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the time respected.. I frequently upon mc to be also ready; and as felt heart-risings, and oppofition to upon reflection I could not assure the providential dealings of God. myself, that I was ready or preWhen my confort was repeatedly pared ; it therefore appeared to laid upon a bed of fickness and be my duty and that God partic. bro't near the grave, and his par ularly required of me, to make ents aged, and needing constant my calling and election sure. Acattention and affiftance, whereby cordingly I fet about the great my whole time and strength were work with fixed determination to confumed in labor and care, fo go thro’ with it, feeling my dethat I felt almost overwhelmed, I pendence, aud willing to wait was often ready to say with Jacob, God's time to manifeft himself to “ all these things are againlt me," my soul, well knowing that if he and to query why I should thus was pleased to delay this to the be diftinguished by affiliation, feel last moments of my life, he would ing that I was hardly dealt with : do me no wrong ; but that it Yet such checks and reproofs were would be infinite condescenfion again and again set ibefore my and grace, if he should then apmind as filenced my repinings ; pear for me, to give the comfort. shewed me the reasonableness and ing assurance of his love. I'wish. beauty of obedience, and tended ed to have a true gospel discovery to animate and excite me ftill vig- of Christ, and the way of falva. orously and perseveringly to go on tion by him. I greatly dreaded in the discharge of duty. I now having my mind led away by any upon recollection, loath and abhor false and imaginary discovery of myfelf for the stubbornnefs and per. things ; and being sensible that verseness of my heart, and admire my heart was deceitful above all the patience and long-suffering of things, and not to be trufted, I the infinite Jehovah, that he should begged of God to search it, and bear with my stubbornness and for see if there were any evil way in give my rebellions, and not blot my me; and lead me in the way evername out of his book of life. Y. In lasting. After this, being tried this state of mind I continued from in my mind relative to a certain the 22d to the 32d or 33d year supposed duty, while I fat muling of my life. In all this time I was on the subject, and defiring to never much exercised with fears know and do the will of God, I of dying, altho' I was not assured was led to see the great imperfecof an intereft in Chrift;l my whole tion of all my duties that even attention and great defire was to my best services were full of im. perfect: obedience in the fear of perfection. I faw the law to be God.'
holy, just and good, and fpiritual. About the 33d year of my life, It appeared exceeding broad, as it pleased the Lord to take away extending to all things, and curf. from me by death two brothers ing for the least transgression or and a lifter, all in the course of deficiency. This view brought a four months. These sudden and great weight of guilt upon my unexpected deaths of persons fo mind, which it seemed would over. near to me, alarmed me much, and whelm and fink me. At length led me to inquire more particular- it occurred that I had present duty ly into my own preparedness for to perform ; accordingly I redeath. God seemed now to call / solved with anyself." I will at. tend to all the duties of my family | Electing love I saw lay at the bot and station to which God is calling tom of the whole scheme of re. me ; and will do all the good I demption ; were it not for electcan, and if I perish, I perish." ing love, and grace, never would Upon which resolution I arose any of mankind be saved. And from my seat, and immediately I longed to have all the world felt a degree of relief; though no convinced of this glorious truth. particular views of divine things This I confider as a fpecial fealpresented to my mind for some ing time ; a time in which God minutes--but as I was going to fealed his love to my heart ; tho' prosecute my resolution, I had oc- as to my particular interest in the cafion to open a door of the house ; great salvation, I had no special and as I opened the door, God assurances ; but I had not then, opened to the view of my mind nor have I had fince, any uncomthe door of hope for finners, in fortable thoughts respecting it. the gofpel, in such a manner as Upon reading, in the evening af filled my soul with amazement. ter this view of things, in a book The wisdom, love and grace of entitled Sacramental exercises, I God, in the plan of salvation, found the following exclamation shone with such lustre upon my and defire, “Oh, that I could love mind, that I stood astonished. I thee better than any saint on earth, can think of nothing more expreff or angel in heaven.” Immedi. ive of the view I then had, thanately upon reading the words, I what is said of Stephen when he felt my heart going out in defires saw the heavens opened, and be corresponding with the petition, held the glory of God, and Jesus and was filled with the most ravftanding on the right hand of God. ithing views of the glory of God, The way of salvation now ap- shining in the face of Christ. : Afpeared with a lustre I had never ter this, for months imy whole beheld before. I saw clearly that work was praise. There seemed Jesus the mediator of the new to be no room for petition ; ex. covenant had fulfilled the law, and cept as a certain one petitioned, that he is “the end of the law for “ Lord stay thine hand ; thy ferrighteousness to every one that be- vant is a clay.vessel.” This, I lieveth.” This effectually rerno often said in my heart both then ved the burden which a sense of and fince, is a weight of glory. defects had brought upon my These things have filled my mind mind, and enlarged my desires af. ever since ; and many refreshing