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cife in the viciffitudes of difcouraging damps, and refreshing revivals upon his own fpirit; that in his minifterial ftation he might from his own experience be the more capable of dealing fuitably with others, according to their various cafes and conditions: He alfo ftudied much a clofs acquaintance with his own ftate and frame, and was obfervant of the Lord's gracious dealings with him, as may be gathered from the following fhort hints.

July 28, 1702, The Lord, about this time, giving fome what of a revival from a long deadness I think myself concern'd to notice the means by which I obtain'd this benefit; and,

1. It was fignally promoted by converse with lively Chriftians: As iron fharpneth iron, fo a man Sharpneth the countenance of his friend, Prov xxvii. 17.

2 By fome heavy ftrokes laid on me, the Lord did chaften me, and, in fome measure, teach me out of his law.

3. By terrible providences with respect unto the publick, the Lord did awaken me in fome measure Awake fleeper, call on the name of thy God. Jonah. i. 6.

4. The Lord providentially brought unto my hands fome papers, containing the exercise of fome poted Chriftians wherein I faw how far fhort I was of others, and alfo not a few of the caufes of my fadly wither'd and decayed cafe: For this shall every godly one pray unto thee in a time when thou mayeft be found, Pfalm xxxii. 6.

5. By fome difcovery of the vanity of my fweeteft enjoyments: Therefor I will go and return unto my first bufband; for then it was better with me than now, Hof. ii. 7.

6. By leading me to fome fubjects which I choos'd for others, wherein my own cafe was alfo remarkably touch'd, the Lord did in fome mcafure awaken me :

Thus

Part IV, Thus while with David, I heard only a parable at first, I was quickly told in the end, that I was the

man.

March 11, 1705, This day I preached on my ordinary, I was far out of order; Lord pity and fhine on me: At night I was fomewhat refreshed in family worship, In meditation on my cafe, I faw unbelief to be the root of all my mifery, and was broken on account of it; I cry'd to the Lord for relief against it, and that he might manifest himself to my foul: Lord bear. I was much griev'd with this, that in a time when fo many strange evils abound, there would be fuch a strange stupidity on my spirit, that I could not mourn for the dishonour done to God; I cry'd for a fpirit of fupplication and repentance.

April 7th, 1705, I was much diforder'd in body this day, and in little cafe for any work through indifpofition, till towards feven at night, and then I was a little relieved, as to bodily disorder, and began to think of preparing for the fabbath; and bowing my knees to prayer, 1 was full of perplexity, the Lord hid himself, my fpirit was like to fink, I complained, and my Spirit was overwhelm'd. I got no relief till after I had made fome preparation for the work of the fabbath, and then my fpirit was refreshed with that fcripture, Heb. x. 19, 20. Having therefor, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jefus, by a new and living way which he hath confecrated for us through the vail, that is to fay, his fefb; which I a little explain'd in my fermon: Hereby I found my mind compos'd; but, O that it were with me as `in months past !

His Cafe for Jome Time.

Pril 17th, 1705. I was much difordered in body, till towards night, then I began to mufe on the state of matters betwixt God and my foul, and

finding, 1. A great withdrawing of influences in duty, in fecret, and family, and public. 2. Hiercon deadnefs following. And, 3. Hereon a languishing of all grace: And that, 4. Notwithstanding many loud calls to diligence, and to aim at more than ordinary nearness to God; I hereupon refolved in the Lord's ftrength to enquire into the causes, and cry for light as to them.

July, 5th, 1705, This morning in prayer, the Lord pointed out further the evil of a neglect of distinct exercise about the guilt of fin, I fhall represent the sweet difcovery in the following hints.

My cafe was difcovered, 1. I felt deadnefs. 2. Weariness in duty. 3. Averfion following hereon. 4. Deadness of fpirit for ordinary.

Caufes of prefent Deadness.

