ing a question of five words, I mean if the unknown terms were all on one side of the equation. Can I see him?

Drone. There is nobody in this house by the name of Quation.

Digit (aside). Now, here's a fellow that cannot distinguish between an algebraic term and the denomination of his master!-I wish to see Mr. Morrell upon an affair of infinite importance.

Drone. Oh, very likely, sir. I will inform him that Mr. Quation wishes to see him (mimicking) upon an affair of infinite importance.

Digit. No, no. Digit-Digit. My name is Digit.

Drone. Oh, Mr. Digy-Digy! Very likely. (Exit Drone.) Digit (alone.) That fellow is certainly a negative quantity. He is minus common sense. If this Mr. Morrell is the man I take him to be, he cannot but patronize my talents. Should he not, I don't know how I shall obtain a new coat. I have worn this ever since I began to write my theory of sines and cotangents; and my elbows have so often formed right angles with the plane surface of my table, that a new coat or a parallel patch is very necessary. But here comes Mr. Morrell.

(Enter Sesquipedalia.)

I

Sir (bowing low), I am your most Mathematical servant. am sorry, sir, to give you this trouble; but an affair of consequence-(pulling the rags over his elbows)—an affair of consequence, as your servant informed you

Sesquipedalia. Servus non est mihi, Domine; that is, I have no servant, sir. I presume you have erred in your calculation; and

Digit. No, sir. The calculations I am about to present you are founded on the most correct theorems of Euclid. You may examine them, if you please. They are contained in this small manuscript. (Producing a folio.)

Sesq. Sir, you have bestowed a degree of interruption upon my observations. I was about, or, according to the Latins, futurus sum, to give you a little information concerning the luminary who appears to have deceived your vision. My name, sir, is Tullius Maro Titus Crispus Sesquipedalia; by profession a linguist and philosopher. The most abstruse points in physics or metaphysics are to me transparent as ether. I have come to this house for the purpose of obtaining the patronage of a gentleman who befriends all the literati. Now, sir, perhaps I

have induced conviction, in mente tua, that is, in your mind, that your calculation was erroneous.

Digit. Yes, sir, as to your person, I was mistaken; but my calculations, I maintain, are correct, to the tenth part of a circulating decimal.

Sesq. But what is the subject of your manuscript? Have you discussed the infinite divisibility of matter?

Digit. No, sir; I cannot reckon infinity; and I have nothing to do with subjects that cannot be reckoned.

Sisq. Why, I cannot reckon about it. I reckon it is divisible ad infinitum. But perhaps your work is upon the materiality of light; and if so, which side of the question do you espouse?

Digit. Oh, sir, I think it quite immaterial.

Sesq. What! light immaterial! Do you say light is immaterial?

Digit. No; I say it is quite immaterial which side of the question I espouse. I have nothing to do with it. And besides, I am a bachelor, and do not mean to espouse any thing at present. Sesq. Do you write upon the attraction of cohesion ? know matter has the properties of attraction and repulsion. Digit. I care nothing about matter, so I can find enough for mathematical demonstration.

You

Sesq. I cannot conceive what you have written upon, then. Oh, it must be the centripetal and centrifugal motions.

Digit (peevishly). No, no! I wish Mr. Morrell would come! Sir, I have no motions but such as I can make with my pencil upon my slate, thus. (Figuring upon his hand.) Six, minus four, plus two, equal eight, minus six, plus two. There, those are my motions.

Sesq. Oh, I perceive you grovel in the depths of Arithmetic. I suppose you never soared into the regions of Philosophy. You never thought of the vacuum which has so long filled the heads of philosophers.

Digit. Vacuum! (Putting his hand to his forehead.) Let me think.

Sesq. Ha! what! have you got it sub manu, that is, under your hand? Ha ha ha!

Digit. Eh! under my hand? What do you mean, sir ?— that my head is a vacuum? Would you insult me, sir? insult Archimedes Digit? Why, sir, I'll cipher you into infinite divisibility. I'll set you on an inverted cone, and give you a centripetal and centrifugal motion out of the window, sir! I'll scatter your solid contents!

Sesq. Da veniam, that is, pardon me, it was merely a lapsus linguæ, that is

Digit. Well, sir, I am not fond of lapsus linguas, at all, sir. However, if you did not mean to offend, I accept your apology. I wish Mr. Morrell would come.

Sesq. But, sir, is your work upon mathematics?

Digit. Yes, sir. In this manuscript I have endeavored to elucidate the squaring of the circle.

Sesq. But, sir, a square circle is a contradiction in terms. You cannot make one.

Digit. I perceive you are a novice in this sublime science. The object is to find a square which shall be equal to a given circle; which I have done by a rule drawn from the radii of the circle and the diagonal of the square. And by my rule the area of the square will equal the area of the circle.

