of Egypt, that led us through the wilderness, through a Land of deferts, and of pits, through a land of drought, and of the fhadow of death. And I brought you into a plentiful country, to eat the fruit thereof, and the goodness; but when ye entred ye defiled my land, and made mine heritage an abomination. -Then 2. When I fettled at St. Andrews, the Lord left not his work, and striving with me: But the fame fovereign grace that begun, went on with it.-Ezek. xx. 6, 8, 9. 1 lifted up my hand unto them, to bring them out of the land of Egypt. But they rebelled against me, and would not hearken unto me.faid 1, I will pour out my fury upon them. wrought for my Name's fake. Ezek. xxxvi. 32. Not for your fakes do I this, faith the Lord God, be it known unto you: Be alhamed and confounded for your ways, O houfe of Ifrael. -But I 3 Here the Lord caft my lot under choice means of grace, the Miniftry of worthy Mr. Thomas For refter; under this fearching Miniftry, the Lord begun to give me fome fmall difcoveries of the more fecret and spiritual evil of my heart and carried me Ezek. viii. 12. into the fecret chambers of imagery, to let me fee what my heart did in the dark. 1 ft, He opened mine eyes to difcern fomewhat of that world of pride that is in the heart, and the wickedness of it. Though I was fome way convinced of my own weaknefs, when I had any difficulty more than ordinary before me, and would feek help from God, yet when I got through, I valued myfelf upon my acquittance. Of the wickedness and unjustness of this, the Lord in fome meafure convinced me; I Coriv.. What haft thou, O man, that thou haft not received? And if thou haft received, wherefore doft thou boast?' 2dly, He convinced me of the wickedness of the ftraying of my heart after Idols, efpecially in the time of worship: Ezek xi, 21. But as for them whofe heart walked after the heart of their • deteftable 7. making this covenant, was quickly loft by breaking it. Corruption retaining ftill its power, its locks not being yet cut, whenever a temptation offered; Judg. xvi. 21. like Sampon upon a cry of the Philistines being on him, it broke all thofe ties, with which I foolishly,like his deceived miftrefs, thought it bound: Like the children of Ifrael at Sinai,* I engaged fair ly, and herein thought all right; but when I came to Kibrothhattaavah, which was the next Station in their way through the wilderness, and a temptation fell in my way, I felt a murmuring, loathing the Manna, and lufting after the flesh, and this broke all. The Lord's wrath hereon being afresh intimated against me, as it was against them on that occafion. 2. Not only upon fuch breaches met I with new challenges,but old ones were reviv'd; and by this I found former accounts ftill to be ftanding against me, which fill'd me with confufion and jealoufies of thefe ways. Jer. ii. 22. For though thou wash thee with nitre and take the much sope, yet thine iniquity is marked before me faith the Lord. 3. The Lord infinuated fome discoveries of the treachery of my engagements; let me fee how my heart was not found, and how there were fecret referves in my engagments for fome fins from which my heart was not divorced ; though yet I remember, that at the time I made thofe engagements, when my heart put in for fparing thefe, my light forc'd me, as it were for the prefent, though not without reluctancy, to give them up, at leaft in words; but really I did not do it. Now the Lord gave fome intimations of this heart-treachery, which when further difcovered by the event, my coTenant could not quiet me about: Deut. v. 29. They have well spoken all that they have faid. O that there pere fuch a heart in them. 4. The Lord let loofe fome * Deat. v. 27. &c, compared with Numb. xxxiii. 16. and Numb. xi. 34. God there; I faid, Deut. v. 23. 28. All that the Lord our God shall fay unto us, we will hear and do it:' And like the Scribe that came to Christ. Luke ix. 57. Mafter I will follow thee whitherfoever thou goest.' 5. When I had once done this, then I concluded all was right; For, 1. I found a fort of a prefent peace. Ammendment I thought fufficient attonement, and fuch an engagement I looked on as performance. I now faid, Prov. 7. 14. I have peaceofferings with me: this day I have paid my vows. 2. I at this time found frequently an unusual sweetness in hearing of the word; efpecially in hearing Mr. Forrefter lecture on Acts xiii. 43. on the fabbathnight. Here as I received fometime the most piercing convictions, 1 Cor. xiv. 25. fo I received Tastes of the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come. Heb vi. 5. This like the ftony ground, I heard the word, and anon with joy received it. Matth. xiii. 20. 