Imágenes de páginas
PDF
EPUB

ed my foul, and put all my faculties in a due pofture, as it were, and gave me the execife of them. It deftroyed not, but improved my former knowlege. These particulars might be explained, and further amplified: But the nature of this narrative, and the brevity defigned in it, will not allow me to infift; and I the more willingly ftop here, and forbear to give any more large account of my small experience of this light; because I know, that no words can express the notion, that the weakest Chriftian, who has his eyes open'd,really has of its glory. The true notion of light is not conveyed by the ear. The ear tries words, the mouth Tufte meats: Job xii. 11. But it is the eye that beholds the fun. Eph. v. 13. No words can convey a true notion of light to the blind. And he that has eyes, at least while he fees it, will need no words to defcribe it. It manifefts itself, and other things. 'Tis like the new name, that none knows fave he who has it. And they who really fee, but becaufe their light is weaker, and Satan raises mifts to obfcure it, will be more capable of judging of it by its effects, than by any accounts of its nature: Therefor, I fhall forbear to speak any more, of that and now proceed to account for the effects whereby its reality and difference from former light will more obviously, evident ly, and convincingly appear. However, at least, while this fhining brightnefs lafted, this one thing it convinced me fully of, and made me certainly know, that whereas I was blind now I fee. John ix. 25.

7. The firft difcernible effect of this discovery was, an approbation of God's way of faving finners by Jefus Chrift, to the praife of the glory of his grace, which I take to be the true fcriptural notion of juftifying faith; for this not only answers the fcripture defcriptions of it, by receiving, coming to him, looking to him trusting and believing in him, &c. John i. 12. Matth. xi. 28. Heb, xii. 2. Pfalm ix 10. But it really gives him that glory Rom, iv. 20, that be de-1

F 3

fign'd

fign'd by all this contrivance, the glory of his wifdom, grace, mercy, and truth. Now this discovery of the Lord's name brought me to truft in him and glory only in the Lord: I found my foul fully fatisfied in thefe difcoveries, as pointing out a way of relief altogether, and in all refpects fuitable to the need of a poor,guilty, felf-condemned, felf-deftroyed finner, beat from all other reliefs, and who has his mouth stopp'd before God, after he has spent all his fubftance to no purpose upon other phyficians. Mark. v. 26, In this I refted as a way full of peace, comfort, fecurity and fatisfaction, as providing abundantly for all thofe ends I defired to have fecured. And this approbation was not merely for a fit, but ever after in all temptations it difcovered itself. 1. By keeping me up in a fix'd affent, and adherence of mind to, and perfuafion of this truth, That God has given to us eternal life, and this life is only in his Son. 1 John v. 11. 2. When afterwards I was under temptations, follicited to go away and feck relief in other ways, it ftill kept me conftant in a firm refolute rejection of all other ways of relief, and renounciation of all propofals that led to them, even when I found not the prefent comfort of this way; I ever held at that with Ephraim, What bave I any more to do with idols? Hof, xiv. 8. And with the difciples, I ftill faid. To whom shall I go? Thou haft the words of eternal life, John vi. 68. 3. In all my after-exercifes about guilt, my foul counted all things but lols that it might win Christ, and geta new discovery of him: Phil. iii. 8. When challenges disturbed, when thoughts of an appearance to judg ment were fuggefted, when ever I was in a ftrait this was the only fanctuary I took relief in: Let me be found in him not having mine own righteousness but his, Phil, iii. 9. if this is obtained I am fafe; and nothing befides this could make me think myfelf fo. 4, Whenever the Lord did anew difcover the glory of this way, by a beam of fresh light, whatever my dif

trefs

trefs was before, it ftill compofed all, commanded a calm, answered challenges, and gave me boldness and accefs to God with good hope, as to all other things through grace; 2 Thef. ii. 16, then I rejoiced in Chrift Jefus, Rom, v. 2. Phil. iii, 3. and nothing elfe was able to disturb me while this view lafted. 5. When ever I was wrong, yet I still rested satisfied, That a discovery of the Lord in his own light would fet all right again: And therefor I was ever at that, that I knew where I might find him. Job xxiii. 3. I knew, though he might make fin bitter, yet a manifeftation of him would put ftrength in me, Job xxiii. 6. as formerly in fweet experience I had found. 6. I was then only pleafed, and could never approve myfelf; but when I found my foul in fome measure moulded into a compliance with the defign of the gofpel, Rom. vi. 17. emptied of felf, fubjected to the Lord, and careful to have him alone exalted.

