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PART III.

Containing an account of the progress of the Lord's work, for the pace of about three years infuing, frem Auguft 1696, to June 1699; The dreadful ftrait I was at laft brought to with my outgate, and the fate of matters with me for fome time after this.

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Giving an account of the progress of my convictions temptations, and vain reliefs, from the time I went to the Wemyss, till I was at the last brought to this utmost extremity.

I.

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Hen I had ftudied Philofophy three years, being tickled with it, and fome what puffed up with what progrefs I had made, and defign'd and expected to make. (Though I muft own that ftill as knowlege increas'd, felf-conceit decreas'd: and I apprehended I knew more the first year than ever I thought I knew afterwards.) Being thus, prepared, I defign'd to go abroad, and improve myself further, to which alfo I was advised; but two things broke this project, my mother would not confent; and the former exercife having brought me into bondage through fear of death, I was afraid to run the hazards I must run of my life, fo long as I was in fo unfettled a cafe as to my foul's state: Wherefor upon the motion of fome friends, I confented rather to engage Chaplain to a family for fome time.

2. Accordingly, August 1696,I went to the Wemyss. When I came here, a stranger amongst strangers and perfons of confiderable quality, by my natural bashfulness, the cenforioufnefs of my auditors, the publickness of the appearances I was oblig'd to make, to

which formerly I had not been accuftom'd, my want of breeding, and the like, I was, for a time, in a very great, ftrait, forc'd to retiredness, and to petition forhelp how to carry: And though it was my own, not' the Lord's honour I defign'd, and was concern'd for," yet he that hears the cry of the Ravens, Job xxxviii. 41. Pfalm cxlvii. 9. and would not overlook Ahab's humiliation, 1 Kings xxi 29. and the Ninevites repentance, Jonah iii. 10. did not fail me in my ftraits, but helped, fo far as was neceffary, to maintain the refpect due to the ftation I was in, and to obtain kind*nefs,

3. During the first half year or so, that I was here, I was fomewhat diverted from my main work, being oblig'd to study what was neceffary for my accom plishment for converfe in the world. But ftill. I held on, and the more difficulty I met with, I keept the cloffer to the form of religion I had taken up. Besides, Row my station call'd and oblig'd me to fomewhat more. But leaving this, which is only introductory, I proceed to that which is mainly and only defign'd in this narrative,

4. I had not long been here, when I was often neceffarily, and frequently without fufficient neceffity, engag'd in debates about the truth of religion, the divinity of the fcriptures, and the most important doctrines delivered in them, whereby I was drawn to read the writings of deifts, and other enemies to religion, that I might be acquaint with the arguments, whereby these I fometimes had occafion to difpute with, oppofed the truth. As to the iffue of thofe arguings, with refpect to others, I fhall here wave it, becaufe others are concern'd in it; only I may fay, I found, it true, Tit. iii. 9. That foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law, are unprofitable, and vain. 2 Tim. iii. 13. For evil men and feducers wax worfe and worse, deceiv

ing and being deceived. 2 Tim. ii. 16. And profane and vain bablings do increafe unto more ungodliness. And to my fad experience I found, 2 Tim ii. 17. That their word doth eat, as doth a canker, or gangrene. It is of an infectious and contagious nature. And therefor 'tis fafeft to fhun, avoid them and follow the wife man's advice, Prov. ix. 6. To forfake the foolish and live; Prov. xiv. 7. and depart from a foolish man when we perceive not in him the lips of knowlege; Prov. xix. 27. and ceafe from the instruction that caufes to err from the word of knowlege.

5. This was of very dangerous confequence to me, and could not prove otherwise to one in my cafe. For,

1. I was not rooted and grounded in the truth, Eph. iii. 17. Col. ii. 7. being neither notionally inftructed in the grounds whereon the fcripture is received, nor acquainted practically with its power, and fo was naked of that armour of light, Rom. xiii. 11. that is neceffary toward a conflict with fuch encmies. 2. The power of that enmity and darkness Col. i. I 3. which incline the vain mind of man to reject and carp at the truths of God as Folifhnefs, 1 Cor. ii. 14. ftill remained unsubdued; and fo I was Eph. iv. 14. as the children who are tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine. 3. The objections I found ftarted were many, ftruct at the foundations, 1 John ii. 9 were new and furprizing to one who was fo unfettled, and were drefs'd up by the flight and cunning craftiness of them who ly in-wait to deceive. Eph. iv. 14. 4 I was not acquaint with that watchfulness, vigilance, and humble fobriety, that was neceffary to prevent Satan's gaining any advantage. 5; Hereon Satan finding fo fair an occafion, flipt it not; for he goes about 1 Pet. v. 8. fecking fuch feafons; and finding things thus, he improved it to my great difquictment.

