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had nor refolved to comply with, because perhaps it was, on fome account or other, dear, than I refolved to compound the matter, and make amends fome other way and beg a licence for that, like Naaman, 2 Kings v. 17, 18. Thy fervant will henceforth of 'fer neither burnt offering, nor facrifice unto other 'gods but unto the Lord. In this thing the Lord par'don thy fervant, that when my master goeth into 'the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he 'leaneth on my hand, and I bow myfelf down, in the

houfe of Rimmon.' 3dly, When any mark was offered, that I could not shift, nor pretend unto, then I was ready to question, whether he that offered it were not mistaken, and fecretly queftioned the truth,' following the measures fatan took with Eve; Gen. iii. 1, 4. Yea hath God faid, ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden.' And again, Ye fhall not furely die.' 4thly, When I could not fee, not thro' the want of fufficient light, but through my unwillingnefs to admit it. I was ready to quarrel that minifters and books did not tell me piainly. John. x. 24. Then came the Jews round about him, and faid 'unto him, How long doft thou make us to doubt. If thou be the Chrift tell us plainly. Jefus anfwer'ed them, I told you and you believed not' 5thly, Sometimes when I was gravelled with a mark I promifed it a hearing at a more convenient feafon, and fo like Felix fhifted the trouble for the time Acts xxiv. 25. 6thly, Sometimes I would flip over thefe things that made against me. Acts, xvii. 32. 'He that doth ' evil, cometh not to the light, because his deeds are evil, left they should be reproved. John ii. 20. 7thly. I carefully fought for the loweft marks, and the leaft degrees of grace that might be faving. I defigned only as much Religion as would take me to heaven; and therefor I fill enquired with the young man," What good thing fhall I do that I may inherit eternal life? Mat xix. 16. I defired no more than would do this,

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ferve this turn; and any thing that would ferve this, provided my beloved lufts were fpared, I would with him refolve upon. 8thly, When none of thefe shifts would avail in the general, I would refolve upon doing any thing that the Lord required, like him that faid, Luke ix. 57, 58. Mafter, I will follow thee whitherfoever thou goeft' But then with him, I ftill retracted when the Lord, as he oft did, did tell me of particulars he would try me in, which were cross to my inclination. 9thly When I faw I behoved to quit thefe of which the Lord oft convinced me, then I begged a little respite or delay, and I would comply; Auguftin-like, I was content to be holy, but not yet.' And another alfo faid, Luke ix. 61, 62. Lord, I will follow thee, but let me firft go bid them farewell which are at home at my houfe. And Jefus 'faid,No man having put his hand to the plough and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.' An excufe, a delay in God's account, is a plain refusal : For all commands and invitations require present obedience; 2 Cor vi 2. Now is the accepted time. Now is the day of falvation. Heb iii. 15. And today if will hear his voice; harden not your you hearts. 1othly, After all ways were tried, I found no relief. I blamed my education. I knew there was fome change, my queftion was whether it were the right one: Now, thought I, if I had not been religiously educated, but had turned all at once, it would have been more easily discernable: Thus I was in. tangled in my own ways. Ifa. lix. 9, 10. We wait for light, but behold obfcurity; for brightness but we walk in darknefs We grope for the wall like the blind and we grope as if we had no eyes: We 'ftumble at noon-day as in the night, we are in defolate places as dead men.' And the true reafon of my ftrait was, I was fcorning, and not really defirous of light,unless it had been to my mind.Pfalm lxxxii. 5. They know not, neither will they understand; they

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w: lk on in darkness Prov. xiv, 6. The fcorner • feeketh wisdom, and findeth it not. Many other deceits and shifts my heart used, which now at fo great a distance I cannot remember. But thefe are the principal which do occur upon reflection; and in them how evident is it, That the heart is deceit. ful above all things, and defperately wicked. Who 'knows or can know it. Jer. xvii. 9.' ́

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6 Though now I feemed fometimes to have gone. far, yet really I was wholly wrong: For, 1ft, All this while being convinced of the neceffity of a righteoufnefs, but ignorant of Chrift,' I fought it by the works

of the law. Rom x. 3, 2dly, The carnal mind that ' is enmity against God, and is not fubject to the law ' of God, ftill continued. Rom viii. 7. 3diy, All my exercise was only a toffing betwixt light and love to fin: And fin ftill carried it; for my bofom idols I would by no means part with. 4thly, Self was the animating principle of any form of religion that I had. So much of it, as would fave me from hell, or take me to heaven, and no more I defired. 5thly, All this religion came and went with the occafions mentioned: It was not abiding.

