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The cunning man looked a little four, upon which Betty jogged her mistress, who gave t'other guinea; and he made her understand, she should pofitively have two more, but shaked his head, and hinted, that they fhould not live long with her. The widow fighed, and gave him t'other half-guinea. After this prepoffeffion, all that she had next to do, was to make fallies to our end of the town, and find out who it is her fate to have. There are two who frequent this place, whom she takes to be men of vogue, and of whom her imagination has given her the choice. They are both the appearances of fine gentlemen, to fuch as do not know when they see persons of that turn; and indeed they are industrious enough to come at that character, to deserve the reputation of being fuch. But this town will not allow us to be the things we feem to aim at, and are too difcerning to be fobbed off with pretences. One of these pretty fellows fails by his laborious exactnefs; the other, by his as much studied negligence. Frank Careless, as foon as his valet has helped on and adjusted his clothes, goes to his glass, sets his wig awry, tumbles his cravat, and, in short, undresses himself to go into company. Will, Nice is fo little fatisfied with his dress, that all the time he is at a visit, he is still mending it, and is for that reason the more insufferable; for he who studies careleffness, has, at least, his work the fooner done of the two. The widow is distracted whom to take for her first man; for Nice is every way fo careful, that she fears his length of days; and Frank is fo loofe, that she has apprehenfions for her own health with him. I am puzzled how to give a juft idea of them; but, in a word, Careless is a coxcomb, and Nice a fop; both, you'll fay, very hopeful candidates for a gay woman just fet at liberty. But there is a whisper, her maid will give her to Tom Terrour the gamefter.... he'll certainly fucceed if he is introduced; for nothing fo much prevails with the vain part of that fex, as the glory of deceiving them who have deceived others.

Defunt multa.

CHAPTER XL.

MR. BICKERSTAFF'S EXTRAORDINARY CURES-ON THE AFFECTATION OF FAULTS AND IMPERFECTIONS

AVING taken upon me to cure all the distempers which proceed from affections of the mind, I have laboured fince I first kept this publick stage, to to do all the good I could, and have perfected many cures at my own lodgings, carefully avoiding the common method of mountebanks, to do their most eminent operations in fight of the people; but must be so just to my patients as to declare, they have teftified under their hands, their fenfe of my poor abilities, and the good I have done them, which I publish for the benefit of the world, and not out of any thoughts of private advantage.

I have cured fine Mrs. Spy of a great imperfection in her eyes, which made her eternally rolling them from one coxcomb to another in publick places, in fo languifhing a manner, that it at once leffened her own power, and her beholders vanity. Twenty drops of my ink, placed in certain letters on which she attentively looked for half an hour, have restored her to the true use of her fight, which is to guide and not mislead us. Ever fince he took the liquor, which I call Bickerstaff's Circumfpection-Water, fhe looks right forward, and can bear being looked at for half a day without returning one glance. This water has a peculiar virtue in it, which makes it the only true cosmetick or beauty-wash in the world: the nature of it is fuch, that if you go to a glass, with a design to admire your face, it immediately changes it into downright deformity. If you confult it only to look with a better coun

tenance upon your friends, it immediately gives an alacrity to the vifage, and new grace to the whole perfon. There is indeed a great deal owing to the conftitution of the person to whom it is applied: it is in vain to give it when the patient is in the rage of the distemper; a bride in her first month, a lady foon after her husband's being knighted, or any person of either fex who has lately obtained any new fortune or preferment, must be prepared fome time before they use it. It has an effect upon others, as well as the patient, when it is taken in due form. Lady Petulant has by the use of it cured her husband of jealoufy, and Lady Gad her whole neighbourhood of detraction.

The fame of these things, added to my being an old fellow, makes me extremely acceptable to the fair fex. You would hardly believe me, when I tell you there is not a man in town fo much their delight as myself. They make no more of visiting me than going to Madam D'Epingle's. There were two of them, namely, Damia and Clidamira (I assure you women of distinction) who came to see me this morning in their way to prayers; and being in a very diverting humour (as innocence always makes people cheerful), they would needs have me according to the diftinction of pretty and very pretty fellows, inform them if I thought either of them had a title to the very pretty among those of their own sex; and if I did, which was the more deferving of the two?

