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finding, 1. A great withdrawing of influcnces in
duty, in secret, and family, and public.' 2. Hereon
deadliess following. And,-3. Hereon a languishing cf
all grace: And that, 4. Notwithstanding many loud
calls to diligence, and to aim at more than ordinary
nearness to God; I hereupon refolved in the Lord's
strength to enquire into the causes, and cry for light
as to them.
July, 5th, 1705; This morning in prayer, the
Lord pointed our further the evil of a neglect of dift-
inct exercise about the guilt of sin, I shall represent
the sweet discovery in the following hints. . .
- My case was discovered, 1. I felt deadness. 2.
Weariness in duty. 3. Aversion following hereon.
4. Deadness of spirit for ordinary.

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Causes of present Deadness. . 1. As to the guilt of sin, the sense of it impaired. **, 51 2. Hereon the discoveries of the want of spiritual strength, which flows from the distinct obfervation of sins weakn'd hereon. 3. The sense of darknels likewise impair'd. 4. Hereon the trade with Christ for light, forgiveness and strength, decayed. s. This trade being the great mean of endearing Christ, and the sweetness of these communications being that which keeps up liveliness in duty; all these evils follow on the want of it. Bless, bless the Lord, O my foul.

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Relief. TUly 19th, 1705, This day the Lord shind on Å Ime in duty, my heart was much compos'd,

satisfied, and refresh'd, and in some measure made: to hope for a revival. Glory, glory, glory to free

grace in Chrif. => July, 29th, 1705, This day I was much refresh'd . .. M


with a view of the glory of the Lord Jesus in the or. dinances : My soul was sweetned with a sense of his love,warmed and composed in preaching upon Philip, iii. 3.

February, 24tla 1706. Being the Lord's day, and he being to preach, his cafe he relates thus. In the morning I was fore shaken about the truths of God, but came to peace as to what I was to speak in three things. Lord, thou hast fully fatisfied me as to the utter vanity and unsatisfactoriness of all other courses to satisfaction, as to our great concerns, belides that reveal'd in the gospel.

Lord, thou hast fully satisfied me, that supposing the truth of the gospel, there is a plenary, and full security as to all that I can desire, with respect to time. and eternity in it.

Lord, thou hast given me that full and rational e. vidence for the truth of the gospel, far beyond what woald in other things fully satisfie me; and therefor 'it inust only be the wretched unbelief of my heart that keeps me hesitating here. I will look for faith to the author of it. Of these three I am fo fix'd, that no power of temptation has been able to fhake me.

All my doubtings flow from unbelief's power, that will not be suppress'd without an overpouring seofe of divine authority. I prenched, and was helped in publick worship, being strengthned in body, and Iweetned in spirit.

December, 5th, 1706, Meditation on his taking a journey from his own house, before the dawning of the day. .' What a different case am I in now, from what I was a little while ago ? then I was in a pleasant habication, surrounded with wife,children, conveniencies; in a habitation well illuminated with pleasant light, whereby I saw my enjoyments, discerned the pleasantness of them, and their suitableness. I had necessaries, Quiet of mind, and opportunity to retire to my closet,


to. converse with God, wherewith I was refreshed.

But what a change do I now find! I am engaged in . a journey, my way is dark, I find it cold. Now when

I turn' thoughtful, I fear every where, fear wbere ng
fear is ! Now use and custom turn me secure, and I
fear not where there is fear, I see no danger, and begin
to conclude, there is none.
- Have I not here a view of man's state in innocency,
and his state when fallen? .. . ,
. But what a change do I find! Light begins to ap-
pear ! Had I never seen it, I fhould have had no no-
tion of it! What a surprise is this? When did it
begin? How did it grow? Where were my senses ?
Did not I look on, and yet I cannot see, and cannot
tell how it began, nor whence ! 'So is every one that
is born ofthe spirit. Dit

But sure it is, one thing I know, whereas I saw no.

thing, now I see ; I fee where I am, what is near a. 3, bout me; I see where there is hazard, and where

there is safety in the way I am in ; but what is at a

distance I yet perceive not: The first dawning of F Faving light is not perceivable in its rife, in its pogress, En but unquestionable in its effects, and gives a view of

the state I am at present in.

But a new scene appears, light grows, I fee at a & diftance, but men appear as trees,' pleasant trees, de...

lightful fields, men fuitable to ine, and friends apie

pear as monsters seen with an imperfect light, my E fears are quickned: And is it not fo with young con

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Light still increases, it grows, every new degree is
inconceivable, and we have no notion of the discovery
it makes. What before was dark, was frightful,is now
pleasant and agrecable. Imperfect views of the best
things,give but mis-shappen notions ; light increasing
fatisfies as to them : Eye hath not feen, Ifa. Ixiv. 4.
.: Truly light is fweer, even before the sun is seen,
Jight is great, and is pleasant, makes the way pleaf-

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ant, and gives pleasant discoveries ; but it cannot be without sense told or conceived, what satisfactory discoveries, what quickning warmth the's fun affords.. .!

i . . Solemn self examination. . ;

T Anuary, 11th, 1708, In the morning I arose greatI ly indisposed with a loosness, but somewhat relieved before I went to church'; yet immediately after fermons, seiz'd with a vomiting. Lord teach and lead me to fome suitable improvement. ? !

Queries to be considered as to my private cafe.

"1. Are daily sins, sins of infirmity, searched, obServed, weighted, mourned for? :52. Is there care taken to exercise faith distinctly in order to pardon of them ? ..! : 3. Is peace taken, when not powerfully by the Lord ipoken?

• 4. Does the impression of the necesity and ex. cell ency of Christ's blood decay?..

5. Are the experiences of its use and efficacy diftinct as before? ... 6, Am I formal in worship, duties secret, private, craving blessing to meat, returning thanks, prayer, meditation, and reading, &c. .'' .! 7. Is there due care of educating my family?

§. Are rods observed, and suitably improven? £ 5.9. Is there due concern for the flock ? And singleness and diligence in ministerial duties, prayer

for the flock, visiting the sick, &c. .. · 10. Is there fympathy with afflicted saints and churches?

'11. Are the sins of the day mourned for?

12.. Is the voice of the rod heard calling to, 1.. Deniedness to relations, the dearest, 2. Denicdness

to the world. 3. To life, 4. Preparation for death. 5. Spirituality in duty.

4. January, 1709. In secret I look'd up to God, and reviewed the state of my soul for the last year since January 12, 1708. These queries had not been,' alas ! fuitably regarded as they should. § 2. Another year added, under many new calls to repentance and reformation, is not suitably improven.

3. Is not this the design of present indisposition to rebuke for this ? . . : 4. Ah! the power of remaining sin and enmity against duty appearing in diverting from secret duties, indisposition for them, and for spirituality of mind, meditation, self-examination, prayer, reading the word, and liveliness in them. 1.3. Is it not a rebuke for failures as to faithfulness in my station, that I'm now put to silence ?

6. Is there not a call, if the Lord spare, to give myself wholly to the duties of my general and particular calling?

7. May not this indisposition bea check from pro. secuting scholastick studies, and invite to apply myfelf to a continuation of my experiences.

Mercies I noticed this last year. !

Utward. 1. Tho' the Lord has chattised fore,

yet he has spar'd. 2. When my work did call for it, about my own and others sacraments, I was strangely Strengthned. 3. The Lord gives some prospect as to an iffue of the confusions of my worldsy affairs, And here; 1. Not all at once ; this mighe tempt me to depend no more, or turn nack. 2. Not till the Lord had long exercised with difficulties; this serves to humble and keep sober, 3. Lealt all this

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