a profound tranquillity. Upon the mantle-tree (for I am a pretty curious obferver) stood a pot of lambative electuary, with a stick of liquorice, and near it a phial of rofe-water and powder of tutty. Upon the table lay a pipe filled with betony and colt's-foot, a roll of wax-candle, a filver spitting-pot, and a Seville orange. The lady was placed in a large wicker chair, and her feet wrapped up in flannel, fupported by cushions; and in this attitude, would you believe it, Isaac, she was reading a romance with spectacles on. The first compliments over, as she was industriously endeavouring to enter upon conversation, a violent fit of coughing feized her. This awaked Shock, and in a trice the whole room was in an uproar, for the dog barked, the squirrel squealed, the monkey chattered, the parrot screamed, and Urfula, to appease them, was more clamorous than all the rest. You, Ifaac, who know how any harsh noife affects my head, may. guess what I fuffered from the hideous din of these difcordant founds. At length all was appeafed and quiet restored, a chair was drawn for me, where I was no fooner feated but the parrot fixed his horny beak, as sharp as a pair of fhears, in one of my heels, just above the shoe. I fprung from the place with an unusual agility, and fo, being within the monkey's reach, he fnatches off my new bob-wig, and throws it upon two apples that were roafting by a fullen fea-coal fire. I was nimble enough to fave it from any further damage than fingeing the fore top. I put it on, and compofing myself as well as I could, I drew my chair towards the other fide of the chimney. The good lady, as foon as she had recovered breath, employed it in making a thousand apologies, and with great eloquence, and a numerous train of words, lamented my misfortune. In the middle of her harangue I felt fomething scratching near my knee, and feeling what it fhould be, found the squirrel had got into my coat-pocket. As I endeavoured to remove him from his burrow, he made his teeth meet through the fleshy part of my fore-finger. This gave me an inexpreffible pain. The Hungary water was immediately brought to bathe it, and gold-beaters' skin applied to stop the blood. The lady

renewed her excufes; but being now out of all patience, I abruptly took my leave, and bobbing down ftairs with heedless hafte, I fet my foot full in a pail of water, and down we came to the bottom together." Here my friend concluded his narrative, and with a compofed countenance I began to make him compliments of condolence; but he ftarted from his chair, and faid, "Ifaac, you may fpare your fpeeches, I expect no reply. When I told you this, I knew you would laugh at me; but the next woman that makes me ridiculous fhall be a young one."

Cur in theatrum, Cato fevere, venifti?

What business had grave Cato in the theatre?

MART.

FIND it is thought neceffary that I (who have taken upon me to cenfure the irregularities of the age) fhould give an account of my own actions when they appear doubtful or fubject to mifconftruction. My appear

ing at the play on Monday laft, is looked upon as a ftep in my conduct, which I ought to explain, that others may not be misled by my example. It is true, in matter of fact, I was prefent at the ingenious entertainment of that day, and placed myfelf in a box which was prepared for me with great civility and diftinction. It is faid of Virgil, when he entered a Roman theatre, where there were many thousands of spectators prefent, that the whole affembly rofe up to do him honour, a refpect which was never before paid to any but the but the emperor. I must confefs, that univerfal clap, and other teftimonies of applause with which I was received at my first appearance in the theatre of Great Britain, gave me as fenfible a delight as the above-mentioned reception could give to that immortal poet. I fhould be ungrateful at the fame time if I did not take this opportunity of acknowledging the great civilities that were fhewn me by Mr. Thomas Dogget, who made his compliments

to me between the acts, after a moft ingenuous and discreet manner, and at the fame time communicated to me that the Company of Upholders defired to receive me at their door at the end of the Haymarket, and to light me home to my lodgings. That part of the ceremony I forbad, and took particular care during the whole play to obferve the conduct of the drama, and give no offence by own behaviour. Here, I think, it will not be foreign to my character to lay down the proper duties of an audience, and what is incumbent upon each individual spectator in publick diverfions of this nature. Every one should on thefe occafions fhew his attention, understanding, and virtue. I would undertake to find out all the persons of sense and breeding by the effect of a single sentence, and to distinguish a gentleman as much by his laugh as his bow. When we see the footman and his lord diverted by the fame jeft, it very much turns to the diminution of the one or the honour of the other. But though a man's quality may appear in his understanding and tafte, the regard to virtue ought to be the fame in all ranks and conditions of men, however they make a profession of it under the name of honour, religion, or morality. When, therefore, we fee anything divert an audience, either in tragedy or comedy, that ftrikes at the duties of civil life, or expofes what the best men in all ages have looked upon as facred and inviolable, it is the certain fign of a profligate race of men, who are fallen from the virtue of their forefathers, and will be contemptible in the eyes of their pofterity. For this reafon I took great delight in seeing the generous and difinterested paffion of the lovers in this comedy (which stood fo many trials, and was proved by fuch a variety of diverting incidents), received with a univerfal approbation. This brings to my mind a paffage in Cicero, which I could never read without being in love with the virtue of a Roman audience. He there describes the fhouts and applauses which the people gave to the perfons who acted the parts of Pilades and Orestes, in the noblest occafion that a poet could invent to fhew friendship in perfection. One of them had forfeited his life by an action which he had committed, and as they ftood in judgment before the