same faith; the Spirit producing the effect of conformity to his example; working in me that meek and lowly Spirit for which I have been praying. And now by grace communicated, I hope to watch over my Spirit with more success than formerly.

I wait for thy salvation.

1814.

JOEL ii. 2. A day of darkness and of gloominess, a day of cloud and of thick darkness, as the morning spread upon the mountains.

Not in temporals, nor in the means of Grace; every thing that earth can afford is gathered into my present cup it is full and runs over with earthly good, and a large measure of health to enjoy it: moral temporals are also mine in no common degree; friendship, society at my choice, and respectability in it. Rich means of grace within my reach, my my Bible, and books of every kind, and great variety, at my hand, of instruction and of devotion. Mine eyes see my teachers, and my judgment approves of their doctrine, as corresponding with that sure word of testimony, "given me as the test of all human writings." Yet it is a day of darkness and of gloom.

Isaiah 1. 10.

Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness and hath no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay himself upon his God.

To trust in the name of the Lord, and to stay myself upon my God, is still my privilege; and though with little lite and little comfort, my experience: my mind is so desultory, my Bible, and helps of men's deductions and experiences, seem useless; they are not blessed as

means to fix my heart; trifles of every sort pass and repass often; while my eyes read the words, my mind is gone in a dream on some other subject; my heart remains unimpressed, my mind uninformed; the same prayer, especially in secret, and in the family: less so in the sanctuary.

in

I seem, as to apprehension, left to my own dark, dismal, carnal self; naked faith on the finished work of my Redeemer is all that supports me; and that as a bare preventive of fear, and source of a hope that I shall yet praise him who is the health of my countenance and my God. I know his covenant stands fast, I have taken hold of it; I do at this cold and stupid moment place my confidence in it. Christ is God's Covenant ; God's gift to sinners; I believe it; he is the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world; I believe it: I believe on the Son for all the purposes for which God has sent him into the world; therefore I have everlasting life: I believe the record that God gave of his Son; that God hath given to me eternal life, and this life is in his Son, not in me, but in union with him. He that hath the Son hath life, He that hath not the Son hath not life. John v.

I thank thee, my God, that thou hast not left me to cast away my confidence in Christ. I have life in him, and no life but as I have it from him. Thou seest how it is with me; thou art my reconciled Father in Christ, but thou hast shut me out from thy presence. I do not enjoy thee; my poor heart is tossed from trifle to trifle. It has been my way through life to destroy myself, and thy way to deliver me. Thou hast been very gracious to me in my old age. I have enjoyed much of thy presence in thy sanctuary, and in my private hours; and although sin has dwelt and does dwell in me, I have en

joyed thy forgiving grace, and have tasted thy love, far beyond what I have for weeks past. Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Show me wherefore thou contendest with me. Am I living in the indulgence of any known wilful sin? or in the habitual neglect of any known duty? Lord, it is not in man that walketh, to direct his steps. I know I have been unthankful, unwatchful, idle; alas! this is my ordinary, but it is not the ordinary of my Lord God, merciful and gracious, to mark iniquity against me, but to forgive me daily, to lead me to the blood of sprinkling; to give me contrition, and to restore me to his favour by giving me joy and peace in believing. Help, Lord! give me heart searching exercises. I read thy word, I set about that to which thou callest me. I set apart this day for fasting, but the gracious exercises are not in me. Come, O come, and exercise me! Exalted Prince; give repentance and remission; in thy light let me see light.

Joel ii. 12. Therefore now turn ye unto me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping and mourning, rend your heart and not your garments, turn unto the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and

great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil. O do I not know thee by this name? has it not been thy name to me throughout this wide wilderness, pardoning iniquity, transgression and sin? Thou hast prepared a prayer for me-turn me and I shall be turned, for thou art the Lord my God. Jer. xxxi. 18. Look to thy new Covenant in the same chapter; it is all promise, I can do nothing in it. Christ, by thine own appointment, answers for my part, or rather I have no part. I can render nothing to the Lord for all his benefits to me.

I will put forth the withered hand to take the cup of salvation, and call on the name of the Lord.

Ten o'clock. The day is spent-I have confessed, and endeavoured to turn to the Lord with mourning, but with little sensibility.

I attended meeting in the evening, heard two excellent discourses on the priesthood of Christ, and joined in two prayers and three hymns, with more fixed attention than has been my attainment lately; for this, I thank thee, my God. Many have been the beginnings of days, and of months, which thou hast afforded after backsliding. O add this to the number! Psal. 143. Hear my prayer, O Lord; give ear to my supplication; in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness. Enter not into judgment with thy servant, for in thy sight shall no flesh living be justified.

My spirit is overwhelmed within me, my heart within me is desolate. I stretch out my hands unto thee; my soul thirsteth after thee, in a thirsty land. Hear me speedily, O Lord: my spirit faileth; hide not thy face from me, least I be like unto those that go down into the pit. Cause me to hear thy loving kindness in the morning, for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my soul unto thee. Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me. Teach me to do thy will, for thou art my God. Thy Spirit is good, lead me into the land of uprightness. Quicken me, O Lord, for thy name's sake; for thy righteousness sake, bring my soul out of trouble. I wait for thy salvation.

This heart my Jesus bought with blood,

It is his honest claim;

O seize it, fix it, Saviour God,

To give it is my aim.

July 17, 1814.

Sacrament Sabbath. Mr. R- preached from 1st Peter i. 8, 9. Whom having not seen ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory; receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

I had requested to be brought into my Lord's banqueting house, and to be feasted with love this day. I ate the bread and drank the wine in the faith, that I ate the flesh and drank the blood of the Son of man, and dwelt in him and he in me. Took a close view of my familiar friend Death, accompanied with the pre