Imágenes de páginas
[ocr errors][ocr errors]

quiry into my own ftate, knowing that one unacquain: ted with Christ has no reason to expect an acceptance in prayer. Therefor, after some serious application to God in prayer for the affistance of his spirit, to make a true discovery of the late of my soul, I found it as follows.

1 With Respect to Godo 1. T TNder a full conviction, that, life is in his

U favour, Pfalm. xxx. 5. nay his laving kinilo befs is better than life, Pfalm lxiij. 3. iiiiii

2. The like conviction I was under, that any in tereft in this favour, admittance to, or acceptance with this God, is utterly impoflible, without respect had to a mediator. God being one that will by no means clear the guilty, I being guilty; God being holy, I unholy ; God a consuming fire, and I one, in respect of fin, meet to be devoured : I cannot fee God without a mediator, and live...

" 1:3. That God out of meer love, without regard to any thing in finners, has been pleas'd to choose, furnish, and send into the world the Lord Jesus Christ, as the mcdiator, thro' whom finners Inight be accepta ed of him."

; .With Respect to Christ.

Otwithstanding the frequent and lamentable IV prevalency of fin against light, againft refaluti ons, vows, engagements, Itrivings, and prayers; yet I must say, that no alteration of my condition has ever been able to shake from under a conviction of the following particulars, since the Lord firft convin. ced. .. : 1. That the Lord Jesus Christ is such a faviour, as became the grace, mercy, Jove, wisdom, holiness, righteousness, justice and power of God to provide ;


[ocr errors]

and on the other hand, fuch;a faviour, as became Sinners needs, their desires, and therefor deserves their acceptance, as fit, suitable, sufficient to save all that come to God through him,' and that even to the utermost, his blood being able to cleanse from all fin,' and the spirit sufficient to lead unto all truth.' God knows what heart refreshing sweetness I found in a view of the glory of God's wisdom, holiness, pow. er, ac in the face of Jesus Christ..

2.That I do need him in all his offices ; No time, cither when things did go ill or better as to my sense, durft I, for my soul, think of parting his offices ; God knows that my heart was as much reconcil'd to his kingly as to his priestly office ; and that it would for ever dainp and link me, were it not that he has a power, whereby he can captivate every thought to the obedience of himself ? His reigó, God knows, 1 de. sire. ... 3. I dare appeal to the searcher of hearts, that 'tis

my desire above all things to be found in Phil. ii. ' him, &c. and never doth sin reduce me to 9. 10. that pass; that I dare admitt a thought of poond the insufficiency of this way of salvation to fave me, or of having recourse to any other, or of abandoning this ; but the more that sin prevails, the more I see the excellency, fufficiency, suitableness, and indispensible necessity of this way of salvation, and of my adherence to it, rejecting all others. {'4. All my hope as to freedom from that darkness, which is my burden, is from Christ's prophetical office; and : my hope of freedom from the guilt, pollution and power of fin, and acceptation with God, arises from his priestly and kingly offices. In one word, I have no hopes of any mercy in time or eternity, but only through him ; 'tis through him I expect all, from the leaft drop of water, to the immenfe riches of glory.

*";7,:25, 1;colpo

der: As to the Law. , !!

[ocr errors]

N otwithstanding my frequent breaches of it, I IV dare take God to witness, That

1. I count all his commandments, concerning all things to be right.

2. That I desire inward, universal conformity to them all without reserve, and that in their spiritual meaning and extent, as reaching all thoughts, words and actions, and even the most minute circumstances of these. 13. That I would not desire any alteration in any of his laws, but on the contrary, do see the greatest excellency in those of them, which cross my inclinations molt ; which, - 4. Occasions at all times, when not under the immediate violent influence and hurry of some impetuous temptation, an habitual and strong desire of conformity to God's law; my heart ever breathing with the psalmist, ‘O ! that my ways were directed to keep thy statutes. .

