from my lips I could see the relief come, I could see the drawn muscles relax, and the anxiety go out of the face, and rest and peace steal over the features like the merciful moonlight over a desolate landscape:

"The guano is a fine bird, but great care is necessary in rearing it. It should not be imported earlier than June or later than September. In the winter it should be kept in a warm place, where it can hatch out its young.

"It is evident that we are to have a backward season for grain. Therefore, it will be well for the farmer to begin setting out his corn-stalks and planting his buckwheat cakes in July instead of August.

"Concerning the Pumpkin.-This berry is a favourite with the natives of the interior of New England, who prefer it to the gooseberry for the making of fruit cake, and who likewise give it the preference over the raspberry for feeding cows, as being more filling and fully as satisfying. The pumpkin is the only esculent of the orange family that will thrive in the North, except the gourd and one or two varieties of the squash. But the custom of planting it in the front yard with the shrubbery is fast going out of vogue, for it is now generally conceded that the pumpkin as a shade-tree is a failure.

"Now, as the warm weather approaches, and the ganders begin to spawn-—'”

The excited listener sprang toward me, to shake hands, and said—

"There, there, that will do! I know I am all right now, because you have read it just as I did, word for word. But, stranger, when I first read it this morning, I said to myself, 'I never, never believed it before, notwithstanding my friends kept me under watch so strict, but now I believe I am crazy;' and with that I fetched a howl that you might have heard two miles, and started out to kill somebody because, you know, I knew it would come to that sooner or later, and so I might as well begin. I read one of them paragraphs over again, so as to be certain, and then I burned my house down and started. I have crippled several people, and have got one fellow up a tree, where I can get him if I want him. But I thought I would call in here as I passed along, and make the thing perfectly certain; and now it is certain, and I tell you it is lucky for the chap that is in the tree; I should have killed him, sure, as I went back. Good-bye, sir, good-bye; you have taken a great load off my mind. My reason has stood the strain of one of your agricultural articles, and I know that nothing can ever unseat it now. Good-bye, sir."

I felt a little uncomfortable about the cripplings

and arsons this person had been entertaining himself with, for I could not help feeling remotely accessory to them; but these thoughts were quickly banished, for the regular editor walked in! I thought to myself, 'Now if you had gone to Egypt as I recommended you to, I might have had a chance to get my hand in ; but you wouldn't do it, and here you are. I sort of expected you.'

The editor was looking sad and perplexed and dejected.

He surveyed the wreck which that old rioter and those two young farmers had made, and then said, "This is a sad business a very sad business. There is the mucilage bottle broken, and six panes of glass, and a spittoon and two candlesticks. But that is not the worst. The reputation of the paper is injured, and permanently, I fear. True, there never was such a call for the paper before, and it never sold such a large edition or soared to such celebrity; but does one want to be famous for lunacy, and prosper upon the infirmities of his mind? My friend, as I am an honest man, the street out here is full of people, and others are roosting on the fences, waiting to get a glimpse of you, because they think you are crazy. And well they might, after reading your editorials. They are a disgrace to journalism. Why, what put it into your head that you could edit a paper of this nature? You do not seem to know the first rudiments of agriculture. agriculture. You speak of a furrow and a harrow as being the same thing; you talk of the moulting season for cows; and you recommend the domestication of the polecat on account of its playfulness and its excellence as a ratter. Your remark that clams will lie quiet if music be played to them was superfluous entirely superfluous. Nothing disturbs clams. Clams always lie quiet. Clams care nothing whatever about music. Ah, heavens and earth, friend! if you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life you. could not have graduated with higher honour than you could to-day. I never saw anything like it. Your observation that the horse-chestnut as an article of commerce is steadily gaining in favour, is simply calculated to destroy this journal. I want you to throw up your situation and go. I want no more holiday-I could not enjoy it if I had it. Certainly not with you in my chair. I would always stand in dread of what you might be going to recommend next. It makes me lose all patience every time I think of your discussing oyster-beds under the head of 'Landscape Gardening.' I want you to go. Nothing on earth could persuade me to take another holiday. Oh, why didn't you tell me you didn't know anything about agriculture?"

We've fossilised Iguanodons,

And Ipecacuanhadons,

We've a walrus good at waltzing, Seven sand-pipers who all sing,

the epilogue.

