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AN EPISTLE TO TWO FRIENDS
TO DR. HELSHAM .
Nov. at night, 1731. When I left you, I found myself of the grape's
juice sick; I'm so full of pity, I never abușe sick; And the patientest patient ever you knew sick: Both when I am purge-sick, and when I am spew
sick. I pitied my cat, whom I knew by her mew sick: She mended at first, but now she's anew sick. Captain Butler nade some in the church black and
blue sick. Dean Cross, had he preach'd, would have made us all
Are not you, in a crowd when you sweat and you
stew, sick? Lady Santry got out of the church when she grew
sick, And, as fast as she could, to the deanery flew sick. Miss Morice was (I can you assure 'ris true) sick : For, who would not be in that numerous crew sick? Such musick would make a fanatick or Jew sic Yet, ladies are seldom at ombre or loo sick. Nor is old Nanny Shales, whene'er she does brew,
* This medley (for it cannot be called a poem) is given as a specimen of those bagatelles for which the Dean hath perhaps been too severely censured. H.
+ Richard Helsham, M.D. professor of physick and natural philosophy in the university of Dublin. See the Preface to Delany on Polygamy. N.
My footman came home from the church of a bruise
sick, And look'd like a rake, who was made in the stews
sick; But you
learned doctors can make whom you choose
sick: And poor I myself was, when I withdrew, sick; For the smell of them made me like garlick and rue
sick, And I got through the crowd, though not led by a
clew, sick. Yet hop'd to find many (for that was your cue) sick; But there was not a dozen (to give them their due)
sick, And those to be sure, stuck together like glew, sick. So are ladies in crowds, when they squeeze and they
screw, sick; You may find they are all, by their yellow pale hue,
sick; So am I, when tobacco, like Robin, I chew, sick.
TO DR. SHERIDAN.
IF I write any more, it will make my poor Muse
sick. This night I came home with a very cold dew sick, And I wish I may soon be not of an ague sick; But I hope I shall ne'er be like you, of a shrew sick, Who often has made me, by looking askew, sick.
DR. HELSHAM'S ANSWER.
The doctor's first rhyme would make any Jew
sick : I know it has made a fine lady in blue sick, For which she is gone in a coach to Killbrew sick, Like a hen I once had, from a fox when she flew
sick: Last Monday a lady at St. Patrick's did spew
sick: And made all the rest of the folks in the pew sick, The surgeon who bled her his lancet out drew sick, And stopt the distemper, as being but new sick. The yacht, the last storm, had ail her whole crew
sick; Had we two been there, it would have made me and
A lady that long’d, is by eating of glew sick;
sick. There's a gamester in town, for a throw that he
threw sick, And yet the old trade of his dice he'll pursue sick ; I've known an old miser for paying his due sick ; At present I'm grown by a pinch of my shoe sick, And what would you have me with verses to do sick? Send rhymes, and I'll send you some others in lieu
Of rhymes I have plenty,
And therefore send twenty. Answer'd the same day when sent, Nov. 23. I desire
both these to the Doctor, together with his own; and let him know we are not persons to be insulted.
"Can you match with me,
“ I'll own you a strong cur *. This morning I'm growing, by smelling of yew,
sick; My brother's come over with gold from Peru sick; Last night I came honie in storm that then blew
sick; This moment my dog at a cat I halloo sick; I hear, from good hands, that my poor cousin Iugh's
sick; By quaffing a bottle, and polling a screw sick: And now there's no more I can write (you'll excuse)
I'll do my best,
I'll stand the test.
sick; l'll make you with writing a little more news sick; Last night I came home with drinking of booze sick; My carpenter swears that he'll hack and he'll hew
sick; An officer's lady, I'm told, is tattoo sick; I'm afraid that the line thirty-four you will view sick.
Lord; I could write a dozen more;
* The lines “ thus marked" were written by Dr. Swift, at the bottom of Dr. Helsham's twenty lines; and the following fourteen were afterward added on the same paper. N
A LETTER TO DR. HELSHAM.
Pray discruciate what follows.
is often due to the vicar.