as to the truth, till I was in cafe to recover the particular teftimonies out of the enemies hand: When the Lord manifefted himself from the word to me, he gave me a fweet view of himself and his defign, principally aim'd at in the whole revelation he made of himself, and of the fweet and harmonious confent and concurrence of the principal doctrines of the gofpel, in promoting that defign; and he let me fee how the end and the means were fo clofely linked toge ther, that one of these truths could not be overturned, but almost all the reft must follow its fate: Hereon, whenever any of thefe truths was controverted, its connexion with the other truths uniformly and plainly attefted bythe current of the fcriptures, prefented itfelf, and my mind was fatisfied, it could not fall, without they all fell: This I take to be the analogy of faith; and herein I oft took fanctuary.

22. Seventhly, My mind has oft ftayed by the concurrent fuffrage of the pious in all churches and nations, and ages, witneffed in their particular writings and confeffions of faith: I loved to walk in the footfteps of the flock, that is, of thefe of whole piety we had the beft fecurity.

23. Eightly, The direct oppofition, efpecially of the Pelagian notions, to my own experience, and that of all the fearers of God I converfed with, as well as the fcriptures, was a very great relief.

24. Ninthly, One thing that made me always read Arminians and Socinians with a juft jealoufy, was a clear view of their fcandalous difingenuity in mifreprefenting the opinions they opposed.

25. Tenthly, When I feriously viewed the difficul ties they urged against the truth, I oft found them. caught in the thicket and as deeply faftned and entangled in the fame, or other full as great or greater inconvenieniences.

26. Eleventhly, The fore mentioned view of the defign of the gospel, as reprefented from the first of the Corinthians, was of great use, 27. Twelfthly,

Part III, 27. Twelfthy, God very oft, when I was perplexed about particular fcriptures, gave me a view of their meaning in his own light, opened them to me; and after him temptations fpoke not again.

28. Many other things and confiderations of an alike nature, have been relieving; which, because they are too many and too long to be here narrated I pals: Thefe mentioned may f.rve for a taste.

29. I now came to give fome account of my relief from another temptation, wherewith I have been continually excercifed from my youth, and yet fometimes am; and it refpects death; I have above narrated what a continual bondage I was in thro' fears of death, and how early thefe fears began; I fhall now give some account of my relief.

30, First, I found the Lord's mercy manifefted in Chrift, free me from the fpirit of bondage, and acquaint me in fome measure with that liberty, that is, the attendant of the Spirit of adoption; and hereby all my fears were much weakened.

31. Secondly, The Lord by that discovery he made of himself in Chrift removed in a great measure the grounds wherein I had heretofore feared death most, the want of evidence about the reality of things not feen, and fin the fting of death; and hereon my mind. was much ealed, becaufe I was now in fome measure fecured against both these fears.

32. Thirdly, The ftrong power of fin that I found ftill remaining, and the disturbance thence arifing, made life not desirable; and a profpect of riddance by death; and a more fatisfying difcovery of the Lord made death, appear more defirable.

33. Fourthly, Whereas a natural averfion to death ftill continued, and I found ftill more fear upon a clofs profpect of it arifing in my mind; I was much relieved by the promife of the Lord's helping against temptation, and engaging for his people, that they fhould not be tempted above what they are able to bear

but

but that when the trial comes, he will provide a way

to escape.

34. Fifthly, My faith as to this promise was often ftrengthned by former experience; particularly, I remember one day travelling from Edinburgh to Leith and meditating upon death, I was oppreffed with fear, when the Lord mercifully fuggefted this fcriptural thought, though not in the fcripture words, have you not fhrinked formerly under the remote profpect of other trials? And have you not yet been carried honourably and fafely thro' them? What reafon have you to distrust God as to future trials, who has given grace formerly to help in time of need? This quieted my mind at the time.