We've a female boa constrictor,

Who (until you contradict her)

by the gout.

We've a caligraphic camel, he Writes letters to his family,

meet.

We've an ocelot whose hobby

Is to call out, "Bobby, Bobby!"

them to.

We've a frog (a rare old "soaker") Who can criticise like Croker,

We've a clever anaconda,

Who's been reading D. Deronda,

gathered with the gnu.

We've a classical young gander,

Who indulges in Menander,

And who finds for ignoramuses no possible

excuse;

Greek and Hebrew, likewise Latin, He's phenomenally pat in,

upon the Floss."

We've a vocal she-hyæna,

Sings like Patti (Adelina);

ERHAPS you may laugh, but, nevertheless, it is perfectly true; and this is how it happened.

As you may be quite sure, be ing only nine teen, I was most tremendously anxious to get my commission, and when at last I was gazetted to the 204th Foot, I did not give my tailor much rest till my uniform and the paraphernalia of my outfit were sent home.

I dare say, to the old and sag, it is very ridiculous; but to me it was glorious, that first putting on of military garments The bedroom door was locked: I was quite alone. There was a tall cheval glass by the bedside, and what was there to prevent me from strutting about, as, scarlet in the face almost as my tightly-buttoned tunic! It did not fit me perfectly, I knew; but having it altered would necessitate its being taken away, and that idea was insupportable. So I kept my things just as they were, and in the hot stage of scarlet fever in which I then was, the fact of my regiment being ordered out to China did not give me much uneasiness; for even in a Chinese war there did not seem much cause for discomfort, since I believed that the British could chase the barbarians by the thousand.

I will not trouble you with the account of our long journey out, and our landing in the Celestial Empire. Let it suffice when I tell you that upon our arrival it was to find hostilities in full progress, and, boy as I was, I had to take my turn with the rest, smelt powder, heard the whiz of bullets, and many a time saw my smart uniform soiled with mud and filth.

It was hot work in both senses of the word. Now we were wading in a river-bed or creek, with the blazing sun above us, and the rank, steamy heat rising from the slime; now we were storming a mud fort, or chasing the enemy over the swampy rice-fields or through cane-brakes; while the next day, perhaps, we were accompanying some looting expedition.

At last, after making pretty good progress up the country, we stormed a town, which I will call here Ling-Po. It had been a pretty tough job, for the mud walls had been held by a strong party of

BAY.

Braves However, at last, the day was ours: the Braves were supposed to be driven out, and we had taken possession, the men distributing themselves pretty well over the place, and I was alonz with half a dozen of the bandsmen, who were on their way to the place chosen for head-quarters, there to deposit their instruments previous to going upon ambulance duty: the helping of the wounded being, as perhaps you are aware, the duty of the bandsmen in time of war.

We were rather indifferently armed, the bands men having only those short, Roman-looking swords -very blunt ones, too-and though I had my sword and a revolver, I had received a nasty thrust through the right arm from the spear of a Brave-a hurt which necessitated the wounded limb being carried in a sling, and made me feel more sick and faint than I cared to own amongst men who would have looked upon my injury as a mere scratch.

The town was evidently a large, densely populated place, full of crooked lanes, streets, and blind alleys, among which we kept wandering for quite an hour before we were compelled to own that we had lost our way.

"If ye'll be kind enough to take the lade, Mr. Grey, we'll folly ye," said one of the bandsmen, turning suddenly round upon me, and scratching his puzzled pate.

"I'm ready enough to lead, Dennis," I said; "but I'm about done up for want of a little water to drink. I was thinking of asking you to carry me."

"I'm thinking, sor, that we may just as well sit down in the shade and wait, for the head-quarters is jist as likely to come to uz, as we are to get to it. A big place like this would puzzle a mapmaker."

"I thought I'd tell you, sir, that there's a couple of Chinese been following us for the last five minutes," said another of the men, "and 'taint as if we had rifles."

I looked uneasily back down the long, narrow, sun-glared street, but there was not a soul visible. All was still as death, save for a distant shot or two, which seemed to come from quite another part of the town, and to indicate that the fighting was not entirely at an end. The houses on either hand were closely shuttered, and presented the most blank of aspects, and though we scanned the windows above, not a watching face was visible anywhere.

