low fcripture to be its own interpreter, 'tis fafer, at leaft in these things that concern our own natural ftate, which confcience may know, to admit experience to comment, rather than reafon proceeding upon abstract notions: And where fcripture and experience join, there we have the fulleft confirmation of the truths that are established in the mouth of two fuch witnesses; the laft not only confirming, but illuftrating the teftimony of the former. If they fay, that their hearts are not fo perverfe and ill inclin'd, and that they find inclinations to good in them; I cannot fay fo of mine: Yet by the way I must observe, that in their practise they go feldom further,if fo far as others, who agree with me in owning their hearts fo wicked, their corruptions fo ftrong, their wills deprived, and fet upon evil, that they can do nothing well-pleafing to God: Now furely if matters are as they reprefent them, they are far to blame. As for me, I find more folid truth in that one fcripture, that tells us, that the heart is deceitful above all things and defperately wicked, Jer. xvii. 9. than in many volumes of idle antifcriptural notions reared up on the fubtil arguings of men, whose eyes have never yet been opened to fee the plagues of their own hearts, and who therefore run out in afferting fuch an ability and power, and inclination to good in man, as neither fcripture, nor the experience of fuch as have their eyes in the leaft measure opened, admits of. However if others will think that there are fuch good inclinations in them, I must quite my part in them. Woful experience convinces me, and obliges me to acknowledge to my own fhame, that I never look'd toward the Lord's way, fave when he drew me; Jer xxxi. 18. I was as a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke; I never went longer in it than the force lafted; I inclin'd to fit down, and fat indeed down at every step; no great fign I had any heart to the way ! I never got up again, but when the Lord's power was of new put forth. I all D 4

this

Part II. this while never went on ftept but with a grudge, Gen xix. 26. Ifrequently looked back to Sodom, I have been as a backfliding heifer. I was griev'd for what I left behind; my heart cleave to what my light had the greatest oppofition to: Job xxiv. 13. Thus I was of them that rebel against the light; I oft refus'd where the command was plaineft; When I was brought into a strait, I betook myfelf rather to any fhift, than to Chrift; Prov. xxviii. 16. Sin bit me, and yet I lov'd it; my heart deceived me oft and yet I trufted in it rather than God, Jer. xvii. 5. 7. God dealt with me in a way of kindness, but when he spoke to me in my profperity, I would not hear: Ifa lvii. 17. He Imote me and I went on frowardly. I never parted with any fin till God beat and drave me from it, and hedged in my way. Surely this looks like the heart deceitful above all things, and defperately wicked. Jer xvii. 9.

2. The forgoing exercise clears what a depth of deceitfulness is in the heart ofman. How many shifts has my heart ufed to elude the design of all these Strivings of the Lord's fpirit with me? What ftrange fhifts has the heart of man, and how many are they? I have told many, but the one half is not told. All these fhifts refpect but one point in religion, If one would undertake to give an account but of thofe deceits, which are more noted, with respect to the whole of his walk and way, how many volumes might he write. There is much true divinity couch'd in that fhort fcripture. Jer xvii. 9. The heart is deceitful above all things, who can know it? Who can understand his errors? Pfalm xix. 12. When I upon areview mind fo many, how many more might I have noticed if I had obferved them in the time, or foon after ? And if fo many may be feen, how many fecret, undifcernable, or at leaft undecerned deceits are, there?

3. How far may we go in religion, and yet come

fhort

fhort? Many things I feemed to have and do: Mark vi. 20. I did many things, and heard gladly; I was ' almost perfwade i to be a christian. Acts xxvi. 28. I feemed to elcape the pollutions that are in the world by the knowledge of the truth. 2 Pet. ii. 20. 'I feemed enlightned, and partaker of the heavenly "gift, and got some taftes of the good word of God, ' and the powers of the world to come.' Heb vi. 5. I underwent many changes, and yet all the while was naught, defective, as to the main: Many fhall leek to enter in, and shall not be able. Luke xiii. 24. Not every on that fays, Lord, Lord, fhall en" ter into the kingdom of God. Matth vii. 21.

