praise, and that highly-not to speak it profanely, that, neither having the accent of Christians, nor the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellow'd, that I have thought some of nature's journeymen had made men, and not made them well, they imitated humanity so abominably. This should be reformed altogether. And let those, that play your clowns, speak no more than is set down for them for there be of them, that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too; though in the mean time, some necessary question of the play be then to be considered: that's villanous, and shews a most pitiful ambition in the fool that uses it.'

From my own Apartment, June 29.

It would be a very great obligation, and an assistance to my treatise upon punning, if any one would please to inform me in what class among the learned who play with words, to place the author of the following letter:

6 SIR,

• Nor long since you were pleased to give us a chimerical account of the famous family of the Staffs, from whence I suppose you would insinuate, that it is the most ancient and numerous house in all Europe. But I positively deny that it is either, and wonder much at your audacious proceedings in this matter, since it is well known, that our most illustrious, most renowned, and most celebrated Roman family of Ix has enjoyed the precedency to all others, from the reign of good old Saturn. I could say much to the defamation and disgrace of your family; as, that your relations Distaff and Broomstaff were

both inconsiderable mean persons, one spinning, the other sweeping the streets, for their daily bread. But I forbear to vent my spleen on objects so much beneath my indignation. I shall only give the world a catalogue of my ancestors, and leave them to determine which hath hitherto had, and which for the future ought to have, the preference.

First then comes the most famous and popular lady Meretrix, parent of the fertile family of Bellatrix, Lotrix, Netrix, Nutrix, Obstetrix, Famulatrix, Coctrix, Ornatrix, Sarcinatrix, Fextrix, Balneatrix, Portatrix, Saltatrix, Divinatrix, Conjectrix, Comtrix, Debitrix, Creditrix, Donatrix, Ambulatrix, Mercatrix, Adsectrix, Assectatrix, Palpatrix, Præceptrix, Pistrix.

I am yours,

STEELE.

ELIZ. POTATRIX.'

N° 36. SATURDAY, JULY 2, 1709.

Quicquid agunt homines————

nostri est farrago libelli.

Whatever good is done, whatever ill

JUV. Sat. i. 85, 86.

By human kind, shall this collection fill.

BY MRS. JENNY DISTAFF, HALF-SISTER TO MR.
BICKERSTAFF.

From my own Apartment, June 30.

MANY affairs calling my brother into the country, the care of our intelligence with the town is left to me for some time; therefore you must expect the ad

vices you meet with in this paper, to be such as
more immediately and naturally fall under the con-
sideration of our sex. History, therefore, written by
a woman, you will easily imagine to consist of love
in all its forms, both in the abuse of, and obedience
to, that passion. As to the faculty of writing itself,
it will not, it is hoped, be demanded that style and
ornament shall be so much consulted, as truth and
simplicity; which latter qualities we may more
justly pretend to beyond the other sex. While,
therefore, the administration of our affairs is in my
hands, you shall from time to time have an exact
account of all false lovers, and their shallow pre-
tences for breaking off; of all termagant wives who
make wedlock a yoke; of men who affect the enter-
tainments and manners suitable only to our sex, and
women who pretend to the conduct of such affairs
as are only within the province of men.
It is ne-
cessary further to advertise the reader, that the usual
places of resort being utterly out of my province or
observation, I shall be obliged frequently to change
the dates of places, as occurrences come into my
way. The following letter I lately received from
Epsom1:

Epsom, June 28.

Ir is now almost three weeks since what you writ about happened in this place: the quarrel between my friends did not run so high as I find your accounts have made it. The truth of the fact you shall have very faithfully. You are to understand, that the

' Epsom was a watering-place pretty much resorted to in the summer season; and its water was sold in London at 2 d. per quart both summer and winter.

persons concerned in this scene were lady Autumn, and lady Springly. Autumn is a person of good breeding, formality, and a singular way practised in the last age; and lady Springly, a modern impertinent of our sex, who affects as improper a familiarity as the other does distance. Lady Autumn knows to a hair's breadth where her place is in all assemblies and conversations; but Springly neither gives nor takes place of any body, but understands the place to signify no more, than to have room enough to be at ease wherever she comes. Thus, while Autumn takes the whole of this life to consist in understanding punctilio and decorum, Springly takes every thing to be becoming, which contributes to her ease and satisfaction. These heroines have married two brothers, both knights. Springly is the spouse of the elder, who is a baronet; and Autumn, being a rich widow, has taken the younger, and her purse endowed him with an equal fortune, and knighthood of the same order. This jumble of titles, you need not doubt, has been an aching torment to Autumn, who took place of the other on no pretence, but her carelessness and disregard of distinction. The secret occasion of envy broiled long in the breast of Autumn; but no opportunity of contention on that subject happening, kept all things quiet until the accident of which you demand an account.

'It was given out among all the gay people of this place, that on the ninth instant several damsels, swift of foot, were to run for a suit of head-clothes at the Old Wells. Lady Autumn on this occasion invited Springly to go with her in her coach to see the race. When they came to the place, where the governor of Epsom and all his court of citizens were asseinVOL. I.

S

bled, as well as a crowd of people of all orders, a brisk young fellow addresses himself to the younger of the ladies, viz. Springly, and offers her his service to conduct her into the music-room. Springly accepts the compliment, and is led triumphantly through a bowing crowd, while Autumn is left among the rabble, and has much ado to get back into her coach; but she did it at last: and, as it is usual to see by the horses my lady's present disposition, she orders John to whip furiously home to her husband; where, when she enters, down she sits, began to unpin her hood, and lament her foolish fond heart, to marry into a family where she was so little regarded, she that might- Here she stops; then rises up, and stamps, and sits down again. Her gentle knight made his approach with a supple beseeching gesture. My dear!" said he "Tell me no dears!" replied Autumn-" In the presence of the governor and all the merchants-What will the world say of a woman that has thrown herself away at this rate!" Sir Thomas withdrew, and knew it would not be long a secret to him; as well as that experience told him, he that marries a fortune is of course guilty of all faults against his wife, let them be committed by whom they will. But Springly, an hour or two after, returns from the Wells, and finds the whole company together. Down she sat, and a profound silence ensued. You know a premeditated quarrel usually begins and works up with the words " some people." The silence was broken by lady Autumn, who began to say, "There are some people who fancy, that if some people" Springly immediately takes her up, "There are some people who fancy, if other people" Autumn repartees, "People may