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• them away.' Psalm lxv. 3. 9. Having by this look, drawn my eyes to look at him again, while I look'd at him, my soul melted in tears, and my heart that was formerly bound up was loofed, Zech. xii. 10. and my lips formerly sometimes quite closed were opened. Psalm li. 15. When I look'd on him whom I had pierc'd, I mourned, and oft like Peter, I wept bitterly. Luke xxii. 62. Whereas before when I was lying felfcondemned, guilty, and my mouth stoppid, I some. times could scarce look up, or give a sigh or a groan, now I flow'd in tears. 10. While he thus answered me, Job ix. 16. and I seem'd shy of believing the news that were so good, and so unexpected, he create ed peace by the fruit of his lips, Ifa. lvii. 19. by the word, and as it were forc'd it upon my soul, and shed' abroad his love in my heart. Rom. V. 5. 11. Hereon I remembred all my former ways, which the Lord had formerly discovered to me, and was asham'd for them, and even confounded, now when the Lord was pacified. Ezek. xvi. 61, 63. When he told me he would blot out and forget, then I had the most distinct and affecting remembrance : Jer. xxxi. 19. Like E. phraim, when I was turned, I repented, I smote on
my breast, I was asham'd and even confounded; be. 'cause I bare the reproach of my youth,' and of my former ways. But this shame was not that dispiriting fame accompanied with distrust, and inclining to hang down the hands: But an ingenuous concern, and blushing for wretched unkindness, like that of the prodigal when his father met him. 1 2. Herehy my fpirit was made tender, and I was put upon a refolution of walking mournfully before him in the bitterness of my foul. Ifa. xxxviii. 15. 13. Hereafter while this discovery of forgiveness and peace by it continued, I was made in some measure watchful of returning gain to folly. Psalm lxxxv. 8. 14. I was quickned to duty, Psalm li. 13. • Then will I teach transgrelo rfors thy ways, and finners shall be turned unto thee,'
15. While this lasted and was not marr'l by sin again, the sins of others, and every provocation by whom. soever done, I could mourn over it. Rivers of tears were ready to run down mine eyes, becausc tranfgref. fors keeped not God's law. Psalm cxix. 136. 16. . Hereon the conscience being purged, I now recovered that filial boldness of entering into the Lord's presence by the blood of Jesus Christ. Heb. x. 19, 22. Yet with inuch tenderness and awy upon my soul. Ifa xxxviii. 15, 16, 19. Finally, hereby my soul was much weaned from all things else, and endeared to the Lord.
To this case the Lord frequently brought me, And now alas ! while I more rarely attain unto this exercise of repentance and faith in such liveliness, as then I oft did, I am made many times to wish as to this repentance, That it were with me as in monihs pastJob xxix. 3. though I dare not to wish for the occasi, ons of it again. At that time when I was assaulted with boisterous lusts, and foiled by them and my conscience defiled with guilt, the Lord did frequently lift me up, yea lift me sweetly up i
11. To prevent mistakes, I shall subjoin a few observations concerning this exercise. 1. Though at sometimes the Lord carried on this work gradually even as to time; yet at other seasons, all this was done, as it were at once and in a moment. The Lord as he did to David in one breathing speaking fin and peace Sam. xii, 7, 13. 2. There was a very great difference as to degrees in this work, sometimes convictions and humiliation was deeper, and discoveries of forgiveness clearer, and the exercise of faith and repentance more lively, and sometimes less fo. Jude 22. But whenever God did throughly recover from any grievous fall, all things in substance were found, Isa. Xxviii. 27. 3. This was not always of alike continuance, sometimes through my own fault, I quickly lost the jewel ; And. provok'd him at the red-sea. Psalm cvi, 77 4. Though God, to punish me for my wick
edness, sometimes let me seek peace long before I got it; yet at some seasons, to thew the fovereignity of his grace, and that I might not pretend, That it was my seeking that mov'd him to shew mercy, he sur· priz'd me immediately upon the back of my sin, be
fore ever I had thought in the least what I had done, and gave me such a louk; as made me weep bitterly. , Luke xxii. 62. And when it was thus, it deeply affected my soul, and fill'd me with the most deep selfloathing and detestation, and the highest wonder at the riches, freedom, and astonishing sovereignity of grace. 5. There is one thing I may observe with grief of heart, That the most terrible enemies are not the most dangerous. At that time I was attacked with fins that were easily known to be sins, my conscience was easily convinced of them, and alarm'd with them and thereby was more deeply exercised, and sought more after distinct discoveries of forgiveness, which were attended with all these pleasant effects; since that the Lord in some measure broke these lufts, I have been assaulted with less difcernible evils, sins under the mask of duties, and these secretly devour my Itrength, and rarely and difficultly are they discovered in their exceeding sinfulness, and so when it is much needed, I am more a stranger to that Itate of repentance. But as I fee I need it, so the Lord knows I long to be brought into it, and to be humbled, er pecially for secret and hidden fins that wasted the strength, Oft have I been made to think of this, that all the excuses mentioned in the parable of the supper, that kept them that were invited from closing with the offer, were taken from occasions in them. felves lawful. Matth. xxii. 5. And no doubt, the excuses whereby the Lord's own people are kept from that nearness, that is their duty and interest to seek
after, flow from the same things ; I have found them · far the more dangerous and hurtful hindrances. 12, The Lord by such exercises instructed me!
