eight or ten days before, all in usual health; when having accomplished my business, and returning home, I was met by a friend, who informed me that my child was dead and buried. "As oppressed with grief I rode silently homeward, the thought struck me,- This is the voice of God to eall me to repentance. What excnse can I now have? Un "My conscience frequently accused me of the sinfulness of my heart and conduct; but such were the charms of pleasure, that I could not persuade myself to give them up. Yet while in this vain pursuit after the pleasures of the world, I was often forced to serious reflection. At times, I appeared to my-der the appearance of mourning for self to be awfully hardened, and my child, I may become religious, have thought, when walking or and no one will know it.' Accordriding alone on a dark evening, ingly I set myself about it, and for that I really wished a light from the first time, attempted to pray in heaven to shine around me as it did my family. I felt very solemn, and around Saul, when on his way to thought I was very sincere. I conDamascus. At other times, I have cluded I should never more yield had such a sense of my miserable my heart to vanity as I had done condition, that I thought I should before. My devotion was conbe willing to suffer a severe fit of tinued morning and evening; and I sickness, if it might be the means of believe for the space of two or three bringing me to God. These feel-weeks, I was never seen to smile. ings were, however, only transient, I remember that once I felt much and the moment they subsided, the remorse, after having, in an unsame rage for vanity would return. guarded moment, been surprised "One reason which induced me into laughter. At the same time to be willing to suffer sickness or indulging serious reflections, I was some other calamity from the hand not unfrequently much affected. of God, was, a foolish dread of But, alas! it was only the sorrow what the world would say of me. of the world. The impression made 'How,' said I to myself, " should upon my mind by the death of a I become religious, could I hold up darling babe, began gradually to my head before any of my young wear away. In a little time my companions, who might inquire seriousness was gone, and I rewhat was the occasion of my being turned to my wonted cheerfulness so dull.' I thought I could never and gaiety. have fortitude enough to tell them I was concerned about my precious soul. What a pitiful excuse for living in sin! "All that now remained of my seriousness that had the appearance of religion was, a mere lifeless formality in prayer. I look back "In the month of November, with shame and remorse to this pe1777, God in his holy providence riod of my life, when, notwithstandwas pleased to take from me my ing my constant but unmeaning first-born by death; a dear little prayers, I lived in the eager purson, between six and seven months suit of the vanities of the world, old. This painful event was ren-only with perhaps a little more condered more distressing, both to me cealment than I had formerly done. and my dear companion, by the I had early imbibed a thirst for circumstance of my being absent honour. I knew this could not be at the time. I had left my family gratified without preserving a fair "In the summer of 1780, my mind became at times very uneasy. I had serious thoughts about religion, yet did not feel determined to set about it in earnest. I had a decided conviction that there must be a change of heart, or all the outward forms of religion would be unavailing. I would often ask myself, what is meant by being born again? I remember once having attempted to take refuge in this. It is said, Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God. I believe that Jesus is the Christ; am I not therefore born of God? But I perceived that my belief had no effect either upon my heart or life. I was also fully aware that Christians possessed something of which I was destitute. They told of joys and sorrows which I had never felt. ་ reputation. But such was my love were held about this time in the of gay company, mirth and danc-neighbourhood. The narrative then ing, that I went as far as my respect continues: "In the evening there for character would at all permit. was to be a conference at a private I tremble to think of the tempta- house. I attended. The meeting tions and snares which then beset was opened by prayer; after which my path. But for the restraining two persons came forward and told power of a merciful God, I had what God had done for their souls. certainly been ruined. One of them, a sensible and well informed man, gave a very striking account of his conversion to God. Almost the whole assembly was in tears. I felt very tenderly, but in a great measure refrained from weeping. Soon, however, after this a moving scene commenced. A very pious man came, and falling down on his knees before me, addressed me as follows-Neighbour Baldwin, can you forgive me, can you forgive me, that I have lived so little like a Christian, and that I have set no better an example before you!' I trembled like Felix, and replied, I have nothing against you more than I have against my own soul.' He followed these remarks with the most solemn entreaties and feeling exhortations to turn unto God and live. Although in my proud heart I had resolved never to shed a tear in public, all my resolutions were utterly unavailing. In spite of every effort, I trembled and wept, and changed my seat to avoid observation. My extreme agitation, however, soon discovered