3. Common gifts increafing as light grew, I took them for special grace, and thus have taken up with the foolish Virgins, the lamp of a profeffion without Oil. Matth. xxv. I. I began to fet up for a Virgin too, and like fuch I began to be efteemed by fomeof them for that which really I was not, but only appear'd to be. 6. But the merciful and good God would not fuffer me to rest here. Fer. ii. 35, 36, 37. Yet thou fayeft, Because I am innocent, furely his anger fhall turn from me. Behold I will plead with thee, because thou fayeft, I have not finned. Why gaddest thou about fo much to change thy way? Thou alfo fhalt be afham'd of Egypt, as thou waft afham'd of Affyria. Yea thou fhalt go forth from him, and thine hands upon thine head: For the Lord hath ' rejected thy confidences, and thou shalt not prof-, per in them.' The Lord quickly let me fee my miftake; For, 1 The imaginary peace that I had by making this covenant, was quickly loft by breaking it. Corruption retaining still its power, its locks not being yet cut, whenever a temptation offered; Judg. xvi. 21. like Sampfon upon a cry of the Philistines being on him, it broke all thofe ties, with which I foolishly,like his deceived mistress, thought it bound: Like the children of Ifrael at Sinai,* I engaged fair ly, and herein thought all right; but when I came to Kibrothhattaavah, which was the next Station in their way through the wilderness, and a temptation fell in my way, I felt a murmuring, loathing the Manna, and lufting after the flesh, and this broke all. The Lord's wrath hereon being afresh intimated against me, as it was against them on that occafion. 2. Not only upon fuch breaches met I with new challenges,but old ones were reviv'd; and by this I found former accounts ftill to be ftanding against me, which fill'd me with confufion and jealoufies of thefe ways. Jer. ii. 22. For though thou wash thee with nitre and take the much sope, yet thine iniquity is marked before me faith the Lord. 3. The Lord infinuated fome difcoveries of the treachery of my engagements; let me fee how my heart was not found, and how there were fecret referves in my engagments for fome fins from which my heart was not divorced; though yet I remember, that at the time I made thofe engagements, when my heart put in for fparing thefe, my light forc'd me, as it were for the prefent, though not without reluctancy, to give them up, at leaft in words; but really I did not do it. Now the Lord gave fome intimations of this heart-treachery, which when further discovered by the event, my coVenant could not quiet me about: Deut. v. 29. They have well spoken all that they have faid. O that there were fuch a heart in them. 4. The Lord let loofe fome. * Deat. v. 27. &c, compared with Numb. xxxiii. 16. and Numb. xi. 34. fome corruptions like the Canaanites to try me, took off the restraints, and then like water damm'd in, they became more violent and troublesome, and at length bore down all that I had fet in their way: By thefe means the Lord let me fee the fruitleffness and vanity of this covenant, which however fpecious like, was indeed but a covenant with death: And by the discovery I was put into the utmost confufion, while the evil, I thought I was provided against came upon me: Ifa. xxviii. 19. 20. From the time that it go eth forth it fhall take you: For morning by mornning shall it pass over, by day and by night, and it fhall be a vexation only to understand the re· port. For the bed is fhorter, than that a man can tretch himself on it: And the covering narrow⚫er,than he can wrap himfelf in it. This I found veri fied to my fad experience, 7. Notwithstanding the felt vanity of thefe legal, felfish, anti-evangelical courfes, I ftill cleaved to them: For, 1. The peace I loft by breaking, I still endeavoured to recover by renewing my covenant, trusting myfelf in the greatnefs of my way, and laboured in the fire. My heart when I was defeat, gave me fuch advice as the king of Syria, got from his fervants, when he was defeat by Ifrael; Number an army like thou hast last, horfe for horfe, and chariot for chariot, and we will fight against them in the plain, and furely we shall be stronger than they. 1 Kings. xx. 25. I laid the blame still on fome accidental defect in my former management, and I thought were that provided againft, all would be well. 2. When ftill I found fome. thing wanting, I caft about in my own mind, and contriv'd to make it up with fomething extraordinary of my own, the multiplication of duties, or fome fuch thing or other. Micah vi. 6, 7. Wherewith fhall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before the high God? Shall I come before him with burnt-offerings, with calves of a year old? Will the |