35. Sixthly. With refpect to this, it has always been very fatisfying to confider, that it is no way meet that God fhould giev us grace before trials come,but that he fhould keep us humble and dependant by referving that in his own and hand teach us to fubmit to his judgment,as to the meafure and time of performing his own promifes,and givingthe neceffary fupplies ofgrace.

36. Seventhly, Hereon my foul is quieted under all my fears of this trial, in fome meafure of the faith of this, that the Lord is a God of judgment, and that they are all bleffed who wait on him in the faith of his promises, not doubting either of his faithfulness as to the accomplishment, or judgment as to the right tim. ing and measuring them in proportion to our trials and neceffities.

37. Eightly, The Lord has often given me, when clouded by this fear, a fweet difcovery of the beauty of this difpofal that we have promises to live upon, till the trials come, and that when they come, we fhall then get accomplishments to live on: In the mount of the Lord it shall be feen.

Finally, The experiences of the Lords faithfulness recorded in hiftory, and learned by report, or by my own obfervation, did oft help to ftrengthen my faith

of

Part IV. of this and here I reft to this day. I dare not fay, I am ready to die; I dare not fay I have faith or grace fufficient to carry me through death; I dare not fay, I have no fears of death; but this I fay, there isgrace enough for helping me, laid up in the promife. there is a throne of grace to which in our ftraits we may have recourse: He is a God of judgment, who has the difpofal, and who will not withold it when it is really the time of need.

Containing fome account of his ordination unto the holy miniftry, and his conduct therein.

CHA P. I.

Of his being licensed to preach the gospel.

When

7Hen I was under the violent strugglings related in the account of the fecond part of my life, I had laid by all thoughts of the work of the miniftry, It was like hell once, to entertain a thought of preaching to others what I did not believe myfelf; But now things began to alter, and the Lord led me on to that which I declin'd before; And I find the steps of his providence about me in this matter, do deferve to be remembred by me. 1. My mother did devote me from my childhood, to this work, and oft exprefs'd her defire to lend me to the Lord all the days of my life, to ferve him in the Gospel of his Son: This has oft had its own weight on my fpirit. 2. The course of my fludies had look'd that way: my education pointed towards that work; which providential de termination of my ftudies, tho' I had no great regard to it at fome times; yet on other occafions it had fome weight on my fpirit, that I durft not rafhly turn my thoughts another way. 3. The Lord forcibly, by his providence, did break my defign of following the

Study

ftudy of philofophy, by the foregoingTM exercise, of which I have given an account, brought my mind to acquiefce in this difpenfation,and made philofophy comparatively distasteful, and it was upon the ferious review of the temptations moving me to incline that way,made extremely unfavoury. 4. The Lord having thus loos'd my heart from that study, that for a while did rival it with the ftudy of divinity; he did alfo, by the foregoing iffue of my dark exercise, remove and take away the principal ftumbling blocks, and make the ways ftraight. 5. He further by the difcovery of his glory in the face of Chrift, engaged my heart to and endeared to my foul the knowlege of Chri and him crucified. 6. He brought me under a lively fenfe of that forcible tie that was hereon laid on me, to lay out myself in any way that he fhould call me to be ferviceable to him, and I was made to think, that I fhould be the more happy, the more directly my work fhould look that way. 7. While, like Peter, I was mufing fometimes on these things, about the month of April or May 1698, two minifters were fent to my great furprile, from the prefbytery of Kircaldie, urging me to enter on trials: I did altogether decline the propofal, because I had no reading, wanted the languages, and had been much diverted from ftudy, particularly by the foregoing exercife, which had filled my thoughts for near a year and an half, and it was not then two years fince I came from the college. In a word I did answer, I am a child and cannot speak, Jeri. 6. And here I ftuck furpris'd and toffed with thoughts what this might mean, and whence it was, for I had fcarce ever look'd near the prefbytery. They prefcrib'd John. i. 12. for a text and left me to confider of it. 8. I found my averfion strong to enter fo foon at least on trials; but fill it had fome weight on my fpirit, and I did think further of it, and found that the Lords dealings with me of late in the great variety of trials, cafting me

down