of God, which taketh away the sins of the world! on thy consecrated head I lay the hand of faith, confess my sins, pray for forgiveness, and believe that I am forgiven. July 29th, my birth day, and the last day of the three score years and ten of my sinful life. What an exhibition will that day produce, when the secrets of all hearts will be laid open, all my actions, and all the springs of them. In all the myriads which shall appear at the bar of God, will there be such a sinner? taking into view the early grace manifested. Born, I think, about the seventeenth year of my natural life; previously instructed in the doctrines and precepts of the scriptures, as far as the natural mind can conceive, by pious parents and a faithful pastor; milk provided for my spiritual infancy, and richer food set before me for my growth; the leaves of the New Covenant were opened to my view, and the fulness treasured in Christ, for my supply; to be asked, to be sucked, to be delighted in-and delighted I was, and satisfied. But Oh! Oh! Oh! I forsook the fountain of living waters, and hewed out broken cisterns that could hold no water. Where can language be found to depict my ingratitude, my madness, my folly; and where to describe the long-suffering, the compassionate remonstrances; the kindly, fatherly chastisements; the repeated pardons, and restorations of my gracious God in days of youth: aggravating my renewed backslidings, bringing upon my sinful soul vengeance for my inventions? What were the sins of Israel and Judah to mine? the great atonement was made, the adorable High Priest, Jesus, had with his own blood entered within the veil, and was set on the right hand of the throne of the Majesty of the heavens: the minister of the sanctuary, and of the true tabernacle which the Lord pitched, and not man. The New Covenant was exhibited, established on better promises, himself the Mediator. The new and living way was consecrated to the holiest of all by the blood of Jesus; a throne of grace was established; Jesus himself our Advocate and Intercessor. We are now privileged to come boldly to a throne of grace, that we may find grace to help in the time of need. O how aggravated my sin above theirs, having such great and precious privileges and promises, and a High Priest who can be touched with the feeling of our infirmities, who was in all points tempted as we are; who owns us as his brethren and sisters, yea, the very members of his body,, and his Spirit dwelling in us. I set apart the day for fasting and deep humiliation, took another survey of my past sinful life; confessed particulars on my knees, and made a fresh application to the blood of sprinkling which cleanseth from all sin; took a fresh hold of his New Covenant of promise.This is the Covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws in their hearts, and in their minds will I write them, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more. Lord, do as thou hast said. I rest my immortal soul on thy promise. July 30, 1812. THE day set apart by the General Assembly and State Legislature for fasting and humiliation, confession of sin, and prayer. Dr. R-read the 2d chapter of Jeremiah, a great portion of which belongs to my own character, as an individual; and is laid up as part of that provision which is to support me through the last stage in the wilderness, and through Jordan, over which I must shortly pass; laid in as a proof of the amazing longsuffering of God, and his readiness to forgive, even the vile backslider, in heart and life, as proclaimed in chapter iii. Sabbath, December 8, 1812. DR. R-- preached from Psalm cxxxviii. 7, 8. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me thou shall stretch forth thine hand against mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me. Text, The Lord will perfect that which concerns me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands. I will no longer mourn over loss of memory; I think the Lord has more than made it up to me by his sensible presence, while hearing and applying the sermon to my heart, at the time: not only so, he enlightens my understanding; it opens more to the elucidations of my Pastor; and though I forget the words, and the order of his discourses, I am instructed in the knowledge of the subject, and the scriptures in general. Shall I deny the grace of God, through fear of pride? I see it not to be my duty. Can I attribute any thing to myself? No; shame and confusion of face belong to me for my carelessness and idleness in the use of means, during health and strength of body and mind. Never has God dealt with me as I sinned, but according to his own mercy, and in a way of great sovereignty. Let me record his great goodness, his tender mercies, and bless his name. Y Old age is upon me, and some of its infirmities; my memory is much impaired, and my mind, in temporal things and subjects, becomes very desultory. Not so in spirituals: I think, I not only hear and read with more intense attention, and prompt application; but my mind is more disposed to meditation; and though I cannot remember much of the sermons I hear, yet my mind is often furnished with happy and profitable thoughts on the same subjects; and I find myself instructed, without remembering the instructions. is evidently from the Lord. It appears to me also that I have not lost the sensibility of youth. I often shed tears, not only of compunction, but of gratitude. I seldom commune without tears. I think much of death; am solemnized, but not afraid. This As far as I know, my confidence rests upon a suretyrighteousness, exclusive of every thing in myself. I am not conscious of self-righteousness; I have no complacency in any thing ever done by me. I not only believe, that in all things I come short, and that sin is mixed in all I do, because God hath said so; but am sensible of the particular depravity. It is my sincere desire to be stript of every thing that is mine; sins and duties laid in one heap, and I clothed in the surety righteousness of my Redeemer: all that is mine put to his account, and all that he did and suffered, as the Mediator and surety of the Covenant, to mine. I am afflicted with rheumatism, but God gives me patience, enumerates my many remaining mercies; -eyes to read his word, and ears to hear it preached : hitherto such moderation of pain as very often to be able to attend with fixedness. I have my room at my own command, candle, fire, and attendance; and, O bless the Lord my soul! much of his sensible presence. In the night when my aches prevent me from sleeping, he gives me some sweet hymn; I sing, my pain is diverted, while my heart is melted and warmed under the expressions, and I often drop asleep with the words on my tongue. I am convinced that the provision I have laid in for my last journey in the wilderness, and through Jordan, is selected by the influence of the Holy Ghost. He takes of the things of Christ, and shews them unto me; and while he keeps upon my mind my meanness, my vile. ness, wrings my heart with the reirospect of my backslidings and highly aggravated transgressions, he opens at the same time the leaves of the New Testament, and shows me my deliverance from punishment, the redemption of my soul, and my translation into the kingdom of God's dear Son, as in the text: I weep and rejoice; I loathe myself, and clasping my Saviour to my heart, am at a loss for words to express how pre cious he is to my saved soul! "Jesus! I love thy charming name, "Tis music to my ear, Fain would I sound it out so loud, That Heaven and earth should hear Yes, thou art precious to my soul, My transport, and my trust, My Saviour, Shepherd, Husband, Friend, All my capacious powers can wish, In thee doth richly meet, Not to mine eyes is light so dear, Thy grace shall dwell upon my heart, |