5. Since the commencement of this affair, parti. cularly I have seen a peculiar beauty in the law, as exemplified in the life of our Lord, who' fulfill'd all righteousness,' doing always the things that pleased the father, and more particuiarly in his absolute and illimitted submissions to the divine will, even in those things which did cross the natural inclination of his innocent nature. And tho'at sometimes I could scarce teach this submission, in reference to this affair ; Yet, 1. I would be made fubmissive. 2. I look upon it as exceedingly amiable. 3. I desire it, and condemn my felf, in as far as I come short of it. . : 6. God knows, I desire to hate every evil way;' and would be free from every sin.

As to my frame and success, I can fay, I thought it issued in calmnefe and composure ; and as to this affair, contrary to my pofitive resolution, I was carried out to be more peremptory than usual, as to the fuccels tho'under fears of a refusal ; yea, tho' I had my spirit in a more submissive frame, yet now I was more peremptory as to the event, 'than when my 1 heart was most eagerly set upon the thing.

January 17, 1701, This day was fet a part by j.. and me, at parting, to be kept in order to our obtain. ing a blessing upon our marriage.

In the morning 1 began this day with prayer, wherein I did endeavour to trace back fin to my very infancy, and found the Lord countenancing me, by. bringing sin to remembrance. Lord, I have been in all lin; not one of thy commands but I have broken, and that almost in all instances, save that I have been kept from the outward acts, and no thanks to me that it is fo; for, Lord, thou knows it was only thy restrain. ing grace that kept me from any fin. O ! how ignor ant are they of their own natures, or else of how far dif ferent natures from mine, are they, that deny origin. al fin; it may be fome of them had they been acquaint. with my way and manner from my youth, would have been apt to think me of a good nature, and not given to ill; but O how ignorantare they who think so! though I had not the ensnaring influence of bad company to draw me afide, yet without temptation I was inclin'd to fin,and that againstnature's light,very early. Whatever others speak of their good natures, Lord, I must own mine sinful, and that all the imaginations of the thoughts of my heart have been only evil' from my youth up. When I look at my face in the glass of thy holy law, Lord, how black is it ? Nothing but fini, where ever I ser mine eye.

The Lord helped me to confess fin, and did there by give a fresh light of the need of Christ in all his offices, of his excellency, fufficiency and fuitableness; and drew out my soul foleninly to accept of him, re• nouncing all other ways of falvation devoring, my.

self in my station as a minister to him, waiting for, and expecting from him (according to his most gras cious promise and office as the prince exalted to give gifts to men) such supplies of gifts and grace, as are needful for my faithful acquitrance in the discharge of that office, Likewise I did folemnly devote myself in

this new relation I was to enter in, to him, pleading, ", that he would not contend with either of us for the

Lins of our lingle life, that he would make us holy,and grant us to walk before him, and that he would bless us with all the comforts of a married state, fitting us every way for one another. ;

In my second address to God by prayer, the Lord gave me much sweetness and enlargement, in reference to that particular, for which I set apart this day,

blest be God for his spirit's directing what to pray for, and allisting in praying ; I hope this shall be comfortable : When he prepares the heart to pray, he inclines the ear to hear.'

I looked on it as a part of the duty of the day, to
fearch into my state: and after serious application to
God for his spirit, that searches the deep things of
God to alift me, I pitched on the following evidences
of the Lord's gracious work upon me.
- 1. The Lord has given me by his spirit some
discovery of my sin; and here the spirit has been,
: 1. Particular; he has fix'd upon innumerable par:
ticular sins of different forts, fixing mine eye upon
time, place and circumstances. ;
. 2. He has been very full, letting me fee myself

guilty of all fin; this day he took me to all the com-
mands, and did clearly lay before me innumerable
breaches of every one.
. 3. He has discovered to me the sins of all the different
periods of my life, infancy, child-hood, and youth.

4. He has discovered to me spiritual evils, felfish-
nefs, pride, unbelief and aversion from God..
5. He has given me a broad light of the fin of my


« AnteriorContinuar »