Will's Coffee-house, June 9. of A FINE lady shewed a gentleman of this company, for an eternal answer to all his addresses, a paper verses, with which she is so captivated, that she professed the author should be the happy man in spite of all other pretenders. It is ordinary for love to make men poetical, and it had that effect on this enamoured man: but he was resolved to try his vein upon some of her confidants or retinue, before he ventured upon so high a theme as herself. To do otherwise than so, would be like making an heroic poem a man's first attempt. Among the favourites to the fair-one, he found her parrot not to be in the last degree: he saw Poll had her ear, when his sighs were neglected. To write against him had been a fruitless labour, therefore he resolved to flatter him into his interest in the following manner : TO A LADY, ON HER PARROT. 'When nymphs were coy, and love could not prevail, The gods disguis'd were seldom known to fail; Leda was chaste, but yet a feather'd Jove Surpris'd the fair, and taught her how to love. For any form which might to thee admit. See how the wanton bird, at every glance, Swells his glad plumes, and feels an amorous trance; It is indeed a very just proposition to give that honour rather to the parrot than the other volatile. The parrot represents us in the state of making love: the dove, in the possession of the object beloved. But, instead of turning the dove off, I fancy it would be better if the chaise of Venus had hereafter a parrot added (as we see sometimes a third horse to a coach), which might intimate, that to be a parrot, is the only way to succeed; and to be a dove, to preserve your conquests. If the swain would go on successfully, he must imitate the bird he writes upon: for he who would be loved by women, must never be silent before the favour, or open his lips after it. From my own Apartment, June 10. I HAVE SO many messages from young gentlemen who expect preferment and distinction, that I am wholly at a loss in what manner to acquit myself. The writer of the following letter tells me in a postscript, he cannot go out of town until I have taken some notice of him, and is very urgent to be somebody in it, before he returns to his commons at the university. But take it from himself. • To Isaac Bickerstaff, esquire, monitor-general of Great-Britain. SIR, 2 Shire-lane, June 8. I HAVE been above six months from the university, of age these three months, and so long in town. I was recommended to one Charles Bubbleboy near the Temple, who has supplied me with all the furniture he says a gentleman ought to have. I desired a certificate thereof from him, which he said would require some time to consider of; and, when I went yesterday morning for it, he tells me, upon due consideration, I still want some few odd things more, to the value of threescore or fourscore pounds, to make * Charles Mather, then a toyman in Fleet-street. me complete. I have bespoke them; and the favour I beg of you is, to know, when I am equipped, in what part or class of men in this town you will place me. Pray send me word what I am, and you shall find me, Sir, your most humble servant, JEFFRY NICKNACK.' I am very willing to encourage young beginners, but am extremely in the dark how to dispose of this gentleman. I cannot see either his person or habit in this letter; but I will call at Charles's, and know the shape of his snuff-box, by which I can settle his character. Though, indeed, to know his full capacity, I ought to be informed whether he takes Spanish or Musty3. STEELE. I N° 28. TUESDAY, JUNE 14, 1709. Quicquid agunt homines nostri est farrago libelli. JUV. Sat. i. 85, 86. Whatever good is done, whatever ill By human kind, shall this collection fill. White's Chocolate-house, June 13. HAD suspended the business of duelling to a distant time, but that I am called upon to declare myself on a point proposed in the following letter'. 3 In the Spanish fleet which was taken or burnt at Vigo in 1703, a quantity of musty snuff was made prize of; and it soon became fashionable to use no snuff but what had this musty flavour. 1 See N° 25, 26, 29, 31, 38, and 39. SIR, June 9, at night. I DESIRE the favour of you to decide this question, whether calling a gentleman a smart fellow is an affront or not? A youth entering a certain coffee-house, with his cane tied to his button, wearing red-heeled shoes, I thought of your description, and could not forbear telling a friend of mine next to me, "there enters a smart fellow." The gentleman, hearing it, had immediately a mind to pick a quarrel with me, and desired satisfaction; at which I was more puzzled than at the other, remembering what mention your familiar makes of those that had lost their lives on such occasions. The thing is referred to your judgment; and I expect you to be my second, since you have been the cause of our quarrel. I am, Sir, your friend and humble servant.' I absolutely pronounce that there is no occasion of offence given in this expression; for a 'smart fellow is always an appellation of praise, and is a man of double capacity. The true cast or mould in which you may be sure to know him is, when his livelihood or education is in the civil list, and you see him express a vivacity of mettle above the way he is in by a ·little jerk in his motion, short trip in his steps, wellfancied lining of his coat, or any other indications which may be given in a vigorous dress?. Now, what possible insinuation can there be, that it is a cause of quarrel for a man to say, he allows a gentleman really to be, what his tailor, his hosier, and his milliner, have conspired to make him? I confess, if this person who appeals to me had said, he was not a smart fel 2 See N° 9, 24, 26, and 27. low,' there had been cause for resentment; but if he stands to it that he is one, he leaves no manner of ground for misunderstanding. Indeed it is a most lamentable thing, that there should be a dispute raised upon a man's saying another is what he plainly takes pains to be thought. But this point cannot be so well adjusted, as by inquiring what are the sentiments of wise nations and communities, of the use of the sword, and from thence conclude whether it is honourable to draw it so frequently or not? An illustrious commonwealth of Italy 3 has preserved itself for many ages, without letting one of their subjects handle this destructive instrument; always leaving that work to such of mankind as understand the use of a whole skin so little, as to make a profession of exposing it to cuts and scars. But what need we run to such foreign instances? Our own ancient and well-governed cities are conspicuous examples to all mankind in their regulation of military achievements. The chief citizens, like the noble Italians, hire mercenaries to carry arms in their stead; and you shall have a fellow of a desperate fortune, for the gain of one half crown, go through all the dangers of Tothill-fields, or the Artillery-ground, clap his right jaw within two inches of the touch-hole of a musquet, fire it off, and huzza, with as little concern as he tears a pullet. Thus you 3 Venice, which declined engaging in the war of the Grand Alliance in 1702. When it had occasion for soldiers, this republic commonly employed German, Swiss, or other foreign mercenaries. 4 The city train-bands were at this time very justly a standing subject of ridicule, for their motley appearance and ill discipline. See No 38, and 41. |