Sesq. Your terms are to me incomprehensible. Diagonal is derived from the Greek. Dia and goneo, that is, "through the corner." But I don't see what it has to do with a circle; for if I understand aright, a circle, like a sphere, has no corners.

Digit. You appear to be very ignorant of the science of numbers. Your life must be very insipidly spent in poring over philosophy and the dead languages. You never tasted, as I have, the pleasure arising from the investigation of a difficult problem, or the discovery of a new rule in quadratic equations. Sesq. Poh! poh! (Turns round in disgust, and hits Digit with his cane.)

Digit. Oh, you villain!

Sesq. I wish, sir—

Digit. And so do I wish, sir, that that cane was raised to the fourth power, and laid over your head as many times as there are units in a thousand. Oh! oh!

Sesq. Did my cane come in contact with the sphere of attraction around your shin? I must confess, sir—

(Enter Trill.)

But here is Mr. Morrell, Salve Domine! Sir, your servant. Trill. Which of you, gentlemen, is Mr. Morrell?

Sesq. Oh! neither, sir. I took you for that gentleman. Trill. No, sir; I am a teacher of music. Flute, harp, viol, violin, violoncello, organ, or any thing of the kind; any instru ment you can mention. I have just been displaying my powers at a concert, and come recommended to the patronage of Mr. Morre.

Sesq. For the same purpose are that gentleman and myself here.

Digit (still rubbing his shin). Oh! oh!

Trill. Has the gentleman the gout? I have heard of its being cured by music. Shall I sing you a tune?

Faw

Hem! hem!

Digit. No, no; I want none of your tunes. I'd make that philosopher sing, though, and dance, too, if he hadn't made a vulgar fraction of my leg.

Sesq. In veritate, that is, in truth, it happened forte, that is, by chance.

Trill (talking to himself). If B be flat, me is in E.

Digit. Ay, sir; this is only an integral part of your conduct ever since you came into this house. You have continued to multiply your insults in the abstract ratio of a geometrical progression, and at last have proceeded to violence. The dignity of Archimedes Digit never experienced such a reduction descending before.

Trill (to himself). Twice fa sol la, and then comes me again.

Digit. If Mr. Morrell does not admit me soon, I'll leave the house, while my head is on my shoulders.

Trill. Gentlemen, you neither keep time nor chord. But if you can sing, we will carry a trio before we go.

Sesq. Can you sing an ode of Horace or Anacreon? I should like to hear one of them.

Digit. I had rather hear you sing a demonstration of the forty-seventh proposition, first book.

Trill. I never heard of those performers, sir; where did they belong?

Sesq. They did belong to Italy and Greece.

Trill. Ah! Italy! There are our best masters, such as Morelli and Fuselli. Can favor me with some of their compo

sitions?

you

Sesq. Oh yes; if you have a taste that way, I can furnish you with them, and with Virgil, Sallust, Cicero, Cæsar, and Quintilian; and I have an old Greek Lexicon which I can

spare.

Trill. Ad libitum, my dear sir, they will make a handsome addition to my musical library.

Digit. But, sir, what pretensions have you to the patronage of Mr. Morrell? I don't believe you can square the circle.

Trill. Pretensions, sir! I have gained a victory over the great Tantamarrarra, the new opera singer, who pretended to vie with

me.

'Twas in the symphony of Handel's Oratorio of Saul, where you know every thing depends upon the tempo giusto, and where the primo should proceed in smorgando, and the secondo, agitati. But he was on the third ledger line, I was an octave below, when, with a sudden appoggiatura, I rose to D in alt, and conquered him.

(Enter Drone.)

Drone. My master says how he will wait on you, gentlemen. Digit. What is your name, sir?

Drone. Drone, at your service.

Digit. No, no; you need not drone at my service. applicable name, however.

A very

Sesq. Drone? That is derived from the Greek Draon, that is, flying or moving swiftly.

Trill. He seems to move in andante measure, that is, to the tune of Old Hundred.

Drone. Very likely, gentlemen.

Digit. Well, as I came first, I will enter first.

Sesq. Right. You shall be the antecedent, I the subsequent, and Mr. Trill the consequent.

Trill. Right. I was always a man of consequence, Fa, sol, la, Fa, sol, &c. (Exeunt.)

ANONYMOUS.

12. IRISH COURTESY.

Stranger.— O'Callaghan.

Stranger. I have lost my way, good friend; can you assist me in finding it?

O'Callaghan. Assist you in finding it, sir? ay, by my faith and troth, and that I will, if it was to the world's end, and further too.

Str. I wish to return by the shortest route to the Black Rock.

O'Cal. Indade, and you will, so plase your honor's honorand O'Callaghan's own self shall show you the way, and then you can't miss it, you know.

Str. I would not give you so much trouble, Mr. O'Callaghan.

'Cal. It is never a trouble, so plase your honor, for an Irishman to do his duty. (Bowing.)