itself. Several persons spoke to me; many rejoiced and many were affected at seeing that my mind was impressed. When asked to state my feelings, I could only say with Agur, I am more brutish than any man, and have not the understanding of a man.' I thought I earnestly desired conversion; but how to attain it, how to obtain an interest in Christ, I did Dr. Baldwin proceeds to mention not know. I at first apprehended the increased solemnity which rest-I should in some way have a dised upon his mind whilst attending covery of Christ on the cross, and several religious meetings, which that this would give me comfort. "In the month of September God in his holy provideuce sent two Baptist preachers into the town. They preached several lectures, and spent one Lord's-day in the neighbourhood. Several persons appeared greatly alarmed by their preaching. I thought they were good men, but too illiterate to edify me. I however felt very solemnly under their preaching, and perceived that others felt yet more than myself. Some professors of religion were very much aroused, and several young persons were very deeply impressed." Again I thought I was now so dis- | one of these seasons of prayer, it tressed, that God would soon give seemed to me that my case was me relief. I cried; but, alas! all wholly neglected. I was ready to seemed in vain. say with David, Refuge faileth me, and no man careth for my soul.' I concluded that if the saints were not permitted to pray for me, my case was desperate. Despondency seized me, and I began to fear that all was over with my soul. Yet at times I could not but hope, that God would at some time or other bring me out of this distress, and that I should yet praise him. My distress did not arise so "Although I had continued my cold, pharisaical prayers from the time before mentioned, yet till this night I. had never conversed with my family on the subject of personal religion. But now I entered with seriousness into the subject; and after disclosing my feelings, expressed my resolution, that let others do what they would, I was determined to seek the Lord. I found much tenderness in attempt-much from the fear of punishment, ing to pray before retiring to rest. as from a sense of having abused I had some concern lest these im- divine goodness and mercy. All pressions should leave me, and my my hopes from any thing in myself mind become yet more hardened seemed to vanish. I had been acthan before. I awoke before the customed to think that I was not day dawned, and found my mind so great a sinner as some others, still deeply impressed. I cannot because I had been addicted to no say as many have, that I strove to degrading vice. But I now saw shake off my convictions; on the that my morality, fair as it had apcontrary, my great anxiety was to peared, was most wretchedly deincrease them; for this was the fective; and that my prayers had way in which I was looking for de- been no better then solemn mockliverance. My distress continuing ery. I greatly feared that my reday and night, I began to hope that pentance was not genuine; that it God had begun the work, and that would ultimately prove no more he would carry it on. At times I than the workings of a natural experienced great tenderness, and heart writhing under the lashings often both in public and private of conscience. Often would I say, wept bitterly. What shall I do to be saved? How "I was satisfied that my prayers can I come to Christ? O that some were exceedingly defective. They man would guide me! Thus I appeared so sinful, that I thought went mourning from day to day as God would not regard them. But without the light of the sun. The as Christians appeared to be in world had lost its charms. The earnest for me, at times I was en- pleasures that had heretofore apcouraged to believe that God would peared so fascinating, now seemed hear them in my behalf. Although so extremely insipid, that I wonI was not called by name, yet I dered I could ever have thought so thought I knew when they present-highly of them. They not only aped my case before the Lord. * At peared empty and trifling, but to a In this supposition it is probable that great degree disgusting. the author was not mistaken. An aged minister by whom Dr. Baldwin was baptized, once mentioned that several Christians in the neighbourhood, observing his promising talents and amiable disposition, had agreed together to make bis conversion a special subject of prayer. This agreement was formed while he was yet thoughtless, and and we may well suppose that their desires were strengthened when they saw so pleasing a hope of their fulfilment. from these words. But I thought they were only words which I had read, and were now suggested by my imagination. They seemed to "After spending an anxious and almost sleepless night, I arose just after the dawning of the day, and resolved once more to pray. I said with Jonah, I will look again to-be repeated the second time.wards his holy temple.' I knelt Behold the Lamb of God, which down, and in a few broken sen- taketh away the sin of the world.' tences, tried to send my cries to the The effect was overwhelming. In mercy seat. I felt convinced that an instant, the great plan of mercy I had done nothing to merit the di- through the atonement of Christ vine favour, nor could I do any was astonishingly opened to my thing though I were eternally to view. He appeared to be just such perish. This I thought I confessed a Saviour as I needed. I saw that to the Lord; and as my last refuge, by his atonement he had (so far as endeavoured to cast myself upon an atonement could do it) taken the mercy of God. During this away the sin of the world.' What, day I felt less anxiety than I had said I to myself, is it only to bedone for many days before. Some-lieve in Jesus Christ in order to be times I hoped I had given myself saved? It appeared almost too to God, and sometimes I feared that my convictions were wearing off, and that I should return again unto folly. free and too glorious. It seemed impossible that it should be true. But the more I reflected, the more clear it appeared that this was the Gospel method of salvation. I could not help taking hold of it, and thought I saw in it a glorious consistency with the attributes of God. "Just in the twilight of the same day, I had occasion to walk to a neighbour's house about a quarter of a mile distant. As I walked, a new train of thought occupied my mind. How happy, thought I, are My mind now became calm, the angels! They are happy be- but not transported. It occurred cause they are holy, and have to me that this was not such a connever sinned. How unhappy I am version as I had been looking for. on account of sin! My thoughts I had expected my distress to be now ran back to Adam in the increased until I should see myself garden. I thought I would have hanging, as it were, over everlastgiven the world had it been at my ing burnings, and that then I should command, if he had never sinned; have some discovery of the Savithen I should not have been a sin- our; but in what way I knew not. ner. But now I felt myself a dread-Those sweet words would still recur ful sinner, and could see no way to my mind,- Behold the Lamb by which I could be made holy. of God, which taketh away the sin At the same time I was convinced, of the world.' The gracious invitathat unless I were made holy Itions of the Gospel, such as Isaiah could never be made happy. It lv. 1. Ho, every one that thirstappeared that I had a great some-eth, come ye to the waters; and he thing to do; what it was or how to that hath no money, come; yea, do it I knew not. Immediately as come, buy wine and milk, without I walked, this passage of scripture money and without price,' appearcame powerfully into my mind,-ed exceedingly precious. The more 'Behold the Lamb of God, which I reflected, the more was I lost in taketh away the sin of the world.' wonder and astonishment in conA gleam of hope seemed to come templating the riches of grace. The Saviour now began to appear precious to me. Yet I was exceedingly afraid that I should be deceived. sions had subsided. I made several attempts to resume them, but now found it utterly in vain. My attention was wholly engrossed with another subject, although I do not recollect that I thought of preaching. I have since, however, had reason to believe that the impression was very general upon the minds of the people, that I should at some time or other become a minister of the Gospel. As there was no settled minister in the town at this time, I was constantly called upon to take some part in all the religious meetings. I however felt a great diffidence in speaking, unless when requested by some of the elder brethren. "A short time afterwards, being asked at a conference meeting to relate my religious feelings, I complied; and though honestly, yet with much fear and trembling, I proceeded to state what I had experienced. Christians rejoiced, and anxious sinners wept. I was called upon in the course of the evening to pray. I attempted, and was blessed with some degree of freedom. Seeing some persons who had been for some time anxious, I could not refrain from addressing them. They were asking, 'What shall we do to be saved?" I replied, 'Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.' I then thought I could tell them so that they would believe. But after stating to them my views of that wonderful declaration. 'Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world,' I could not perceive that they were affected by it. It seemed to me that every one now could believe, and I wondered that I had never believed before. I seldom afterwards attended meet-never a question with me. ing without taking some part in the public exercises, until I was solemnly set apart to the work of the ministry. "It may be proper here to observe, that previous to my religious concern, I had, with the advice of several friends, determined to enter upon the study of the law. Two gentlemen, one of whom had been States' Attorney in Connecticut, the other a practitioner in law, kindly engaged me their assistance, and furnished me with books. I had already read a number, and was reading Blackstone's Commentaries when my attention was arrested. I was obliged to lay them aside, but with the expectation of resuming them after my impres (To be continued.) SIX LETTERS TO DR. RYLAND, WRITTEN LETTER III. On Substitution. MY DEAR BROTHER, hope rests upon it; and the sum of my delight in preaching the Gospel consists in it. If I know any thing of myself, I can say of Christ crucified for us, as was said of Jerusalem: "If I forget thee, let my right hand forget; if I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth!" I have always considered the denial of this truth as being of the essence of Socinianism. Mr. B. professes," in his juvenile years, never to have hoped for salvation but through a vicarious sacrifice." But if he allow himself to have believed this doctrine when he was an Arminian, it is rather singular that I, who am not an Arminian, as he himself acknowledges, should |