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is sweet and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the Jun, Eccl xi: 7.
4. This discovery and manifestation was of a much longer continuance, and far more bright than any I 'ever since got; for it shone in its brightness for about - ten days. time, and for long after that, it was not
quité off : And while it lasted, many things made, it observable. 1. New discoveries were daily made, the Lord carried me from one thing to another, and in this short time taught me more than by all my stu. dy I had learned before, in another and quite different manner; what naturally and notionally I knew before, in it I corrupted myself, Jude 10. but now the Lord instructed me with a strong hand that I should not walk in this way, Ifa viii. 11. and day unto day uta tereth speech and night unto night taught knowlege; Pfalın xix 2. every day I was surprized with some new, and before unthought of discovery of the Lord : Prov. iv. 8. This was as the shining light shining more and more to a perfect day. 2. All this time my mind was wholly almost taken up about spiritual things; my conversation was in heaven ;-Phil iii. 20. I fiw those with whom I conversed turn every thing (even what was not only innocently, but piously said and meant) into obscene lenses: Whereas now, whatever occurr'd in reading, in meditation, in converse, in daily observation, was by my mind, and to it fpiritualiz’d: I reflected with wonder on this difference, and oft, during this while, was made to look on the in od as a mnould that casts whatever is brought into it into its own shape; Tit. i. 15. To the pure all things are pure, but to them that are defiled, and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is ile filed. 3. Hereon I was not only joyful, but I found the joy of the Lord-my strength; Neh viii. 1o. for all this while I was carried out to extraordinary pleasure and diligence in duty ; It was not now as formerly a burden to go to duty : But I rejoiced when they faid to me, Let us go to the house of God: Psalm cxxi. 1. And my soul answered, I will go to God my chief joy, to God that performeth all things for me: Pfalm. lvii. 2.My heart was enlarged, and I run in the way of God's commandments with delight : Psalm cxix. 32. Willingly I engaged in duty; and when I was engaged in it, my foul oft made me like the chariots of Amminadib, Gant, vi. 12. and I was not easily stopp’d; and failld sometimes as to the just bounds, whereby others that felt not that ravishing sweetness I enjoyed, were sometimes disgusted, though some were not ; for lo near as I can reckon, it was about this time that the Lord began to commend himself and his worship to lady Anne Elcho, which made her at death bleis the Lord for family worship, 4. The Lord daily instructed me all this while out of the. fcriptures, and my heart burned within me while he talked and walked with me by the way, and opened the scriptures, , Luke xxiv. 32. which before were as a sealed book, wherein whatever I read was dark; even that whereof I had some notion : I was ready to fay of it, I can. not read it for 'tis realed : Ifa ix. II. The design and intent, and mystery was hid from me, and the relt of it, I was forc'd to say, I know nothing‘of it, I was not learned. Again, 5. Mine enemies received a stunning stroke, and all of a sudden by the appearance of the sun, these frightful things that disturbed me in the dark disappeared : He graciously for a time restrained them, and bore down corruption, chain'd up Şatan, and kept me from any disturbance by these enemies; with whom I have before had, and since likewise many fad wrestlings : Psalm xviii. 12, 14. • At the brightness that was before him, his thick
clouds passed'. When the Lord arose, ' his enemies " were scattered, Yea, he fent out his arrows and scat • ered, them; and he shot out lightnings ard discom
fited them,' verse 17. Thus he delivered me from • my strong enemy, and from them which hated
me: For they were two strong for me.' 6. Which was the life of all the former, the Lord by keeping his glory continually in mine eye, kept me all this while more humble and self-denied than ever, seeing him, I loathed and detested felf: Job xlii, 6. Beholding his glory, I was in mine own eyes as a grashopper, as nothing, lefs than vanity and nothing, and gloried only in the Lurd, rejoicing in Christ Jesus, and had no confidence in the flesh. Num. xiii. 33, Ila, xl, 22, 17. I Cor. i. 30.