I. S to the guilt of fin, the fenfe of it impaired. 2. Hereon the discoveries of the want of fpiritual ftrength, which flows from the diftinct obfervation of fins weakn'd hereon. 3. The fenfe of darknefs likewife impair'd. 4. Hereon the trade with Chrift for light, forgiveness and ftrength, decayed. 5. This trade being the great mean of endearing Chrift, and the sweetness of these communications being that which keeps up liveliness in duty; all these evils follow on the want of it. Blefs, bless the Lord, O my foul.

Relief.

July 19th, 1705, This day the Lord fhin'd on

me in duty, my heart was much compos'd, fatisfied, and refresh'd, and in fome measure made. to hope for a revival. Glory, glory, glory to free grace in Chrift.

July, 29th, 1705, This day I was much refresh'd

Part IV. with a view of the glory of the Lord Jefus in the or» dinances: My foul was fweetned with a sense of his love, warmed and compofed in preaching upon Philip. iii. 3.

February, 24th 1706. Being the Lord's day, and he being to preach, his cafe he relates thus. In the morning I was fore fhaken about the truths of God, but came to peace as to what I was to speak in three things. Lord, thou haft fully fatisfied me as to the utter vanity and unfatisfactoriness of all other courles to fatisfaction, as to our great concerns, befides that reveal'd in the gospel.

Lord, thou haft fully satisfied me, that fuppofing the truth of the gospel, there is a plenary, and full fecurity as to all that I can defire, with respect to time and eternity in it.

Lord, thou haft given me that full and rational e. vidence for the truth of the gofpel, far beyond what would in other things fully fatisfie me; and therefor it must only be the wretched unbelief of my heart that keeps me hesitating here. I will look for faith to the author of it. Of these three I am fo fix'd, that no power of temptation has been able to shake me.

All my doubtings flow from unbelief's power, that will not be fupprefs'd without an overpouring fenfe of divine authority. I preached, and was helped in publick worship, being ftrengthned in body, and fweetned in fpirit.

December, 5th, 1706, Meditation on his taking a journey from his own house, before the dawning of the day.

What a different cafe am I in now, from what I was a little while ago? then I was in a pleasant-habitation, furrounded with wife,children, conveniencies; in a habitation well illuminated with pleafant light, whereby I faw my enjoyments, difcerned the pleafantnefs of them, and their fuitableness. I had neceffaries, quiet of mind, and opportunity to retire to my closet,

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To converse with God, wherewith I was refreshed.

But what a change do I now find! I am engaged in a journey, my way is dark, I find it cold. Now when I turn thoughtful, I fear every where, fear where no fear is! Now ufe and custom turn me secure, and I fear not where there is fear, I fee no danger, and begin to conclude, there is none.

Have I not here a view of man's ftate in innocency, and his ftate when fallen?

But what a change do I find! Light begins to appear! Had I never feen it, I fhould have had no notion of it! What a furprise is this? When did it begin? How did it grow? Where were my fenfes ? Did not I look on, and yet I cannot fee, and cannot tell how it began, nor whence! So is every one that is born ofthe spirit.'

But fure it is, one thing I know, whereas I faw nothing, now I see; I fee where I am, what is near about me; I fee where there is hazard, and where there is fafety in the way I am in; but what is at a diftance I yet perceive not: The firft dawning of faving light is not perceivable in its rife, in its pogrefs, but unquestionable in its effects, and gives a view of The state I am at present in.

But a new scene appears, light grows, I fee at a diftance, but men appear as trees,' pleasant trees, delightful fields, men fuitable to ine, and friends appear as monsters feen with an imperfect light, my fears are quickned: And is it not fo with young converts?

Light ftill increases, it grows, every new degree is Inconceivable, and we have no notion of the difcovery it makes. What before was dark, was frightful,is now pleasant and agreeable. Imperfect views of the best things,give but mis-fhappen notions; light increasing fatisfies as to them. Eye hath not feen, Ifa. Ixiv. 4. Truly light is fweet, even before the fun is feen, Jight is great, and is pleasant, makes the way pleaf

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