To put them to the trial, "Look ye," faid I, "I must not rashly give my judgment in matters of this importance. Pray let me fee you dance, I play upon the kit." They immediately fell back to the lower end of the room (you may be sure they curt'fy'd low enough to me) and began. Never were two in the world fo equally match'd, and both scholars to my namefake Ifaac. Never was man in fo dangerous a condition as myself, when they began to expand their charms. "Oh! ladies, ladies," cried I, "not half that air-you'll fire the house." Both smiled, for by the bye, there is no carrying a metaphor too far when a lady's charms are fpoke of. Somebody, I think, has call'd a fine woman dancing a brandished torch of beauty. These rivals moved with fuch an agreeable freedom,

that you would believe their gefture was the necessary effect of the mufick, and not the product of skill and practice. Now Clidamira came on with a crowd of graces, and demanded my judgment with so sweet an air-And she had no fooner carried it, but Damia made her utterly forgot by a gentle finking and a rigadoon step. The conteft held a full halfhour; and I proteft, I faw no manner of difference in their perfections till they came up together, and expected sentence. "Look ye, ladies," faid I, "I fee no difference in the least in your performance; but you Clidamira feem to be fo well. fatisfied that I fhall determine for you, that I must give it to Damia, who stands with fo much diffidence and fear, after fhewing an equal merit to what she pretends to. Therefore, Clidamira, you are a pretty, but, Damia, you are a very pretty lady. For," faid I, "beauty lofes its force, if not accompanied with modefty. She that has an humble opinion of herself will have everybody's applause, because she does not expect it, while the vain creature lofes approbation through too great a sense of deferving it."

The generality of mankind are fo very fond of this world, and of staying in it, that a man cannot have eminent skill in any one art but they will, in fpite of his teeth, make him a physician also, that being the science the worldlings have most need of. I pretended, when I first fet up, to aftrology only, but I am told I have deep skill also in medicine. I am applied to now by a gentleman for my advice in behalf of his wife, who, upon the least matrimonial difficulty, is exceffively troubled with fits, and can bear no manner of paffion without falling into immediate convulfions. I must confefs it is a cafe I have known before, and remember the party was recovered by certain words pronounced in the midst of the fit by the learned doctor who performed the cure. These ails have usually their beginning from the affections of the mind, therefore you must have patience to let me give you an inftance whereby you may difcern the cause of the diftemper, and then proceed in cure as follows::

A fine town-lady was married to a gentleman of ancient defcent in one of the counties of Great Britain, who had good

humour to a weakness, and was that fort of person of whom it is ufually faid, "he is no man's enemy but his own;" one who had too much tenderness of foul to have any authority with his wife, and she too little sense to give him authority for that reafon. His kind wife obferved this temper in him, and made proper use of it; but knowing it was below a gentlewoman to wrangle, fhe refolved upon an expedient to fave decorum, and wear her dear to her point at the fame time: she therefore took upon her to govern him by falling into fits whenever she was repulfed in a request or contradicted in a discourse. It was a fish-day, when, in the midst of her husband's good humour at table, she bethought herself to try her project. She made figns that she had fwallowed a bone. The man grew pale as ashes, and ran to her affistance, calling for drink. "No, my dear," said fhe, recovering, "it is down, don't be frightened." This accident betrayed his softness enough. The next day fhe complained, "a lady's chariot, whofe husband had not half his estate, had a crane neck, and hung with twice the air that her's did." He answered, "Madam, you know my income, you know I have loft two coach-horses this fpring." Down she fell. "Hartshorn! Betty, Sufan, Alice, throw water in her face." With much care and pains fhe was at last brought to herself, and the vehicle in which fhe vifited was amended in the nicest manner to prevent relapses, but they frequently happened during that husband's whole life, which he had the good fortune to end in a few years after. The difconfolate foon pitched upon a very agreeable fucceffor, whom fhe very prudently designed to govern by the fame method. This man knew her little arts, and refolved to break through all tenderness and be abfolute master as foon as occafion offered. One day it happened that a discourse arose about furniture. He was very

glad of the occafion, and fell into an invective against china, protesting he would never let five pounds more of his money be laid out that way as long as he breathed. She immediately fainted.He ftarts up as amazed, and calls for help.The maids ran to the closet.- -He chafes her face, bends her forward, and beats the palms of her hands. Her convul

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