Part IV remember on the day I took you by the hand, I thought on parting with you; but I wift not how to get my heart off you again, but now I got it done. Will not you give me to the Lord, my dear? Then feeing her very fad, he faid, my dear, do not weep, you should rather rejoice; rejoice with me, and let us exalt his name together; I'll be in the fame family with you: You must even stay a while behind, and take care of God's bairns.

In the night-time he faid, ah St. Andrews, I'm afraid 'tis coming to that with it, that the power of religion will wear quite out among Profeffors in St. Andrews, and that they'll not feek after the influences of the fpirit in ordinances.

When wakned out of fleep, he said, I'm lying pleafantly, and waiting patiently till he finish and perfect what concerns me. God is with me still, and he will be with me: I'll be cold within a little, and I long for it, I long for my diffolution. O who would not ly in this pickle till they be all washen away one faid, he'll be fore lying. He anfwered, I have no fores, he has bound up all my wounds.

The gods that the blinded nations fear are but lying vanities, but the God of Ifrael, the portion of Ifrael, is not like them.' I'm now in the hands of the king of terrors, and within a little I'll be out of them: I'm now hand in hand to grapple with the laft enemy, and I find 'tis a conquerable enemy; I'm more than a conqueror. One faid, a strange champion indeed, He answered, I! Not I, but the grace of God in me; by the grace of God I am what I am. The God of peace has bruis'd Satan under my feet. Ye fee affliction is no mark of God's difpleasure: I oft wondred how the martyrs could clap their hands in the fire; I do not wonder at it now: I could clap my hands. tho' you would hold burning candles about them and think it no hardship, tho' the flames were going round about them: And yet I would cry, and

not

not be able to bear it, if ye would but touch my toe, if the Lord withdrew.

Then he said to one, after a fhock he had, find you any alteration in my pulle with this? Anf. No, 'tis as vigorous as yesterday. Well, well, faid he, I'll wait chearfully. One faid you're well hir'd to it, as ye ufe to fay yourfelf. He anfwered, I am fo. I'll wait till I be all wafhen away; but my tongues my glory, to render the calves of my lips. God has given me my head and my tongue to praise his name I loft my fpirits: God has given me my fpirits again.

September 21ft, about three in the morning, he faid, and is it the fabbath then? This is a brave fabbath, the best that ever I had: My pleasant George on a fabbath night went into his reft? I bestewed him on my God: Bleft be his name, he made me content: I would even have given him all my bairns that way, and I hope it fhall be fo; bleft be his

name.

After a little paufe, he faid, fhall I forget Zion nay let my right hand forget her cunning, if I prefer not Jerufalem to my chiefeft joy. Oto have God returning to this church, and his work going on in the world; if every drop of my blood, every bit of my body, every hair of my head were all men; they fhould go to the fire to have this going on.

And after that, to fome he said, O firs, I could not believe that I could have born, and born chearfully this rod fo long; this is a miracle, pain without pain; and this is not a fancy of a man difordered in his brain, but of one lying in full composure. O bleft be God that ever I was born. I have a father, a mother, and ten brethren, and fifters in heaven, and I fhall be the eleventh. O bleft be the day that ever I was born, O if I were where he is, and yet for all this, God's withdrawing from me would make me as weak as water, All this I enjoy, tho' it be

miracle

miracle upon miracle, would not make me ftand without new supply from God. The thing I rejoice in is, that is altogether full, and that in the mediator Chrift Jefus there's all the fulness of the Godhead, and it will never run out.

After a while's filence, fome having heard him groaning, he faid, 'tis not for pain I'm groaning, but for the poor church of Scotland, and for the cup of indignation in the Lord's hand that's going about, I have been days, weeks and months in terror, thinking what would I do in the days of peftilence; but now I fee in him there's fafety, and that an invisible God can keep from a visible stroke; but o 'tis a ftrange thing to confider how an unbelieving heart could not truft him; but now I'm keep' in perfect peace. The name of the Lord's a strong tower ;' here's a ftrong tower: And he that dwells under the shadow of the most high shall abide, and not be afraid. O the book of God, firs, is a rich treasure, a fweet book; make all much ufe of your bibles.