4. I cannot but look back with wonder, to the aftonishing patience of God that fuffered my manners Acts xiii. 18 fo long, and the steadiness he fhews in purfuing his work, notwithstanding many provocations to defift, ftill working for his name's jake. Ezek XX 14. All the creation could not have afforded fo much patience The difciples of Chrift would have called for fire from heaven, Luke ix. 54. Yea Mofes the meekest man on earth, would have found more to irritate him here, than at Meribah. Numb. xx. 13. Glory to God, that we have to do with him, and not with man. His ways are not our ways. Nor his thoughts ours. But as the heavens are high above the earth, fo are his ways and thoughts of mercy above ours.' Ifa. lv. 8.

5. I must bear witnefs to the rationalness of God's way; For 1. These things he put me under concern about, deliverance from wrath, eternal falvation, and fecurity about them, were fuch as my own reafon, upon the best attention, could not but own worthy of the utmost and first concern. He did not call me to vex myself about vanity, and the things of no importance. 2. The way he dealt with me in, was not deftructive to the nature of my faculties, but improv ed them. He enlightned my eyes to fee what he would

have me do, and he forced not my will, but fway'd it in a way fuitable to its nature to a compliance, fo far as I went. This was not to force, but gently to bend the will to these things that really were proper for it to incline to. 3. He always obferved the true order of the faculties. He fway'd the will fo far, as it went in compliance with his work, by fending forth his light into the mind, that in the true order of things, should guide the understanding. 4. He carried me on to confideration. He did not feek, as it were, to entangle the affections, and by them carry my mind away in a hurry, as fin and fatan are wont to do, who guide finners, as the Philiftines did Samfon, they firft put out their eyes,and then made them grind in their mill. 5. The Lord never obliged me to part with any way, any fin, or refuge I betook myself to, till he had let me fee, that it was not only against my duty, but my true intereft. 6. So far as I complied with his call, I cannot say that his way was fruitlefs, or that he was a barren wilderness, or a land of drought Jer. ii. 31. The meanest and most fecklefs piece of compliance wanted not its reward. Mal. i. 10. Who is there among you that would fhut the doors for nought: Neither do ye kindle fire on mine altar for nought. Thus the Lords work was power,not force. He drew, but it was with the cords of love, and bands of a man. Hof. xi. 4. He bid me quit many things, but they were vain things that were no bread. Ifa. Iv. 2.

Remember this and fhew yourselves men: Bring it again to mind O ye tranfgreffors. O houfe of Ifrael are not my ways equal? Are not your ways unequal? Yet ye fay, the way of the Lord is not equal.' Ezek xviii. 25.

6. Though it was congruous to reason, yet it was a work far above the power of nature. I cannot afcribe its rife, or progrefs to myself; for it was what I fought not, I thought not of, I lik'd not, yea, I hated it, I fear'd, I avoided, I fhifted it; and when all this

would

would not do, I oppofed it. For I was of thofe that rebel against the light. Job. xxiv. 13. I cannot afcribe it to any outward means. There are many parts of it which they did not reach, The most feasible fail'd, the weakest wrought the effect. Neither ftrong nor weak, had always the like effect. But the work was carried on by a fecret indifcernible power of him who is like the wind blowing where it lifteth John iii. 8. The work bears an imprefs of God in all its steps, the word that awakned me was, the voice of him that makes the dead to hear, John v. 25. that calleth things that are not as if they were Rom iv. 17. The light that fhone, was the candle of the Lord fearching, yea, piercing unto the hidden parts of the belly, Prov. xx. 27. tracing a deceitful and unfearchable heart into all its turnings and windings. Jer. xvii. 10. The work was that of one who is every where, and who knows every thing, and is of one' mind, Job xxiii. 13. and fo not to be turned; who will not faint, nor be difcouraged till he have brought forth judgment unto victory. The work is uniform, tho' variously carried on through many interruptions, over many oppofitions, for a long tract of time, by means feemingly weak, improper and contrary, fuitable only for him whose ways are in the fea, and whofe paths are in the great waters, and whole footfteps are not known. In a word it was a bush burning and not confumed only by the prefence of God. Exod. iii. 3. It was a spark in the midst of an ocean maintain'd, notwithstanding floods continually powred on it, to exftinguish it. This flame was maintained by oil fecretly conveyed into it. Pfal. cxviii. 23. This is the doing of the Lord, and it is wondrous in our • eyes.

PART.