6. The

6. The adverfary finding all things thus prepar'd, fet on me furiously, and imploy'd many against me. 1. He wrought up the natural Atheism, darkness, and enmity of my heart, to vent itfelf against the truths of religion, in foolish enquiries, Is it fo? Pfalm lxxiii, 11. How can these things be? John iii. 9. And what authority haft thou, fince thou requireft fuch things? 2. He imploy'd fome who had all advantages, Matth. xi. 28. and were the most likely to prevail, perfons fmooth, fober, and who oppofed the rational arguments; fuch fometimes the devil makes ufe of, who feem themfelves not far from the kingdom of God, Mark xii. 34. like the Scribe who answered and question'd our Lord civilly, whofe Words are smoother than butter, while war is in their heart. Pfalm lv. 21. And these are usually more prevalent; for with their fair Speeches they deceive the hearts of the fimple. Rom. xvi. 18. 3. He himself acted fometimes the fubtile ferpent, putting and fuggefting fubtile queries, Gen. iii. 1. Hath God faid fo? And fometimes he threw in firey darts to inflame and diforder me. Eph. vi. 11, 12, 16. Thus I found when I was alone, when I was in prayer and most ferious, hellish oaths, and grievous blafphemous fuggeftions caft forcibly into my mind, which made me tremble. No wonder he should deal fo with me, when he impudently fuggefted to him in whom he had nothing, John xiv. 30. fuch blafphemous propofals, as that of falling down to worship him. Matth. iv. 9.

7. By all these ways he affaulted me, and I was grievously tofs'd about all the truths of religion. 1. The being of God was again brought in queftion: The enemy faid daily, Where is thy God? Pfalm xlii. 3, 10. And the Atheism of my heart faid alfo, There is no God, and who is the Lord? Pfalm xiv. 1, Exod. v. 2. I was affaulted about his providence, and all the diforders of the world were urged to my great diftur.

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bance. Pfalm lxxiii, 2--13. As for me, my feet. were almoft gone: My fteps had well nigh flipt. The ungodly profper in the world, they increase in riches, and therefor his people return hither, ⚫ Waters of a full cup are wrung out to them: And they fay, How doth God know? And is there 'knowlege in the moft High? 3. I was affaulted as to the truth of the word, and many ways troubled about it; when I read, when I thought about it, I was ply'd hard with grievous fuggeftions fometimes: The want of fufficient evidence was complain'd of; John vi. 30. What sign shewest thou then, that we may fee and believe thee? What dost thou work? At other times it was blam'd, one while, of obfcurity, John x. 24. How long doft thou make us doubt? If thou be the Chrift tell us plainly. And anon another fuggeftion was clapt in against fome paffages as hard; this is a hurd faying who can hear it? John vi. 60. When this took not, it was accufed in fome places of plain Blafphemy. He hath spoken blafphemy,-re have heard his blafphemy. Matth. xxvi. 65. It was blam'd as contradictory to itself. John xii 34. We have heard out of the law, that Chrift abideth for ever; and how fayeft thou, The Son of Man must be lift. up? Its promifes were call'd in question, 2 Pet. iii, 4. Where is the promise of his coming? As were alfo its threats; Ezek xii. 22. every vifion faileth, Jer. xvii. 15. "Behold they fay unto me, Where is the 'word of the Lord? Let it come now.' This was I daily perplexed,in fo much that it was a terror fometimes for fear of thefe fuggeftions to look into the Bible. 4. The myflery of the gofpei was particu. larly fet upon, and reprefented as Foolishness, 1 Cor. i. 22. as fetting up new gods, Acts xvii. 18. and oft was I put to answer, John iii. 9. How can these things be?'

8. The fubtile enemy who had often follicited me to high thoughts of myself, now when he found it for

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