Imágenes de páginas
PDF
EPUB

with the unreasonablenefs of praying, till I was once fure there was a God. And I confefs I was fometimes hardly put to it, to defend the practice; yet I alway 'inclined to the affirmative, and thought, That if there was a God, as I durft not fay, but I had reason to think there was, he could beft fatisfie me as to his own being. 2 Kings xix. 10. 7. I was fometimes obliged to flee hini, and feek fanctuary in diverfions. 6. Sometimes the Lord mercifully reftrained him, and he left me for a leafon.

6. While this trial was lengthned out, the Lord gave frequently fome checks to it, and to Satan. 1, By clear difcoveries of the horrible tendency of the temptations, that they tended to destroy the foundations of all human happinefs, P/alm lxxiii 15. caft reproach upon all the best and wifest in the world, and account, and fet up as the only happy and wife men, proud fools. Mal. iii. 15. If the foundations are deftroyed, what had the righteous done? Pfalm xi. 3. Then are the proud happy, and they that hate God, are exalted. 2. I was relieved by the confideration of the comfortable iffue others had got,who had been in like manner exercised. Pfalm xxii. 4, 5. Our fathers trufted in God, they trusted in God, and were helped. 3. God fometimes let me fee fome glimpfes of his glory, even in the works of creation: The heavens declare his glory. Pfalm xix. 1. 4. The Lord fometimes from the word relieved me by fome beams of his glory And I remember 1 was oftner than once helped by the Lord's fuggefting with unufual power, the three childrens anfwer to the king of Babylon, with the glorious iflue; Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to anfwer thee in this matter. If it be fo, cur God whom we jerve, is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not ferve thy gods, nor worship the go'den image which thou haft jet up. Dan. iii, 16, 17. There was fome.

I 4

thin

thing indeed here, that I could not reach: But my heart was affected with the noble resolution, and encouraged to attempt weakly as I could, to write after their copy, and the iffue was encouraging. 5. The devil in these temptations acted fo vifible a part, that I could not but difcern that there was a devil: And when I faw him fo deeply engaged in this quarrel, I was strongly induced to think he was not come out against a straw, or to hunt a shadow. 1 Sam. xxiv. 14. 6. When the Lord began to deal with me clofly about fin, the edge of this temptation was much blunted. Satan could not easily prevail in perfuading there was no God, while I found his arrows stick hard in me, and the poison of them drinking up my Spirits. Job vi, 4.

7. But yet I was not fully relieved. Nothing but a discovery of God could give a full defeat to Saran. Zech. iii. 2. Wherefore the Lord at length pitied me; not in the way that I could have defired; for I would have had it then. But confidering I was then an unhumbled enemy, God could not have appear'd otherwise than as an enemy, and I could not have thus feen him and lived. Exod xxxiii. 20. Such an appearance would indeed have made me believe and tremble: James ii. 19. But this would have cast me into new trouble. Wherefor the Lord led me to right fatisfaction another way: He difcovered fin in the way above-mentioned, and by this difcovery, as I have now hinted, diverted the violence of this temptation, and broke its force, as has been above hinted: For he stays his rough wind in the day of his ealt wind. Ifa. xxvii. 8 And having thus humbled me, he gave me the above-mentioned discovery of himself in his glory in Christ Jesus.

8. That then which brought me to a foul fatisfying affent, and repelled all temptations against the being of a God, was the above-mentioned view of him in his glory. 2 Gar. iv. 6. While God who com

manded

[ocr errors]

manded the light, to shine out of darkness, by his word and fpirit, fhining into my mind, to give me the light of the knowlege of the glory of God in the face of Jefus Chrift. I could not defiderate any more fatisfying evidence of his being. And while that light did fhine, or when at any time it does thine, Satan then dares not oppofe. All the mountains of oppofition, the bulky arguments, that appeared like rocks and hills, fhook at the prefence of the Lord, and were carried into the midst of the fea. And now the light being come, 1 John ii. 8. and the Lord being feen in his own light, I had manifold and fatisfying evidences of this glorious truth.

1. I had the evidence of fight, not by the eye of the body, but by that of faith; I faw the glory of God as reprefented in the word, fhining with the cleareft luftre, that fatisfied me it was truth, and no lie. 2 Cor. iii. 18. The glory was fo great, that it not only let me fee, and convinced me of its reality, but really convinced me in fome meafure, that nothing elfe is real. This fight gave me more confiftent, Godbecoming notions of him, his nature and attributes, 'than ever I attained before, which fhook the foundation of many of my former fcruples that proceeded only from my ignorance and darknefs about the nature of God.

