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ways suitably affected with my own or others breaches yet this was my burden ; I wish'd always that rivers of tears might run down my eyes, because I, or other transgressors kept not God's Law. Pfalm cxix. 136, 9. Even when sin prevail'd, and I was afraid to be ruined, when that which was ordained for life, proved death to me, even then my liking to the law, and value for conformity continued , all this notwithstanding I consented to the law, that it was holy, just and good. Rom vij. 10, 16. 10. The fins which through the force of temptation I frequently relapsed in,yet were, and I durft appeal to the searcher of hearts as to the truth of this, what I would not do : That is, what the constant bent of my will (when not under the immediate force of a temptation, Rom vii. 12. when I was not myfelf) was set against. II. Now nothing appear'd more satisfactory in heaven, than a prospect of being there, satisfied with his likeness. Pfalm xvii. 15. 12. I looked on the remainder of fin, as my greatest misery and burden, and that which made me truly a wretched man, Rom vii 24. and daily cry for deliverance. In a word, I saw that if I could reach conformity to God's law, I would have pleasure, and peace, and liberty. Prov iii, 17, All wisdom's ways are ' ways of peace, her paths plea•'fantness, her commandments not grievous,' i John V. 3. her yoke light, and nothing uneasie, but that remaining unsubdued corruption thatwould not stoop to put its neck under the yoke, Matth xi. 39, 30. This effect was the most discernible of any under temptations, and has food me in the best stead.
12. A fourth discernable effect of this discovery, was the exercise of evangelical repentance, which was very different in many respects from that sorrow' I before was acquainted with. 1, In its rise, forrow formerly flowed from discoveries of sin, as it brings on wrath now it flowed from a sense of sin, as con. taining wretched unkindness in one, who was aston
ishingly kind to an unworthy wretch. I looked upon him whom I had pierced, and mourned, Zach xii. 10. 0! What an unkind wretch am I, to provoke such à God, who has followed me with so much mercy, and yet offers kindness? 3. Sorrow formerly wrought death, 2 Cor vi. 10. alienated my heart from God, and so dispirited for duty, and made me fear hurt from him : But this sorrow fillid my heart with kindness to God, to his way, sweetned my soul, and endeared God ta it. It flowed from a sense of his favour, to an unworthy wretch that deserved none, and was thug a godly forrow leading to kindness to God. drawing near to him, but with much humble senle of my own unworthiness, like the returning prodigal, when he saw his father coming to meet him. Luke xv. 30,21. 3. The more God manifested of his kindness, the more this still increaled; when he was pacified, I was ashamed and confounded. Ezek xvi. 63. After I was turned, I repented, I (mote upon my breast, and was alhamed and confounded for my stray, ings.: Jer. xxxi: 19. 4. The sorrow I had before I look'd on as a burden,it was nothing but a telfish concern for my own safety, and a fear of being made to feel the effects of a righteous resentinent of God, But this sorrow was fweet and pleasant, as being the exercise of filial gratitude, and I took pleasure in the surprizing manifestations of God's favour to one so unworthy, and in acknowleging my own unworthiness. Psalm lxxiii. 22, 23, A sense of iny ingratitude when kept within, covered me with blushes, and I was eas'd when the Lord allowed me to vent my sense of it, and pour it as it were in his bosom. 5. This sorrow was a spring of activity in the way of duty, and I was glad to be employed in the meanest'earrand
that might give opportunity to evidence how deeply 3. I resented my former disobedience. Luke xv. 19.
Make me as one of thy hired servants. 6. In a word, it had all the marks in some measure, which the a.