5. The Lord had many gracious designs in this, which I was ignorant of then, as what I shall speedily narrate will shew; but the Lord has in some measure since taught me, some of which I shall here narrate. 1. I was sore broken and wounded before, and the Lord did this in tenderness Job v. 18.-He bound up my wounds: Psalm cxlvii. 3. He poured in oil, Luke X. 34. he made a bed in my sickness. Pfalm xli. 3: He watched me, and kept me free from disturbance, till I was somewhat strengthned. Ifa.xl. 11. 2. I had been plunged into grievous and hard thoughts of him, as one who had in anger sút up his tender mercies, and forgotten to be gracious ; Psalm lxxvii. 8, 9. and I was not easily induc'd to believe good tidings, for I had forgot prosperity; Lam. iii. 17. and though it was told me, I could not believe, Job ix. 16. partly for joy, and partly for fear, till I got a clear sight of the wagons and provisions, and then my spirit revived; Gen. xlv. 27. and the Lord satisfied me in deep condescension that he was real, and in earnest, and had no pleasure in my death, Ezek. xviii. 32. and xxxiii. 11. and that the wound was not incurable, Jer. XV. 18. that it was not the wound of an enemy, or the Itroke of a cruel one, Jer. xxx. 14, 17. but the wound of a friend, in order to healing. 3. He was now for to make me fell all for the pearl : Matth. xii. 45, 46. And like a fair merchant that means not to cheat, he let me lee both what I was to leave, and what I was
to choose, that I might be satisfied I had made a good
bargain : And though inany a day I have seen nei“ther fun nor moon, nor stars since, Aets xxvii. and
have been in the deep day and night; 2 Cor. xi: 25. yer so far did this go, that I durst never once in wish retract my choice. 4. He knew what a wilderness I was to go through, and therefor led me not into that long and weary journey till he had made me eat once and again, as he did by Elijab. i Kings xix. 6, 7. 5. The Lord did not at first plunge me into war, lest I should have repented my engagement: Exod. xiii. 17. And it came to pass when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the philistines although that was near ; for God said left peradventure the people repent when they fee war, and they return to Egypt. 6. The Lord hereby undeceived me as to my hard thoughts of his ways, and reproved me for them; oft was I put to say, Lord, I was as a beast, Psalm 1xxiii. 22. and how bruitsh was I to think that spirituality was a burden, and that it was impossible to be one day so to an end, without weariness! Thus he let me see, That luttered what I understood not ; Job xlii, 3. and tho' once I had so Spoken, yet now I durft not proceed : Job xl. 4, 5. For I saw what with men is impoffible, with God is possible and easy, Matth. xix, 26. who can change the heart, and then the thoughts change. Matth. xii. 33. Finally, The Lord design'd to give me something that might in all after-trials be staying; and oft has the remembrance of this been sweet when present sense failid: Prov. xxi. I, Dan. iv. 16. I called to mind the years of the right hand of the most High, Psalm lxxvii. 10. and was still supported by it.
6. But alas I understood not this, and by my ignorance I was cast into sad mistakes. 1. I fancied this world would last always; I ravingly talk'd of tabernacles with the disciples on the mount; Matth. xvii. 4. I knew not that I was to come down again, and that my dearest Lord was to depart from me again : Pfalm xxx. 6, 7. “In my prosperity I said, My moun''tain stands strong by thy favour, and I should never she moved.' 2. I dream'd no more of fighting with corruptions; but thought that the enemies that ap. peared not, were dead, and that the Egyptians were all drowned in the sea, Exod. xiv. 13. and that I should never learn, nor have occasion for learning war. Ifa. ii. 4. 3. I projected to tie myself up to such a bent, and stint myself to such a course of walking, as neither our circumstances, temptations, nor our duty in this world allows of. Hereon I remember, I could not endure to read these books which were really propcr and necessary to be read, and all times employed in them I reckoned on as loft: This was the old le. gal temper beginning to work again, and secretly ina clining to seek righteousness, 'not directly as before, " but as it were by the works of the law;' Rom. ix. 32. and aiming to entangle me in a yoke of bondage: Yea I began to grudge and be challenged about the time spent in necessary refreshment of the body by . meat and Neep, and endeavoured to abridge myself.
The devil secretly drove from one extreme to another, . and he knew full well that I would not hold here, and that he would easily get me cast into another extreme, to assume a latitude beyond what was due. Cor. ii. 23. Thus. I was well nigh intangled into that yoke of bondage which the Lord hath so lately broke; and deceived unto a voluntary humility and mortification, being vainly puffed up to it by my fleshy mind. Col. ii. 18. 4. I began to reckon upon enlargement and success in duty,as what was not only my due, but what I should always have, and that it was more mine own than really it was: I began to speak of it with delight like the disciples, I said Lord, even the devils are subject to us. Luke x. 17, 20. 5. I look'd'upon this stock of grace. I had gotten, as what would he sufficient to carry me through all my difficulties; Isa. xl. 31. and