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But, when let out, they run and muddle,
The Dean, with all his best endeavour,
The widow goes through all her forms:
AN EXCELLENT NEW BALLAD; ÓR, THE TRUE ENGLISH DEAN * TO BE HANGED FOR A RAPE.
And in all they do for us so kindly do mean, (A blessing upon them!) have sent us this year
For the good of our church, a true English dean. A holier priest ne'er was wrapt up in crape, The worst you can say, he committed a rape.
# Dr. Thomas Sawbridge, dean of Fernes. F.
And there he grew fond of another nian's wife; Burst into her chamber, and would have caress'd her;
But she valued her honour much more than her life,
And now to attack her again he prepares :
And orders the landlord to bring him a whore; No scruple came on him his gown to expose,
'Twas what all his life he had practis'd before. He had made himself drunk with the juice of the grape, And got a good clap, but committed no rape.
Resolv'd for a fortnight to swim in delight;
Of drinking all day, and of whoring all night,
In church and in state was of principles sound; \Vas truer than Steele to the Hanover line,
And griev'd that a tory should live above ground
Shall a subject so loyal be hang’d by the nape,
VII. By old popish canons, as wise men have penn'd 'em,
Each priest had a concubine, jure ecclesiæ; Who'd be dean of Fernes without a commendam?
And precedents we can produce, if it please ye: Then why should the Dean, when whores are so cheap, Be put to the peril and toil of a rape?
VIII. If fortune should please but to take such a crotchet
(To thee I apply, great Smedley's successor) To give thee lawn steeves, a mitre, and rochet,
Whom wouldst thouresenible? I leave thee a guesser. But I only behold thee in Atherton's * shape, For sodomy hang'd: as thou for a rape.
IX. Ah! dost thou not envy the brave.colonel Chartres,
Condemnd for thy crime at threescore and ten? To hang him, all England would lend him their garters,
Yet he lives, and is ready to ravish again. Then throttle thyself with an ell of strong tape, For thou hast not a groat to atone for a rape.
X. The Dean he was vex'd that his whores were so willing:
He long'd for a girl that would struggle and squall; He ravish'd her fairly, and sav'd a good shilling;
But here was to pay the devil and all.
* A bishop of Waterford, of infamous character. H.
Why are they so wilful to struggle with mea?
No devil nor Dean could rayish them then. Nor would there be need of a strong hempen cape Tied round the Dean's neck for comunitting a rape.
XII. Our church and our state dear England maintains,
For which all true Protestant hearts should be glad: She sends us our bishops, our judges, and deans,
And better would give us, if better she had. But, lord! how the rabble will stare and will gape, When the good English dean is hang'd up for a rape
ON STEPHEN DUCK,
THE THRESHER, AND FAVOURITE POET,
A QUIBBLING EPIGRAM.
The thresher Duck could o'er the queen prevail, The proverb says,
no fence against a fail." From threshing corn he turns to thresh his brains ; For which her majesty allows him grains: Though 'tis confest, that those, who ever saw His poems, think them not all worth a straw!
Thrice happy Duck, employ'd in threshing stubble! Thy toil is lessen'd, and thy profits double.
THE LADY'S DRESSING ROOM *. 1730.
Five hours (and who can do it less in ?)
Strephon, who found the room was void,
And, first, a dirty smock appear'd,
Now listen, wbile he next produces
with dirt so closely fixt,
* A defence of « The Lady's Dressing Room," by some facetious friend of our author, is printed in Faulkner's edition; which, after a humorous travestie of ten lines only of.“ Hórace's “ Art of Poetry," decides clearly that there are ten times more slovenly expressions in those ten lines of Horace, than in the whole poem of Dr. Swift. N.