have been, when I had been swelled! I should] have been a mountain of mummy.

Re-enter Bardolph, with the wine.

Ford. What, while you were there?
Fal. While I was there.

Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you?

Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have Bard. Here's mistress Quickly, sir, to speak it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence with you. of Ford's approach; and, by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket.

Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the reins. Call her in.

Bard. Come in, woman.

Enter, Mrs. Quickly.

Quick. By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship good-morrow.

Fal. Take away these chalices: go brew me pottle of sack finely.

Bard. With eggs, sir?

a

Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.Exit Bardolph.]—How now?

Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from mistress Ford.

Ford. A buck- basket!

Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rarmed me in with foui shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villanous smell, that ever Joffended nostril.

Ford. And how long lay you there?

Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave, their master, in the door; who asked them once or twice what they Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I had in their basket. I quaked for fear, lest the was thrown into the ford: I have my belly full of lunatic knave would have searched it; but Fate ford. ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not Well: on went he for a search, and away went I her fault; she does so take on with her men; they for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, master Brook: Inistook their erection. I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: first, Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous woman's promise. rotten-bell-wether: next, to be compassed like a Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it good bilbo,2 in the circumference of a peck, hilt to would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband point, heel to head: and then, to be stopped in, like goes this morning a birding; she desires you once a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretmore to come to her between eight and nine: I must ted in their own grease: think of that,--a man of carry her word quickly: she'll make you amends, my kidney,--think of that; that am as subject to I warrant you. heat as butter; a man of continua! dissolution and Fal. Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And her think, what a man is: let her consider his in the height of this bath, when I was more than frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quick. I will tell her.

Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st thou
Quick. Eight and nine, sir.

Fal. Well, be gone: I will not miss her.
Quick. Peace be with you, sir!

half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, ?in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that;hissing hot,-think of that, master Brook.

Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for [Exit. my sake you have suffered all this. My suit then Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he is desperate; you'll undertake her no more. sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. O, here he comes.

Enter Ford.

Ford. Bless you, sir! Fal. Now, master Brook; you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford's wife? Ford. That, indeed, sir John, is my business. Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour she appointed me. Ford. And how speed you, sir?

Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into the Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding: I have received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook.

Ford. 'Tis past eight already, sir.

Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enjoying her: adieu, You shall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.

[Exit.

Fal. Very ill-favouredly, master Brook. Ford. How so, sir? Did she change her deter- Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? Daination? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, master Fal. No, master Brook; but the peaking cornu- Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master to, her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a con- Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, tinual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant and buck-baskets!-Well, I will proclaim myself of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of house: he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his com- should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, panions, thither provoked and instigated by his dis- nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that temper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his guides him should aid him, I will search impossible wife's love. places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, vet to

(1) Cups.

(2) Bilboa, where the best blades are made.

(3) Seriousness.

14) Make myself ready,

Eva. 'Oman, forbear.

Mrs. Page. Peace.

9

Era. What is your genitive case, plural, Wil liam?

Will. Genitive case?

Eva. Ay.

Will. Genitive,-horum, harum, horum.
Quick. Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on
her!-never name her, child, if she be a whore.
Eva. For shame, 'oman.

Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves; and to call horum:fie upon you!

Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires.

Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace.

Eva. Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns.

Will. Forsooth, I have forgot.

Eva. It is ki, ka, cod; if you forget your kies, your kæs, and your cods, you must be preeches. Go your ways, and play, go.

Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was.

Eva. He is a good sprag' memory.

Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my mistress Page. son profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray

Farewell,

[Exit Sir

Mrs. Page. Adieu, good sir Hugh. you, ask him some questions in his accidence. Hugh.] Get you home, boy.-Come, we stay Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your too long. head; come.

[Exeunt.

Mrs. Page. Come on, sirrah; hold up your SCENE II-A room in Ford's house. Enter head; answer your master, be not afraid.

Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns?
Will. Two.

Falstaff and Mrs. Ford.

Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up

Quick. Truly, I thought there had been one my sufferance: I see, you are obsequious in your number more; because they say, od's nouns. love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not

Eva. Peace your tattlings. What is fair, Wil-only, mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but

liam ?

Eva. That is good William. What is he, William, that does lend articles?

Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun; and be thus declined, Singulariter, nominalivo, hic, hæc, hoc.

Eva. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus: Well, what is your accu

salive case?

Will. Accusativo, hinc.

Era. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; Accusativo, hing, hang, hog.

Quick. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.

Era. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative case, William?

Will. O-Vocativo, O.

Era. Remember, William; focative is, caret.
Quick. And that's a good root.

(1) Outrageous. (2) Breeched, i. e. flogged.

in all the accoutrement, complement, and ceremo-
ny of it. But are you sure of your husband now?
Mrs. Ford. He's a birding, sweet sir John.
Mrs. Page. [Within.] What hoa, gossip Ford!
what hoa!

Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, sir John.
[Exit Falstaff.

Enter Mrs. Page.

Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart? who's at home beside yourself?

Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own people.
Mrs. Page. Indeed?

Mrs. Ford. No, certamly;-speak louder. [Aside.
body here.
Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have no

Mrs. Ford. Why?

Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old luness again: he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of wnat complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, Jcrying, peer out, peer out! that any madness I ever yet beheld, seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now: am glad the fat knight is not here.

Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him?

Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket: protests to my husband, he is now

(6) As children call on a snail to push forth his

(3) Apt to learn. (4) Sorrowful. (5) Mad fits. horns.

64

MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.

here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their
company from their sport, to make another experi-
ment of his suspicion: but I am glad the knight
is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.
Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page?
he will
Mrs. Page. Hard by; at street end;
be here anon.