ter God, and delight in him, to hours have I experienced from an inconceivable degree. My time to time in viewing the wonwhole foul was in a transport with ders of redeeming love. Yet my a view of the wondrous plan of spirit groans under a sense of sin falvation. I could not but won and imperfection; and longs to be der why all men were not ravished freed from the body of this death. and transported with this plan, And now. when my diffolution the effect of the eternal wisdom approaches, and I expect foon to and counsel of the triune God. depart, I can say, through grace, And now I beheld such a glory that death is no terror to me; or and beauty shining in the fove- rather I can say, to be dead I am reign, free andeternal electing love not afraid.. Death, in itself is of God, 38 I never saw before, I terrible but by the death of Christ it has loft its fting; and I before experienced; too great alcan adopt the words of the apoftle most to be realized, and such as in his holy triumph, “ Oh death, seem to confound and overwhelm where is thy fting ?” and when my fecble powers of utterance. he was near closing life by martyr- I would pause to echo (as an dom, “ I am now ready to be of- address to my own foul) the defered and the time of my depart-vout language of the Pfalmift : ure is at hand. I have fought a « Oh, that men would praise the good fight, I have finished my Lord for his goodness and his course. I have kept the faith; wonderful works to the children of henceforth there is laid up for me men !" For who can be under a crown of righteousness, which greater obligations to praise him the Lord the righteous judge shall than I am ? I ask myself wheth. give me at that day : and not to er there be not a great mixture of me only, but unto all them also selfishness in my present exercises that love his appearing." l of joy? I doubt not but there is ;
for tho', if I know any thing of TO THE EDITORS OF THE CON- | my own heart and moral temper,
NECTICUT EVANGELICAL MA-! I really desire the advancement **GAZINE.
| of Chrift's kingdom, and feel a
| fenfible fatisfaction in hearing of, : GENTLEMEN, .
or witneffing the apparent conver· THE following letter was late- fion of any one finner ; yet I muft ly sent from a clergyman to his acknowledge that my fenfe of dibrother in this state, without any vine mercy and my obligation to defign or expectation of its ap- thankfulness are more deeply im. pearing before the public. By pressed, when the glorious Rea the request of several Chriftian deemer condescends to come un' friends it is now transmitted to der my roof, and by his fpirit apyou ; if in your judgment it will plies the saving benefits of his answer any purpose in promoting dying love, to the dear partner of the great object of your useful my earthly comforts and cares, as magazine, you are at liberty to I humbly hope he hath done. publish it.
And I am ready to exclaim, Oh! MY DEAR BROTHER,
the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ,
is exceedingly abundant! This is T ENUMERATE it among to have an help meet indeed, and
I my mercies, that providence to obtain favor from the Lord ; has cast my lot so near you, that that my companion and fellow I can sometimes enjoy the pleaf- traveller through the wearisome ure and improvement of your fo. pilgrimage of mortal life and laciety and correfpondence. I have bors, should become a fellow travonly to condemn myself, that the eller to the Zion above; a fellow moft abundant means produce fo laborer in the vineyard of Chrift; little fruit, and that I so unfaith, a fellow helper of my spiritual fully improve my many advan-joys; and a fellow heir of the tages of promoting my own high. grace of eternal life ! Oh, how eft and bett intereft as well as that rich the grace ! How infinitely of others. I now write to you unworthy am I of such a mercy! with very peculiar sensations and How endearing is that conjugal impreffions of divipe mercy, never' union, which is fonnded upop the
love of God, exercised in Chrif-| fin, and of the wickedness, pride tian fellowship, and sweetened by and deceitfulness of her heart; communications of divinc grace! | lo that the rejoices with trembling, What sweet counsel do we take and relates her exercises, and the together, not only in the things reasons of her hope, with meek. of the kingdom of God, but in ness and fear. But her heart and all the cares of life and love ! I treasure appear to be in heaven. receive her anew, from the crea. Her bible is precious to her; it is ting hand of her divine Maker, a the man of her counsel. She is disciple of Jesus a child of God; conftantly discovering new beau
as a special gift from the father ties in it, and progresing in dia of mercies ;-the richelt token of vine knowledge. Christ appeare his love and favor. By this di- lovely to her in the holiness and vine vifitation, I feel the most benevolence of his character ; abundant cause for humiliation and the greater part of her time and abasement before God. With is divided between her bible and what a mixture of infinite mildness her closet. and energy am I reproved for all As to her exercises in time past, my vile ingratitude to God ;--for ever since the death of our little all my finful impatience under the son in , her mind, at times, dealings of his hand ;--and all seems to have been very deeply my luke-warmness and unfaithful impressed with the things of cter. ness in the service of my glorious nity. These seasons of ferious Redeemer ! Break, Oh my tho'tfulness, however, have been wicked heart,-- bleed with Godly very fhort and fleeting, foon fuc. sorrow,while the divine Jesus is ceeded by an entire ftupidity and addressing me as he did back siding inattention. This good, howPeter : « Simon, son of Jonas, ever, resulted ; she obtained fpec. loveft thou me? feed my sheep ulative conviction of certain imand my lambs.”