2. I had the evidence of the ear; for I heard him fpeak not to my bodily ears, but to my foul; and his voice did fufficiently diftinguish itself from the voice of any creature. For, Firft, He spoke terror to me from Sinai, Heb. xii. 19. and then when my foul was as the troubled fea, he said, peace be still; and with authority commanded he the winds and the Jea, and they obeyed, and prefently there was a caim. Mark iv. 39. His word enlightned mine eyes, and converted my foul. It was a powerful voice that came from the Lord moft high. Pfalm xxix. 4. The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the foul. The teftimo

'ny

ny of the Lord is fure, making wife the fimple. The ftatutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart : The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightning the eyes.' Pfalm xix. 7, 8.

3. I had likewife a feeling of his power. I not only heard his voice, but I felt his power cafting me down, and raising me up again, Pfalm cii. 10. and faying to one that was weak, Be ftrong; Ifa. xxxv. 4. Pfalm lxviii. 28. yea, and commanding ftrength. Thus my faith food not in the wildom of man, but in the power of God. 1 Cor. ii. 5. I have before told what of his power I felt, what effects were wrought, and fo here I forbear any further account.

4 I was now made to taste and jee that the Lord. is good, and that the foul that trufts in him is blessed. Pfalm xxxvi 8. I sat down under his fhadow and the fruits above-mentioned were fweet to my taste. Cant. ii, 3.

5. I was made to feel the favour, and relish a fragrant fweetness in his word, works and ways. His Name was as ointment poured forth, and therefor I loved him. Cant. i. 3.

6. Hereby all my objections were folved. Heb. xi. 1. Faith is the evidence of things not feen; it not only fatisfies the foul about them by the cleareft evidence, but it reproves contrary objections Pfalm xviii. 12. At the brightnefs that was before him, the dark clouds paffed away. My objections now were like thofe kings mentioned by the Pfalmift, who had come in a combination to ruin the church, but were frighted by God's appearing Pfalm xlviii 4, 5, 6 Lo the kings were affembled they paffed together. They faw it, and fo they marvelled, they were troubled, and hafted away. Fear took hold upon them there, and pains as of a woman in travail. Juft fo was it with my adverfaries; faith (as the word rendred evidence, Heb. xi. 1. fignifies) reproved them, and at this rebuke they fied. For, 1, If they fhould now fay, Where is

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

thy

thy God? I was ready to reply, Lo this God is our God, we have waited for him, and he will fave us ; we have waited for him, and will be glad in his fulvation. Ifa. xxv. 9. 2. If they should now object the feeming inconfiftency of his attributes, which was oft made ufe of to trouble me, I had an answer given, a word put in my mouth. At the fame time God condescended to fhe v me his buck parts, be fatisfied me, That no man could behold his Face, Exod. xxxiii. 23. He by the difcovery gave me a view of his incomprehenfibility, fufficient to filence all these; Job xi. 7. Can't thou by fearching find out God? Canft thou find out the Almighty unto perfection? Our fhort line cannot meafure God. 3. When the feeming confufion and diforders in his government were urged, I now had therewith to answer all thefe; Job xxxiii, 13. He gives an account of none of his matters. Pfalm 1xxvii. 19. His way is in the fea, and his paths in the great waters: His footsteps are not known. Yet though Clouds and darkness are round about him, righteousness and judgment are the habitation of his throne. Pfalm. xcvii. 2. 4. The Lord really cleared many particular objections as to all these heads, and by this difcovery of himself in the Janctuary, Pfalm lxxiii. 17. he fatisfied me in a way rational, yet above reafon, letting me fce rational anfwers in the light of his word and fpirit. He laughs at the profperity of the wicked, because he fees their day a coming. Pfalm xxxvii. 13. Thus were mine enemies foil'd, and fo let all thine enemies perish, O Lord. Judges v. 31,

This light thus kindled, he daily increas'd and confirmed me every day more and more by new discoveries of himself from the word, And now I could look with fatifaction upon the heavens and the earth, and fee the print of his hand upon them.

С НА Р.

« AnteriorContinuar »