i . since,
since, and at the time in several useful lessons, 1. The Lord this way taught me how to walk with him. He dealt with me as we are wont to do with children, he held me by the hand, he let me well nigh Nip, Pfalm xciv. 18. Jand sometimes fall, and this to let me know I was not able to go alone; and then he graciously raif. ed.me up, and comforted me, that I should not by this be altogether discouraged from walking in his way. Hofea. xi. 3, 4. I taught Ephraim also to go, taking them by their arms, but they knew not that I healed them, I drew them with the cords of a man, with bunds of love. And I was to them as they that take of the yoke on their jaws, and I laid meat unto 'them. 2. As the Lord by the prevalency of sin taught the necessity of an extensive remedy, so by the experience of forgiveness in such cases as I have mention, ed, he taught the certainty of this, that this forgive
ness is really as extensive, rich and free as the case E' requires. Pfalm xxxii, 5. 3. He by the experience of
this, enabled to understand better, and speak inore feelingly of these truths, than otherwise I could have done, and to comfort others with comforts, not only real, but experienced, even such wherewith I myself had been comforted of God. 2 Cor. 1. 4: Thus what
I have heard and seen and handled of the word of life, ; that declared I to others. I John i. 1. 2 The Lord I gave some acquaintance with the nature, exercise and ; effects of the most useful and necessary graces of his
spirit, faith, repentance, 6c And Finally, the Lord beat down self very much by this exercise. Of this design the Lord of late, while I read in my family in the y chapter of Deuteronomy gave me a pleasant view, which I shall represent in the following reniarks from that chapter. ..
1. God's great design upon Israel, is to manifest the glory of his grace, mercy, patience, faithfulness in their salvation, their deliverance from Egypt, and putting them in possession of Canaan, see verse 5, 6.
2. Naturally finners, as all his people are such, are, and appear very opposite to this design, being deeply felfinh, as the whole of this chapter, and the scriptures manifest, And this self has two branches, which are
like its two eyes, jelf-strength, and self-righteousness, ( verse 1, 2, and verfe 5,6.
3. Self in these two branches is very strong, We are ready to pretend, That our own strength carried us through these difficulties, when once we have over come them, which we were so far from being able of ourfelves to grapple with, that the very thoughts of them frighted us, compare Verse 1, 2. of this chapter, with the i3, and 14. Chapters of Numbers. And we are ready to ascribe to our own righteousness what we get, when we, mean while, are not worthy of the least of all God's mercies, Verfe 5, 6, &c. L: 4, 'Yet how strong fo ever these are, they must be fubdued. In order thereto, the Lord after he begins to manifest himself to his people, leads them not prefently into Ganaan; but carries them through the wilderness, where a variety of temptations draw out. discoveries of their secret corruptions, their weakness
and wickedness, see Verfê 6,7. .. .. 5. The discoveries of God's patience, mercy and
grace; and of his peoples 'weakness and wickedness, efpecially after remarkable manifestations of the Lord, are means which the Lord makes use of, and remarkably bleffes to cure them of these distempers, and put out these two cyes of the wicked idol : Consider the whole chapter. . . ; !,: *is
6. The Lord for this end, whenever he is about to compleat, or carry one the begun deliverence and mercy, revives the impression of these things. Read the whole Chapter, particularly ver. 7.
Many other gracious designs did the Lord in this way carry on, he let me see the bitterness of sin, and discovered it to be exceeding finful.; he let me see much of the hellish ingratitude of my heart, he let me