7. Providentially about this time Clarks Martyrology was caft into my hand. I loved hiftory, and read it greedily. And fome impreffions it left on me, that wanted not their own ufe now and afterwards: ift, The patience, joy, and courage of the Martyrs, perfuaded me that their was a power, a reality in religion, beyond the power of meer nature, dly. I was convinced that I was a ftranger as yet to this, becaufe, I could not think of fuffering. 3dly, I was brought to fome faint defires, after acquaintance with this power of religion Dan. iii. 28, 29. Then Nebuchadnezzar fpake and faid, bleffed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.There is no other God that can deliver after this fort.' Oft was I in reading this book, at Ba'aams wish, G 3

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Let me die the death of the righteous, and let my laft end be like his. Num. xxiii. 10.' But like him, I loved not their life

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8. I obferve, that at this time, 1ft, God reftrained me from many follies others run into, and I was much inclined to, by my bodily infirmity, a trouble in my joints, which made me unable to go. Thus he hedged in my way, Hof. ii. 6.' That I fhould not find my lovers, 2dly, The Lord in mercy provided me comrades, that were tender of me, and took care of me. He fed me, and led me, though I knew

him not. Hof. ii. 8 .lsa. xlv. 5. Jer. ii. 17. 3dy, So far was I from being thankful, that my proud heart fretted, that I was kept from these things other followed. I would have been at rejoicing in my strength; and vex'd I was, that I had an occafion of glorying cut off. And I was not thankful either for the Lord's cutting off by this means many occafions of fin; nor for his mercy in providing perfons to take care of me. O what reafon have I to fay, The Lord is good to the unthankful and evil. Luke vi. 35.

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CHA P. IV.

Containing an account of the progress of the Lord's work, the ftraits I was reduced to, and the courfes 1 took for relief, from May 1693, when I left Edinburgh, till I went to the family of Wemyss, Auguft 1696.

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'HE air agreeing neither with my mother nor me, she was adviced, and at length refolved to leave Edinburgh, and go to St Andrews, a place more wholesome, and more convenient for my education, to which he always had a special regard. Here I cannot but obferve the remarkable kindness of the Lord in guiding me, though then I took no notice of it. Ifa. xlv. 5. I am the Lord, and there is none elfe, there is no God befide me : I girded thee though thou haft not known me.' 1, At a

time when my heart inclined me most to folly, and by my entring to the college, I was expofed to many temptations to it, the Lord feafonably laid his hand on me, and trysted me with trouble, that was a mean to restrain me, and keep me from contracting any intimacy with thofe, whofe converfe might have proven prejudicial to me, and to engage me to choose fobber comrades. Deut. viii. 5. Thou shalt alfo confider in thine heart, that as a man chaftneth his fon, fo the Lord thy God chaftneth thee. Again, 2dly, This indifpofition, during the first two months of my stay at the College, being only in my joints, did not hinder, but further my ftudies; and the Lord provided one who, though a stranger, and under no fpecial obligations, yet attended me as clofs as he had been my fervant, and was as tender of me as if he had been my brother. During this time, I made a greater proficiency in the Latin Tongue,then ever I had formerly done; the Regent I was under being very fkilful in teaching it, and attending very carefully. After this time he fell ill, and was not capable to attend; and I fell ill, and was thereby obliged to remove to St. Andrews, which was much to my advantage. For I came under the care of Mr. Thomas Taylor, a man very capable, and very careful of, and kind to me. And the class I left was broke quite, the Regent continuing indifpofed that year, and falling next year into a frenzy. Thus the Lord chafed me from place to place for my good, and every where provided me friends. Deut. xxxii 10. He found him in a defert land, and in the waste and howling Wilderness: He led him about and instructed him, he keept him as the apple of his eye. But God's kindness in guiding to places for my good, and keeping from inconveniencies, Snares and dangers, into which others fell, had no effect on, nor were they noticed by me. Jer. ii. 6, 7. Neither faid they, Where is the Lord that brought us up out of the land

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