8 The next remarkable effect of this discovery was, That it fet me right as to my chief end in some meafure, and made me look to the glory of God, which formerly I had ftill in all the courfes I took for my own eafe, no real concern for. Now mine eye was made in fome meafure fingle, Matth. vi. 22. in eying the Lord's honour, which in this light was feen to be confiftent with my own happines; and my regard to this, wherein that evangelical felf-denial, which the Lord every where calls for, confifts, difcovered itself amidst all the strugglings which I afterward found of that detestable idol felf, for obtaining its former room; 1. It manifefted itself in frequent defires, that the Lord alone might be exalted and glorified in my life or by my death, Phil. i, 20, 2. It kept my foul fix'd in the perfuafion of this, That it was every way meet that I should take shame and confufion to myself, as what truly and only belonged to me, and that the Glory of my falvation was only and entirely the Lord's due. Dan, ix. 8, 9. 3. In a watchful obfervation of the

F 4

ftirrings

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

ftirrings, and the most fecret actings of felf, feeking to advance itfelf upon the ruin of the Lord's honour, and to the prejudice of it; and when I was not able to bear it down, I yet ftill cry'd against it, Not unto us, &c. Pfalm cxv, 1. Yea, I redoubled my cries in oppofition to its impudent endeavours, Not 6 unto us, Lord, not to us, but to thy name be the glory.' 4 I was brought to look upon it as the prin cipal enemy. on which I was always to have an eye; Gal ii. 20. and therefore where the leaft occafion offered, I had at least, when not otherwife out of cafe, ftill a not-I, ready as a coutionagainst it. 1 Cor. XV. IO. 2 Cor. x. 5. And, 5, The remaining felt power and activity of this idol, ftill has been one of my greatest grievances, Rom. vii. 24. 6. I never was fatisfied, nor found comfort, Rom. vii.25. but where this idol is difcernably at under, and no victory is fo refreshing, as what at any time, is in more or less obtained over this. Phil. iii. 8, 9. 7. As the Apostles, 2 Cor. iv. 5, and 6. compared, by the fhining of the 'Light of the knowlege of the glory of God into their minds, were made to preach not themselves, but • Chrift Jefus the Lord.' So whenever this light fhone, according to the measure of its clearness, and its continuance, the intereft of felf was weakned in my foul, and I was made to feek not myfelf but Chrift Jefus the Lord.

9. The evidence of this change was for fome time frequently darkned, by which I found, whenever I was again by the prevalency of fin, challenges thence arifing, or the Lord's hiding, brought under any fears of my own falvation; then my thoughts were ingroffed, and as it were wholly and only taken up about my own fafety, and my concern for the Lord's glory not then appearing, I was thereby caft under fears that I was altogether felfifh; bat the Lord at Jength cleared up this cafe to me. Our minds are weak, they have many concerns, fome whereof they

value more, fome lefs; they cannot thro' their weaknefs and limited nature, be intent in their thoughts about all, or even many of them, at once. And therefore when any one, though the leaft of them, is in hazard, their care must be taken up mainly, and as it were about that only Luke xv. 4. Even the good fhepherd, tho' really he values the ninety and nine more than the one lost sheep yet when it is loft, he feems to leave all the reft, and imploy all his thoughts as it were about that: But when all are equally fafe, and none of our concerns are in any visible hazard, then is the only proper time to judge what is really uppermost in the foul; that which it then is moft fre. quently with, delights moft in, and can leaft think of parting with, that is uppermoft. That which has the heart is the treasure. Matth. vi. 21. And the Lord let me fee that my foul was, when all was fafe, wholly almost taken up in viewing with delight the manifeftations of his glory in the face of Jesus Christ.

10. Before I proceed to take notice of any other effects of this difcovery, I fhall reprefent in a few particulars, the pleafant way whereby the Lord carried on this change as to the chief end; when the Lord came to work this change, I was funk under the weighting fenfe of this, that I had deftroyed myself, Hof. xiii. 9. and deeply concerned to know how I might be faved. ibid. Ifa xlv. 24. 2dly, The Lord made me first look up by a difcovery of falvation and help which answered my concern about my own cafe. 3. When I looked to this falvation, I found it in him. 4. When by this means I came to fee his glory fhining in the contrivance for my falvation by the luftre of it, I was affected fo, that I begun to value it above all things, and look on it as of that importance, that, provided it were fecured, all other things, the highest concerns of the creature not excepted, were of finall moment, Phili, 20. And, 5. Herein view ing theglory of his goodness in ordering it fo, that

« AnteriorContinuar »