Invida, ma s'agli occhi il varco chiude, In the intercourse of lovers or friends nothing ought more to be avoided than too much familiarity. Familiarity is injurious to affection in three ways: First, it may make us acquainted with little weaknesses and peculiarities, and so give birth to contempt: Secondly, it may disclose some bodily defect or unpleasantness, and thus create disgust: and thirdly, by leading to unwarrantable liberties it wounds pride, and hence produces dislike. In all cases, the vitæ Postcenia are carefully to be hid. Celanda vitæ Postcenia.43 Moreover, everything relating to sense cannot be too sedulously shrouded in the gossamer veil of the imagination. If the saying be true, that "a prophet is of no honour in his own country," it is owing to this that he is known too familiarly; so that any peculiarity +2 Come per acqua, o per cristallo, intero E ne fa le sue fiamme in lui più vive. La Gerusalemme Liberata, Canto iv. st. 31, 32. 43 Nec Veneres nostras hoc fallit: quo magis ipsæ Omnia summopere hos vitæ postcenia celant, Quos retinere volunt, adscriptosque esse in amore. Lucret. Lib. iv. 1179. while the gay and animated scarcely perceives any. The former is open to every annoyance, the latter to every delight; the one, after travelling over Europe, tells of the impositions, the discomfort, the dirt, the loathsome insects he has met with; while the other dwells on the charms of scenery, the pleasing contrast of manners and customs, the useful institutions of the present day, and the, interesting recollections of the past. Cælum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt, says the poet; and in part he is right, for the mind we bring with us casts a light or a shadow on every object. 38 Having already alluded to ABSENCE as a promoter of love, and having accounted for its effects on the two principles of variety and privation, little remains to be said under that head. Here, however, I must allude to the opinion of Rochefoucauld, who has said that absence diminishes moderate, and increases strong passions. There is truth in this, but not the exact truth. The fact seems to be, that absence, like difficulty, has a two-fold effect; it first inflames, and afterwards deadens passion; but the period which may elapse before the secondary result take place, will depend upon the original force of the desire. In the beginning, absence always acts in the former way; but when prolonged, in the latter. No passion is so weak as not to be enforced for a moment by absence, and none is so strong as to resist it when long continued. The time at which the reverse effect 38 L'absence diminue les mediocres passions et augmente les grandes, comme le vent qui éteint les bougies et allume le feu. Maxime 284. shall commence admits of infinite variety, and therefore cannot be exactly stated. Besides the original strength of the passion, the nature of the life led by the parties, and the turn of their minds, will materially influence the period during which the primary effect of absence shall be felt. A life of great variety, of study, or of business will of course sooner drive the absent object from the mind than one of monotony, idleness, or contemplation ; and a deep, retentive, melancholic character will not so soon forget as the gay and the frivolous. This is so obvious as scarcely to deserve notice. Absence seems to imply separation at a distance, and this, no doubt, produces the greatest effects, whether in the way of increasing or diminishing love; for when the beloved object is within our reach, the knowledge that we can see it when we please does away greatly with the feeling of privation, but prevents us from forgetting. So, absence from one's native country at a great distance, makes one long for it extremely, or else forget it altogether. Another reason is, that separation near at hand is not likely to be of long duration. It is, however, very valuable, because always in our own power. Scarcely any persons, however fond, can be all day together without getting tired of each other's company. The lover, husband, or friend who has any knowledge of human nature will be aware of this, and will take care by a timely separation to prevent that wearisome feeling so injurious to every affection. Lovers are constantly complaining that they cannot see enough of each other, but fortunate are those who complain; for if or be not susceptible of real love; for those who have very elevated and refined ideas of the affection, are unwilling to believe that it ever can be felt by the grossly sensual. Nor can it, exactly in their sense of the word; for what these last experience, though composed of the very same elements, differs so widely in the proportions, that it might almost pass for a separate species; but in truth it is only a variety. So long as the four elements are found at all, we may say that love exists; but if any be utterly wanting, we must adopt another term. Thus lust is specifically distinguished from love. The most constant variety to be met with is that between man's and woman's love. We have before remarked that women are more refined than men, and we should therefore suppose that this difference in character would show itself particularly in that passion, so important to the female heart. It has been observed by Madame de Stäel, that love which forms but an episode in the life of man, often occupies a great part of woman's. Women are undoubtedly more constant than men, and not only are less given to change the object of their affections, but they can feel warmly for a much longer time. This, in all probability, depends upon a difference in the nature of their love, and especially upon this, that the sensual desire is comparatively weak in them, while the social is not only relatively but absolutely stronger than in men. Sometimes the wish for the happiness of the object, and sometimes the wish for its affections may be the predominant feeling, but sense is rarely supreme. And as those refined in clinations are commonly more lasting than the gross, we need not be surprised that the love in which they prevail should better stand the test of time. But, whatever may be thought of this explanation, the fact, I conceive, is certain, that female love is peculiarly constant, durable, refined, and self-denying, willing to make the greatest sacrifices for the sake of the happiness of another. It is retiring, tender, beneficent, and confiding, rather than passionate; though on fit occasions it can display the greatest energy. In the very enthusiasm of love, Juliet is made to say: Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face; Soon after she says: In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond; And therefore thou may'st think my 'haviour light: What a picture of enthusiastic attachment have we in the following lines: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, And of devotedness in these : If that thy bent of love be honourable, Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite; And follow thee, my lord, throughout the world. |