postle gives of the exercise of this grace. It was a godly forrow, coming from God, it led to God, as always what comes from him in a way of grace, leads to him in a way of duty. It wrought repentance unto life, not to be repented of: 3 Cor. vi. 10. it issued in a return to the way of life, and to such a course, as upon a review I did not repent of, but delighted in, and desired to be carried further on in. And still in as far as this sorrow obtained, there was a liveliness in following this way, that leads to salvation or life. It wrought carefulness to avoid sin, and please God, indignation against sin, fear of offending God again, vehement defire of having fin removed, the Lord glorified, and obedience promoted : It wrought zeal for God, and re
venge against myself and sin. It was not as former for· row, pregnant with pride, stifness, and unwillingness
to undergo any chastisement; but it humbled, fofined the soul, and wrought a willingness to bear the indig. nation of the Lord when I had finned against him. In a word, I was glad when the Lord allowed me any measure of it, and grieved when. I found it wanting, and cry'd to the prince exalted, for it, because of the good effects it had, and the real advantage I found by it, with respect unto the whole of that obedience the Lord requires:
13. A fifth discernible effect of this discovery was, a humble, but sweet and comfortable hope, and perfwasion of my own salvation, answerable to the clearness of this discovery, that is, rising in strength, or growing more weak, and less discernable, as the diso coveries of the way of salvation were more or less clcar and strong. Now because this is what I take for gospel assurance with the worthy doctor Orven, I shall give some further account of it, as I found it then and since, I, When the Lord gave this discovery of his way of salvation, he satisfied me, that it was a way full of peace and security, the only safe way whereon I might fafely venture, and hereby, as I told formerly,
I was fully perswaded, That this was the way wherein I mould walk. Ifa. xxx. 21. Hereby I was freed from that disquieting fear, that in trusting to it, I was trust. ing to that which would fail. I was satisfied, I could not fail otherwise than by missing this way, I doubted of myself, but not of the way. 2. The Lord by the discovery above-mentioned, did powerfully draw : my soul to close with it, and in so far.as I cleave to,
and closed with this, in so far, considering the former discovery of the safety of this way, I could not doubt of the issue, but was sweetly satisfied, That my expectation mould not be cut off, Prov. xxiii. 18, nor my labour in vain in pursuing this course. While I cleave to, and reposed with fatisfaction on what I was convinced was safe, I could not, in so far as I lean'd. to this, bot be quiet and composed about the issue, Which shews how nearly allied faith and affurance are, though they are not the same, and therefor no wonder the one should be taken for the other. 3. Hereby I was animated to walk on in this way, and follow duty; and finding, as I went on in duty, that so far as I proceeded, my expectation was not disappointed, still according to fuccels, this hope insensibly and secretly grew. This God is our God, we have waited for him and he will save us. Isa, xxv. 9. 4. This discovery manifesting falvation in a way of selfdenial, and trust only in the Lord; nothing so foon marred this hope, as the least appearance of self, and stirring of pride. Whenever the Glory of the Lord was revealed, and he spake peace, I was hereon fillid with shame, and the dee per this humiliation was, still the humble confidence of my fafety increased. Ezek. xvi. 63. Now these two last remarks shew, how far this assurance is from any consistency with negligence, much less does it foster it: For it grows only upon adherence to the Lord's way, and is strengthned by
a successful pursuit of salvation in the Lord's way. • To intermit or neglect duty, razes the foundation, or
at least, lay's an unsurmountable stop in the way of its progress and growth. And further, it is widely differenced from that uirassaulted confidence some pretended to which is a fruit of pride, and fosters it, as the last remark clears. In a word, the case is plainly thus, this way the Lord discovers, is fafe for a selfcondemned sinner. I am fafe in a practical adherence to it. The further I go, and the closer I in practice
cleave to this way, hope of his falvation increases the · more. Here no place for sloth, but a Spur to dili
gence, as what will not be in vain in the issue, and is attended with the comfort in every step, as carrying still nearer the desired falvation. And this safety aris. ing from a renunciation of all confidence in the flesh, and a trust only in the sovereign grace of God thro' Christ; there is no place for confidence in ourselves, or pride in any degree, the least degree of pride being a step out of this way of peace and safety.
14. A sixth discernible difference was with respect to the ordinances of the Lord's appointment. Psalm xxvi. 4. This discovery, i. Drew me to follow them as the Lord's institutions and appointed means of obtaining discoveries of his beauty. 2. It made me follow after discoveries of the Lord's glory in them, and discoveries from him of myself, my case, my sin, my duty. I desired to behold the Beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple. ibid. 3. It put me to the Lord to seek these discoveries from him, and to pray with respect both to myself, and those concerned in the dispensation of the gospel, one thing have I de• fired of the Lord. ibid. This was now more conftant, I desired and fought after it. 5. I was brought to more of liveliness, when the Lord discovered himself, my soul then followed hard after him Pfulm 1xjii. 8. cxix. 32, 65, 4. when his hand upheld me, and when he drew I run. 6. When the Lord enlarged and caused me to approach to him, and see his glory, he still humbled me, discovered felf, and put me in oppoldi.