between for endleß Ages dwell. There's a thought for you, Mr. Crites, match it me if you can in the whole Univerfe; 'tis all Flame and Spirit, and nothing but a Soul that has run through a courfe of Chymistry in Purgatory, could have utter'd it. After this, follows one of the finest Scenes you ever read; but because it is fomewhat of the longeft, I will only give you the Heads of it: As foon as the Monk had done fpeaking thefe laft words, a Meffenger comes in from the Podefta of Penfylvania, to acquaint the Abbot of Clugny, that his Mafter and the Superintendant of New-England, did intend that Morning to try a Brace of Congregational Bull-Dogs, at an Epifcopal Panther in the Bear Garden in the Ecliptic, and afterwards fully re folved to give him a Meeting at his TolerationApartment in Purgatory; and that, if they liked the Situation of the Country, the temper of the Climate, the convenience of Trading, and found the Place capable of being improved and cultivated they would prefently fend him a Colony of huge Mortals, with large Hats, and no Cravats, to inhabit it. Whereupon Eugen. Under Correction, Mr. Bays, this fame Abbot of Clugny is a very uncivil Perfon to put you out of you Road thus. Come Sir, your half hour is already paft, and we won't be fo unmannerly as to hinder your Devotion, and make you more Matter for the next Confeffion. Bays. Udfookers, Mr. Eugenius, are you a going already? Why, I am but juft enter'd upon my Story, and the best part of it is ftill behind: rí trefpafs this once on Father what d'ye call him if you'll fit down on the next Bench, and hear it out. Engen. Withal my heart, provided it will be no injury at all to you, Mr. Bays; for I fhould be as loath to hinder a Poet's Devotion, as an Alderman's Alms, or a Soldier's Sobriety, the Reformation of a Player, or the Loyalty of a Diffenter. Now Bays. Twill be no Injury at all, I' gad; once in my Life, Mr. Crites, I'll borrow my Method from a Country Parfon. You know 'tis the way of those dull, formal, infipid Animals, after they have have made a long tedious Harangue in the Morning, to serve it up in the Afternoon as the People do their cold Meat, the better to imprint in the Memory of their Flock, as they pretend; but I' gad, I fay, only to withdraw the Afternoon's Difcourfe, and fave themselves the Expence of a little Candle-light and Thinking. Even fo, Gentle men, if you please to remember, I told you that in the |