na web portant gospel doctrines, which How desirable is the real Chris. The at firit opposed, but finally tian! How fair, how lovely is embraced as true. Of late her the image of Chrift, drawn upon religious attention hath been re. the heart of a finful worm! Such, newed; I believe that her anxieO my brother, is the appearance ty for her fifter, on account of her of my dear wife. The light, of dangerous state of health, was the eternal life, evidently seems to mean in the hand of God, of turn. dawn upon her foul, and like the ing her attention to her own fpir. morning light to be progressing. itual concerns. It is now more She appears, tho' far from being than a fortnight since I discovered filled with high confidence, and in her satisfactory evidence to my the triumphs of assured hope, to own mind that she had experien. enjoy that calm, rational, compo- ced a change of heart. This idea sed and ferene state of mind, which however I carefully.. concealed arises from a view of the fpiritual | from her; the profeffed no hope beauty of divine truth, and a heart for herself, but was concerned that in a measure truly. conformed to her anxiety and diftress were gone; the gospel of Christ, and to the she knew not how, nor why; and character, law and government of the thought herself to be linking the Most High. She seems to into the most awful stupidity. have a deep fenfe of the evil of! Immediately upon my return
a short journey, she told me shef who generally had an appetite for had had special comfort in religion nothing but bread, looking wilh. and religious duties, while I was fully at her mother, said, “ I feel gone; and I prayed and hoped like the Roman Emperor (mean. and believed while abfent, that I ing the Grecian Father confined should find her in the state that I by the Roman Emperor) for had did.
| I a piece of mouldy bread it would I will not ask you to excuse be sweet to me.” After she spake, this long letter. It is upon a and while the mother was wiping subject with which my heart is the tear from her eye, a little filled, and I could not well have dog, which had been lying besaid less. I know that you and fore the fire, arose and went out at my dear Gifter will rejoice with the door. In a few moments he me, and join in thanksgiving to returned with a fair, hard biscuit God. The humble. shall hear | in his mouth, which he dropped thereof and be glad. Bless the at the feet of the child. The Lord, O my soul! What shall I mother took it, and cutting out render to the Lord for all his ben the parts marked with his teeth, efits!
furnished her child with that re
freshment she appeared to want. I ANECDOTE.
The hand of Providence is not
the less conspicuous, becaufe it THEN the town of New employed an animal whose inWV port was garrisoned by stincts are remarkable. The inthe British troops, Mrs. ftinet of the animal to take the food was a widow with three young for himself was counteracted; the children; one of whom, about | supply was seasonable, and in a fix years of age, was conftitution-cafe which appears to come within ally feeble, and often fick. The the promise of the divine care and mother was under the necessity of bleffing. laboring for a subsistence ; and 1 Note. The preceding anecdote was often interrupted and prevent was communicated to one of the ed from working by the illness of Editors by a Clergymen of Newher child, who, at times, requi- port, and may be depended upon red her whole attention. This, as a fact. with the uncertainty of supplies in a time of war, and the occasional scarcity of provisions, reduced her Religious Intelligence. in some instances to great straits, in which she had an opportunity
MISSIONARIES. of observing, in a plain manner, the care of divine Providence. THE Rev.Calvin Ingalls lately
Ata certain time, she had been returned from a miffion of four confined with her child, and was months to the north-eastern parts deftitute of money. Flour was of Vermont. He is re-appointed scarce in town, and at a high a Miffionary, and is expected foon price ; and for a day and a half to enter on a mission to the new sae aad used potatoes as a subfii- settlements at the south end of tute, and then saw no prospect of lake George. obtaining a supply. After the The Missionaries now in the serfamily had dined, the fick child, vice of the Missionary Society of