and, as far as I know my own heart, nothing but an affectionate solicitude for my family, and a sincere desire, in my feeble measure, still to serve my great Master, excited in my mind one wish to live. His mercy has, however, spared me; my health and strength are renewed, and I hope I come forth from the trial animated with a stronger desire than ever to be instrumental in glorifying the name of the Lord; and this encourages me to hope he will not withhold the blessing. He who forms the instrument designs to use it.-Amen! my heart shall say, Amen!

These two last years have been seasons of great trial also in my ministerial capacity. It was at a time when I was solacing myself in the general affection and esteem of my dear people, and said, "My mountain stands strong, I shall never be moved," that my comfort was interrupted by the unkind treatment of one of our old members, a deacon of the Church. Blessed be God, my own heart did not reproach me: and when I review my mercies, what matter for praise and cheerful thanksgiving do I see! Mercies stand thick around me! I have to bless my God for ease and health, strength of body, and especially for a heart that sincerely desires to serve and glorify him. I have cause also to bless the Lord, for frequent enlargement in duty, for some success, for a people united to me in affection, for some

who help me by their prayers. And blessed be God for many family mercies;-a family pleasant to mé and devoted to the Lord:-my dear partner a real helpmate, as to this world and another. Three of my dear children have subscribed with their own hand unto the Lord, and a fourth appears to be earnestly seeking Him! Oh! what shall I render unto the Lord for all these most precious benefits! Indeed he hath done great things for me. I know not any one whom he hath so remarkably and richly distinguished with his special favours. Bless the Lord, O my soul! O that my heart may grow warmer and warmer in its affection and returns to such a benefactor! To his disposal I can cheerfully commit all my temporal interests. Though worldly means are lessened, the Lord causes me continually to rejoice in my work; and as to other things, it is sufficient for me that my Father in heaven knoweth that I have need of these things. With this assurance I could preach, methinks, though all recompense from my people should fail; for I seek not theirs, but them; and the less I receive from them, the more I trust I shall have when the Great Shepherd shall appear.

This year, also, O thou ever-blessed God, be thou my helper; and whether comforts or crosses await me, give thou me strength equal to my day, and that shall be enough! Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and I know thy ways are all judgment. Whether I shall see the close of this year I know not,

nor am I anxious to know; but whether I live, I trust I shall live to the Lord, or whether I die, I shall die to the Lord; so that, whether living or dying, I shall be the Lord's. Amen and amen.

1791.

Dec. 14. Thus far the Lord hath helped me. O how great is thy goodness, O Lord, which thou hast wrought for them that hope in thee, before the sons of men! The last has been a year of mercies, personal mercies, and family mercies. The Lord has been pleased to keep sickness from us, and blessed us with health. He has been pleased to keep trouble from us, nor suffered any breach to be made upon us, nor any very distressing breach to be made among our immediate connexions. But how soon may the scene be changed! The comforts now standing so thick around me may very soon wither and die: yet, blessed be God, they are safe until he is pleased to beckon them away, till he comes to transplant them into a richer soil. Glory be to God, for reason I have to believe that he has adopted four of my children into his own family, and poured out his Spirit upon them! Glory, glory be to the riches of free and sovereign Grace! He has not done so with every family, nor even with every family of his servants in the ministry. O may his mercy still abound, and gather yet more under his outstretched wings! Lord, let them be in prosperity or adversity as to the things of this world, as thine

infinite wisdom shall direct; but my heart's desire and prayer for them is, that they may be saved, Among the people of my charge, I bless God, there is peace. One of our members and deacons, and a precious fruit of my ministry, the Lord has been pleased to lay aside from usefulness by depriving him of reason. May the Lord restore health to him in due time, and sanctify the affliction to us all!-I fear this has been a year of unprofitableness in my ministry; at least no fruit at present appears: yet, blessed be God, he has so far awakened my soul to desire to serve and be profitable to my fellow-creatures, and so far stirred up a spirit of prayer in me, that I cannot but hope he will in his own time command the blessing. O that I could discover the occasion of my unprofitableness! Lord, shew me wherefore thou contendest with me! Yet would I be willing to do the work which thou hast allotted me, though it be not enlivened with success; but O Lord, how long! Afresh would I, O God, my God, make a full surrender of myself and my all unto thee. Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? Teach me thy will. To serve thee, I trust, is my delight. Charge me with a commission. O fill me with thy Spirit! Be thou my strength! I know not what trials may await me this year; but thou hast said, "I will never leave thee, I will never forsake thee," and I want no more. Yea, though the sharpest sufferings attend me, and I be called to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. I

would go forth in thy strength, leaning on thine arm, and encouraged by thy promises. Lord, let thy strength be proportioned to my weakness, my duties, and my trials! I trust my future days will be filled up with endeavours to serve thee. Oh let thy grace crown my feeble attempt! However it be, I wish to be humbly acquiescent in thy will. Father, glorify thy name! Amen and amen.

Dec. 14.

1792.

Another year of my pilgrimage is completed. Oh how fast does time, precious time, pass away! how vast the concerns that hang upon it, and of what importance it is that its precious moments be well improved! May I never forget the great end for which I have my being, nor spend one day without a realizing and impressive regard to that vast eternity, that boundless, glorious eternity, to which I am hastening. It is an awakening thought! May I ever read and meditate, converse and act, pray and preach, under the influence of it! May estimate the pleasures and pains, the possessions and wants, the duties and cares of life by the relations they bear to it! May I be enabled to exercise more active zeal, in the duties and labours which are directed towards it! I do not want for motives. that my life were as full of labours for God as it is and has been of kindness and mercy from him! Indeed he has been drawing me with cords of love, the tenderest and most powerful. While I review his