I could not help owning that, should we be attacked by some detached body of the Braves, cur

chances would be very small; and I should have blamed myself for want of care, had not the difficulty of finding one's way through such a wilderness become more and more evident at each stride we took.

"It's my belafe, sor, that Corporal Smith's lading us intirely wrong," said the Irishman, speaking again.

"Lead yourself, then," said the corporal, gruffly, as he tucked his large ophicleide beneath his arm, and paused awhile to wipe the perspiration from his forehead.

"I tell you what, sir," said another man (our best cornet player), we had better make a dash for it; I don't like the look of this at all. Will you order a retreat?”

"Why, what's wrong?" said I, testily, for all the time there was a dizzy sensation in my head, and the street looked misty before my eyes.

"We are being dogged, sir, and no mistake; and if we take refuge in one of these houses, we shall perhaps only be burned out."

Trying to rouse myself, I hurriedly took a glance at our position. We were evidently in one of the lower parts of the town; and the street wherein we were was one of the narrowest I had seen since in the country. Every here and there alleys ran off at right angles, but each apparently ended in a cul-de-sac, and to enter one of them might have been like running into a gin, from which there was no means of extricating ourselves. To make matters worse, too, there was, at one end of the street, the glint of arms; and a moment after, four or five Braves showed themselves for a minute, and then disappeared.

Fortunately, the peril that threatened our little party seemed to clear my head from the misty sensation; and I tried to devise some plan for immediate execution.

"They will come upon us suddenly from one of the narrow streets, if they mean to attack us," I thought; and, giving the signal to my men, I turned off sharply to the right, and we walked rapidly in a new direction, in the hope that it might bring us to where some of our own men were collected.

That we were in danger I felt convinced. My men knew it, too; but all the same, I could hear them joking together in a light-hearted, reckless fashion.

"I tell you what," said one, "the band's as good as broken up, if we don't get back. What do you say, Dennis?"

"Spoiled intirely," was the reply; "and, bedad, I'm glad I haven't got to blow now, for I've no more wind left than would put out one of Widdy Flanaghan's dips, and they were twenty-four to the pound. How are you, corporal ?"

"Blown," was the gruff reply.

Then we went on in silence for a short distance, but only to stop short as we turned a corner, for there was a burst of yells in the distance, and the clang of a gong, and we became aware of the fact that about thirty Braves were in close pursuit of a couple of our men, who were evidently hard pressed.

"Come on!" I shouted, with my blood seeming to boil; but long before we could reach the spot we saw the two poor fellows overtaken by the Chinese soldiers, and fall pierced with a score of spear-wounds.

"Come back, sir, quick, come back!" exclaimed a voice, and the sword-armed hand of the stout "It's ophicleide-player was laid upon my arm. like rushing on death, and-here, quick! down here," he shouted, hurriedly; "those fellows who have been dodging us are closing up."

A glance revealed our position plainly enough: we were between two fires; and, darting down a narrow lane close by, we hastily pursued its windings.

"Our people must hear the noise soon, and clear the town," whispered the corporal to me, as he forced his arm under mine. "Hold up, sir, you're only a bit weak-that's the way. Now then, men, keep close together; it's the only chance for our lives."

The lane seemed as if it would have no end; and all the time there were our enemies yelling and shouting in full pursuit. If we were overtaken, we knew what our fate must be-instant death, or else some horrible torture, for in their eyes we were so many foreign devils.

I looked back twice, each time to see the fierce faces of the yelling mob panting in pursuit, and once I grew giddy with dread; but I was pressing on the next moment, my heart leaping with joy as Corporal Smith exclaimed

"Hold up, sir, we'll stand by you to a man; and, look! there's the end of it at last."

The end of the lane was indeed there; but, to our horror, we saw that it was blocked up by the ruins of a couple of houses, evidently too near the wall, which had been knocked down by our boat-guns.

"It's all up now, me boys," said the Irishman, with a howl; "but let's die game for the honour of the ould ridgment. I'll give 'em a call though, anyhow," he exclaimed, "it may bring help ;" and as we faced round, he put his cornet to his lips and blew a loud rallying call; and there, in the face even of a horrible death, so great was the force of habit, that the other five bandsmen involuntarily raised their instruments to their lips.

"Here, what a fool I am!" roared Smith, lowering his huge bell-mouthed brass piece the next