proportion to my knowledge and profession. The doctrines of the Gospel are full of consolation at all times, and in all cases. I have often found them so; yet there is too, too frequently, a sorrowful return of fears, jealousies, and distrusts, which I impute to the weak, wavering, and languishing condition of my faith. "If," says the Prophet, "ye will not believe, surely ye shall not be established." Why overwhelm myself with anxiety, on account of deaths upon deaths, deaths among my friends, and deaths in the congregation. The Lord is telling me that the time is short, that life is uncertain, and that all that cometh is vanity. One of my small charge, an elder, the first breach made in the session, is now lying a corpse. We have been long spared; the Lord hath dealt mercifully with us, preserving those whom I looked upon as the roots and pillars of the congregation; and although death is now begun to cut off these, yet the Head of the church is able to raise up others in their place, and fill up their vacant seats in the meeting. Correct us, but with judgment, not in thine anger, lest thou bring us to nothing; we cannot wish to be altogether unpunished; we may, however, pray that the Lord would not make a full end of us. We have been visited of late with some sharp providences of this kind; let me rejoice that the Lord liveth; when the arrows of death fly so thick around me, and have slain one so near me, what a wonder that I escape! Let the divine patience and long suffering kindness towards me be salvation; let me act in my private, and preach in my public character, as a dying man to dying men. Amen.

Tranent, Feb. 24, 1790. Evening of the Fast-day.If the Lord will, the Sacrament is to be dispensed

here on Sabbath first. I feel at present very languid, harassed with vain thoughts, vexed with anxiety, distrust, fretfulness, and innumerable evils besides; no hope for me but in the blood of Christ, which cleanseth from all sin. This, if I am not deceiving myself, is the anchor of my soul, the ground of my rejoicing, that though I have lain among the pots, yet I shall appear as a dove, covered with silver, and her feathers with yellow gold: were it not for this blood, and the spirit of sanctification, I could not hope for acceptance now, nor any time. Let me look unto the Lord and expect his presence at the approaching solemnity; be of good courage, my soul, his grace is sufficient, and his promise is sure; I am with you always, why art thou then cast down, and what should discourage thee? Is not this enough? The Lord will be my strength and song, and will also become my salvation ; so I pray and trust. In this faith I purpose to go on in my Christian and ministerial work.

Since the death of my dear wife this appears a changed world to me; I am presently sitting in solitude and sorrow, but would fain hope my blessed Redeemer hath not left me comfortless. To the praise of the glory of his grace, these words, and this promise," I will never leave thee nor forsake thee," have often in my affliction occurred to my mind, and been supporting to my grieved heart. Happy to find among the papers of the deceased * some containing an account of her religious exercises; was thence prompted to look over some of the same kind, which I had written concerning the exercises of my own mind; found they were written on loose pieces of paper,

* See Appendix..

some of them hardly legible; thought it proper to write them again; perhaps they may be comforting to myself in some future period, or to some of my most intimate and religious friends, into whose hands they may fall when I am no more with them in this world. If I am not mistaken, God began to deal with me at an early period of my life: though I cannot mention the particular time nor place, nor the instrument by whom, yet have a distant remembrance of hearing the word preached with much satisfaction, and chiefly by that great man of God, Mr. Brown of Haddington. I can also call to mind seasons about the time when I was first admitted to the table of the Lord, when I felt much delight in secret prayer. I think now, that the Lord was then drawing me to himself with the cords of love; from that time to this have often experienced that duty pleasant and comfortable. I can hardly allow myself to think I am deceived in this matter; but if I am, let the good Lord convince me of my error, and O preserve me from going down to the grave with a lie in my right hand. No, Lord, I do, as I have often done, appeal to thine omniscient eye concerning my sincerity in religious matters.

Tranent, March 6, 1790.-Though sometimes forsaken and left in much weakness, and fear, and trembling, yet I serve a good master; though I am guilty of abusing his kindness, and sinning against him in the multitude of his mercies, he is sometimes pleased to grant me an enlivening and refreshing smile. I think my soul experienced something of this kind on the late solemnity, which is truly wonderful, considering my unworthiness, the vanity of my mind, and the coldness of my heart: truth, Lord, yet the

dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their master's table." To thy great goodness, in providence and in grace, I am indebted for all; a debt which I am allowed to increase, and which I would desire to acknowlege in frequent ascriptions of praise. Amen.

Tranent, March 27, 1790.-Ah! the weakness and wickedness of my heart, how it works incessantly, and prevails almost uninterruptedly in peevish, fretful, vain, and carnal thoughts; these, I think, have been more frequent and forcible of late than ever I felt them before. Alas! I am not what I should be under my affliction, like a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke, or like that King Ahaz, who in his distress trespassed yet more against the Lord. But wherefore is it so? Alas! I have provoked the spirit to depart, and I consider God in righteousness as taking vengeance on my inventions: just, O Lord, yet let mercy rejoice over judgment. O Lord, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure; have mercy upon me, for I am weak. O Lord, heal me, for my bones are vexed, my soul is also sore vexed; but thou, O Lord, how long; return O Lord, deliver my soul; Oh! save me for thy mercies sake. My experiences of late seem to me as a commentary on these words, and I think my heart goes along in the prayers which they contain. Though Providence appears to put on a gloomy aspect, and seems to have been frowning on me, both personally and relatively, since the death of my dear wife, yet I would fain encourage myself in the Lord my God, hoping that he will not chide continually, nor contend always, nor cast off for ever. No, no: come, my desponding, my distrustful, my vexed soul, wait on the Lord, and be of good courage, and he will strengthen

my heart; rejoice in the Lord when ye sit in solitude and sorrow; the time is short-ere long the days of thy mourning shall be ended; this is not thy rest; ye shall have happiness enough in heaven, whither I expect ye shall go, through the grace of the dear, dear Redeemer.

Tranent, April 2, 1790.-Were I to mark my present feelings, I might tell myself, and record perhaps for the perusal of others, that almost nothing else but flatness of spirits, deadness of heart, weakness of faith, strength of corruption, sinful anxiety and distrust, with innumerable other evils are to be found with the unworthy writer ;-behold I am vile, let me abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes. So far from becoming more patient and resigned to the will of God in the late awful visitation of his providence, I seem to myself as if I were growing more proud, more fretful, and more discontented. My solitude feeds my sorrow, and my sorrow tends to increase and strengthen these evil tempers. But, my God, (for nothwithstanding all my baseness and vileness, I cannot think of renouncing my claims, and I trust he will not disown me,) wherefore is it thus with me? Ah! it is my own wickedness correcting me, and my backslidings reproving me. I will not be right as long as I remain in this wretched world, and carry about with me a body of sin and death; pained with the evils of it, and the many causes of uneasiness in this unhappy state of existence, I think I have good reason to call frailty happy, death desirable, and to look on immortality with an ardent heart; but, Lord, I wish to be at thy disposal, and to wait thy time. I would only desire of thee that my strength may be equal to my day of service and suffering, and that