A

Then to his wife, he faid, O wait upon him, for he's a good God to his own, and he never takes any thing from them, but he gives them as good, and better back again; ye'll get himself. My dear, we have had many a fweet day together; we must part for a while, but we'll meet again, and shall bave one work in the praises of God, in the praises of the lamb. Q how wonderful is it! and let my foul wonder, O to get a difcovery of him, eye to eye; 'tis fo much inliv'ning. 'Tis life eternal to know the living God and Jefus Chrift. I will not fay with Job when 'tis morning, when will it be evening? no, I dare not fay ita It will be but a little while, I'll get reft.

Then to fome prefent, he faid, do ye think that. he'll come and receive the prifoner of hope the day? Whether he do or no, holy and righteous is he, but I confefs, I long for it. This is vastly more that 'I am bearing than many deaths, and yet the Lord

bears

bears up sweetly with his power. Were it not the power of grace, nature would distract, under what I have upon me even now, but the Lord upholds me. I do not weary; but the hireling longs for his wages. He feems in his adorable wisdom to try me further, and holy and reverend is his name; he is not wanting to me. One faid, well that's enough, if he's now giving you a heavy burden to bear, he gives you fuch remarkable fupply. He faid, I defire only grace to be faithful to the death unto the Lord Jefus, unto my God, until I come to the land of praises, even to Jerufalem's gates to pay thanks to the name of the God of Jacob. One faid, you have his promife for through-bearing and he cannot fall in performing it. I hear the defluxion has been uneafie to you that night. He answered, yea, yea; but O keep me from impatience, or charging my God foolishly. One faid, 'tis weak faith that cannot believe, when it has fuch a fupport of fenfible comfort, as you have. He anfwered, the hundreth part of this trouble would have put me into a diftraction, if the Lord had not fuftained me. This is his day, 'tis his holy reft. I long for the reft; I long for this difireable reft. One faid, well, you have reached a will fubmiffive to his. He answered, it takes a great deal of hammering to polish us, and make us meet for the inheritance of the faints in light,

To his fon, he faid, my dear David, I'm lying here man, finding how good God is; and I would fain have my David, I would fain have you God's, and acquaint with his way, that when I'm dead, I may live in you, and you may tell to the generation not born, how good God is. O man, if I had you a feeker of God, I would think myself happy in it. Then a minifter afk'd, if he should pray. He anfwered, yea, yea, pray for me.

After prayer, he faid, this night my skin has burnt, my heart has panted, my body has been bruis'd on

the

the bed with weakness, and there is a fore upon mé that's racking my fpirit, and my heart has been fometimes like to fail; and yet I cannot fay, but the Lord after all this trouble holds me in health in the midst of all. If the Lord fhould give fuch fupport, and continue me years in this cafe, I have no reafon to complain. One faid, no hypocrite is able to counterfeit that language in fuch a cafe as you are in. He anfwered, 'tis a great wonder to me, as to any about me. Brother. I know not whether I may not defire you to beg of the Lord, with respect to this poor body, even to pity and to fhort'n, if it be his will, my trial; the hireling longs for his wages; but I have reafon to do it with fubmiffion.

Thereafter, he faid, my body has got fuch a hurt, that I believe I will fearce recover it; and that's the thing that keeps all my body in a fire. The panting for want of breath is over; but O'tis the mercy of God that keeps me compos'd, This trouble of my bowels draws my ftomach, and altogether as if it were: with cords: And yet I muft fay, what am I, and what's my father's houfe, that God has brought me hitherto one faid, you've refign'd yourself to his will and pleasure; and he'll ftrengthen you with pa tience; he gives ftrength for the burden. He anfwered, he has done it hitherto, I have a heart warm to God, and I have a carnal heart too. One faid, corruption will remain while in the body. He answered, but I long to be away, to get a deliverance. One faid in due time that'll come. Then he faid I'm lying here, and the Lord helps me to wait for that confolation that's in Christ, that will fill me with admiration to eternity: But I have already the pleasant peaceable fruits of righteoufnefs, and sweet compofure. I had what was worse than a thousand deaths, and he has held me by the hand.

To the minifter he faid, the Lord has been ftill with me. I'm carnal but I long for a deliverance:

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