Mrs. Ford. I am undone !-the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why, then you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you!-Away with him, away with him; better shame than murder.

Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? how should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again?

Re-enter Falstaff.

Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: may I not go out, ere he come?

Mrs. Page. Alas, three of master Ford's brothers watch the door with pistols, that none should issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?

Fal. What shall I do?-I'll creep up into the chimney.

Mrs. Ford. There they always use to discharge their birding-pieces: creep into the kiln-hole. Fal. Where is it?

word.

Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men, what they [Exit. shall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring liner. for him straight.

Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.

We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,
Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:
We do not act, that often jest and laugh;
'Tis old but true, Still swine eat all the draff.

[Exit

Re-enter Mrs. Ford, with two servants.

Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders; your master is hard at door: if he bid you set it down, obey him: quickly, despatch. [Exit.

1 Serv. Come, come, take it up.

2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again.

1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.

Enter Ford, Page, Shallow, Caius, and Sir Hugh
Evans.

3

Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?-Set down the basket, villain :-Somebody call my wife: :- -You, youth in a basket, come out here! Mrs. Ford. He will seek there on my now shall the Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but, you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, devil be shamed. What! wife, 1 say! come, he hath an abstract' for the remembrance of such pack, a conspiracy against me: places, and goes to them by his note: there is no come forth; behold what honest clothes you send hiding you in the house. forth to bleaching.

Fal. I'll go out then.

Page. Why, this passes; Master Ford, you

Mrs. Page. If you go out m your own semblance, you die, sir John. Unless you go out dis-are not to go loose any longer; you must be guised,

pinioned.

Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad

dog!

Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well;

Mrs. Ford. How might we disguise him? Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for him; other-indeed. wise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape.

Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extremity, rather than a mischief.

Enter Mrs. Ford.

Ford. So say I too, Sir.-Come hither, mistress Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Ford; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the Brentford, has a gown above.

modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him; jealous fool to her husband!-I suspect without she's as big as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her muffler too: run up, sir John.

Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet sir John; mistress Page and I will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight: put on the gown the while.

[Exit Fal.

Mrs. Ford. I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears, she's a witch; forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her.

Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!

Mrs. Ford. But my husband coming? Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had in

telligence.

cause, mistress, do I?

Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if
you suspect me in any dishonesty.
Ford. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out.
Come forth, sirrah.

[Pulls the clothes out of the basket. Page. This passes!

Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.

Ford. I shall find you anon.

Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's clothes? Come away.

Ford. Empty the basket, I say.
Mrs. Ford. Why, man, why,-

Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket: Why may not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is my intelligence is true;

Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at they jealousy is reasonable: Pluck me out all the door with it, as they did last time.

Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master licly shamed: and, methinks, there would be no Ford; this wrongs you. period to the jest, should he not be publicly

Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not shamed. follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.

Ford. Well, he's not here I seek for.

Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it then, shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt.

SCENE III.-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter
Host and Bardolph.

Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow as court, and they are going to meet him.

Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity, let me for ever be your table-sport: let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that search'd a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me once more; once more search with me. Host. What duke should that be, comes so se. Mrs. Ford. What hoa, mistress Page! come cretly? I hear not of him in the court: Let me you, and the old woman down; my husband will speak with the gentlemen; they speak English ? come into the chamber. Bard. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you. Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make

ford.

[Exeunt.

Ford Old woman! What old woman's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it's my maid's aunt of Brent-them pay, I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at command; I have turned away my other Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them: Come. Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is; beyond our element: we know nothing.- -Come down, you witch, you hag you; come down, I say.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, good sweet husband;-good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman.

Enter Falstaff in women's clothes, led by Mrs. Page.

Mrs. Page. Come, mother Pratt, come, give me your hand.

SCENE IV.—A room in Ford's House. Enter
Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Sır
Hugh Evans.

Eva. 'Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman as ever I did look upon.

Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant ?

I

Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour.
Ford. Pardon me, wife: Henceforth do what
thou wilt;

rather will suspect the sun with cold, Ford. I'll prat her:-Out of my door, you Than thee with wantonness: now doth thy honour witch! [beats him.] you rag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyons out! out! I'll conjure you, In him that was of late a heretic, [Exit Falstaff. As firm as faith.

I'll fortune-tell you.

Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you have kill'd the poor woman.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it:-'Tis a goodly credit for you.

Ford. Hang her, witch!

Eva. By yea and no, I think, the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under her muiller.

Page.

stand,

'Tis well, 'tis well; no more.
Be not as éxtreme in submission,
As in offence;

But let our plot go forward: let our wives
Yet once again, to make us public sport,
Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,
Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it.
Ford. There is no better way than that they
spoke of.

Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I Page. How! to send him word they'll meet him cry out thus upon no trail,' never trust me when I in the park at midnight! fie, fie; he'll never come. open again.

Page. Let's obey his humour a little further; Come, gentlemen. [Ex. Page, Ford, Shal, and Eva. Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought.

Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service.

Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any further revenge?

Eva. You say he has been thrown in the rivers; and has been grievously peaten, as an old 'oman; methinks, there should be terrors in him, that he should not come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires.

Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, scared out of him; if the devil have him not in fee-Doth all the winter time, at still midnight, simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horne; think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle, Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a have served him? chain

Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to In a most hideous and dreadful manner. scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If You have heard of such a spirit; and well you they can find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous know,

fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we twe will The superstitious idle-headed eld Receiv'd, and did deliver to our age,

still be the ministers.

Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him pub- This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.

(1) Lover.

(2) Scab.
I

(3) Scent.

(4) Cry out. (5) Strikes.

(6) Old age.

Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do fear thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak;

Disguis'd like Herne, with huge horns on his head. his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted
Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come,
And in this shape: When you have brought him
thither,