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CONTENTS.
CHAPTER I.
Spread, Narrowsmith and Co.-Picture of a fine Family-The Reverend Mr.
Owlet-Character of Mr. Spread-The Model House in Abercromby
Square-The Spreadlings-The celebrated Mrs. Martin-Revolutions of
Mrs. Spread's Nursery-Miss Stanley, the Churchwoman-Miss Picker-
ing, the Jobber
Page 13
CHAPTER II.
Dissolution of the Firm-Mr. Spread's Motives-Passion for Rural Life-Mr.
Spread's Parliamentary Habits-A Domestic Parliament-Who constituted
the Upper House-Portrait of Mrs. Martin-Breakfast-Talk on Bees-
Philip Spread upon Insect-Geometry-Triumph of the Country Party-
Regrets of the Mother of the Family
CHAPTER III.
21
Friendships of Mr. Spread—Mr. Barker, the Bachelor of the Albany-His
Intellectual Character-His Three Hatreds-Whether Mr. Barker had a
Heart or not-Approach of Christmas-Preparations for it in Liverpool—
Old Mrs. Briscoe-The Smyly Girls-Mr. St. Leger-Mr. Spread called
to London-What the Junior Spreads thought of Mr. Barker-Specula-
tions on his Coming-Philip Spread's Inconstancy, and Sudden Devotion
to Astronomy 27
CHAPTER IV.
Mr. Spread in London-The Albany-The Bachelor's Chambers-His Break-
fast-His Library-The Bachelor appears-His Person, Dress, and Address
-His Convivial Correspondence, and Comments thereon-Peeps into Lon-
don Houses-The Animals' Friends' Society-Barker offered the Vice-
presidency, and declines it-His Scheme of Life-His odd Opinions on
Winds-Spread's Cowardice-Barker and Spread Paralleled.
CHAPTER V.
Page 33
Round Tables and Square Ones-Claret and Sherry-Mr. Barker is excited
and pugnacious-Holds up a Mirror to Mr. Spread-Dancing in Fetters-
Barker agrees to spend the Christmas at Liverpool-Energetic Aphorism
of Mr. Spread—The Northeast Wind-Mr. Spread discloses to the Bach-
elor his rural Plans-The Bachelor's Wrath-Observations on Content-
ment and a Homily on Social Obligations
CHAPTER VI.
40
Mr. Spread in search of a House-Conflicting Tastes in Houses-Arguments
for and against Norwood-Mrs. Harry Farquhar-Mr. Barker accompa-
nies Spread House-hunting-The Poetry of Auctioneering-Remarks on
the Names and Sites of Villas-Mr. Spread finds a House to suit the Nar-
rowsmiths, but no House to suit Himself-The House-hunters' Return to
Town-Dine at the Piazza, Covent Garden-The Four Novelists-Their
interesting Conversation-How Mr. Spread found by Accident what he
had failed to discover by laborious Investigation
CHAPTER VII.
47
The Tropics of Life-Mr. Barker starts for Liverpool-Rail-way Reading—
Mutual Scrutiny of Faces-Litigious Behavior of the Bachelor-His Char-
acter of Lord Brougham and of Sir Robert Peel-Interesting discovery of
a London Student-Barker attacks the Squires-The Company changes-
Old Mrs. Briscoe and her fat Maid-A Nephew in search of an Uncle-
Conduct of the Nephew-Mr. Barker overhears an alarming Conversation
-How he got involved with Mrs. Briscoe and two other Petticoats--And
in what an amiable Character he arrived at Mr. Spread's
CHAPTER VIII.
53
A Winter's Night in Mrs. Spread's Drawing-room-How it was furnished-
Picture of Mrs. Spread reading-Mr. Barker and Mr. Spread make them-
selves comfortable, and wrangle at their Ease-The President's Message
-Mr. Barker quarrels with Pico, the Lap-dog-The Critic on the Hearth
—A Whist Party extraordinary, and an Invitation to a Miser's House-
warming
Page 62
CHAPTER IX.
The Dispersion-Mrs. Briscoe's Anxieties about lazy Letty-The Smyly girls
at Beauty-set-Mr. Barker in Bed-The Watches of the Night-Mrs. Bris-
coe's nocturnal Attentions to the Bachelor-Breakfast-Appearance of
Owlet-The Pie of Pies-How Owlet ate it-Results of Mrs. Briscoe's
Activity-Petrarch and Laura-What detained Mr. Owlet-Rehearsal of
the Miracle Play of Balaam-Revival of an Eremitical Institution . 72
CHAPTER X.
Christmas in the House of a Miser-Gripus and his Wife in Council-A
Winter-piece-How Mrs. Narrowsmith affected the Thermometer-Who
were to be asked to the House-warming-Proposition to invite the Bach-
elor to Tea-Isaac Narrowsmith resolves to give Champagne-His wife
determines not to have Napkins-Character of Mr. Narrowsmith-Their
Tea-table-How Providence sent the Miser a Silver Fourpence
80
CHAPTER XI.
The Night before the House-warming-Mrs. Narrowsmith compared to
Agamemnon-A Miser's Cook-Her Professional Career-Deeds without
a Name The Polar Expedition-The Miser's Company-A Cold Fire-
Thirteen at Table-Who made the Fourteenth-A Monosyllabic Lady and
a Dissyllabic Lady-Misconduct of Doctor Prout-Use of an Epergne-
Pursuits of Literature at a Dinner-Table-An Irish Row-Mr. Barker on
Absenteeism-Mr. Barker charms Mr. Crackenthorpe 88
CHAPTER XII.
The Miser's Salons-Mrs. Narrowsmith's Taste in Colors-Fascinations of
Maria Theresa-Historiette of a Shipwrecked Girl-Laura and Petrarch
have a Tête-à-tête-A Monster-Meeting-Mrs. Narrowsmith is caught
doing Something very shabby-Mr. Barker retreats-His Retreat is inter-
cepted-He refuses to sing, but is forced to dance-He is confounded by
a Name in a Stranger's Hat, and wishes himself back in the Albany 99
CHAPTER XIII.
Chat about Grace-Mr. Spread and Mr. Barker differ about the Amount of
Villainy in the World-The Bachelor sets the Breakfast-table in a Roar-
He is humiliated by Mrs. Martin-Mrs. Martin delivers a Lecture on the
Art of Conversation-Theodore meditates an Outrage to the Bachelor, and
is brought before Mrs. Martin's Correctional Tribunal-Mrs. Spread visits
Mrs. Narrowsmith-Mrs. Spread takes a bold Resolution-Grace discovered
to be a Heroine
Page 108
CHAPTER XIV.
Omens of a happy Summer-Mr. Spread's Attentions to Mrs. Martin—A
Laughing Dinner-table-Spread on Epergnes-Definition of good Table-
talk-what spoiled the House-warming in the Opinion of the Bachelor
and Laura-Laura's Superiority to Elizabeth Spread in the Art of Adapta-
tion-Mr. Barker plays the Critic again-Grace Medlicott's cold Boudoir
-Laura's Sobriquet for Mrs. Narrowsmith-Observations on the Thermom-
eter-Music . 116
CHAPTER XV.
The Furies of the Real World-Further Acquaintance of the Spreads with
Miss Medlicott-The Trials of that Young Lady-Her Conquest of Philip
—Mr. Barker returns to Town-How he performed the Duties of a Print-
er's Devil-How he acted as a Common Carrier-Mrs. Harry Farquhar
again-Portrait of that Lady-The Bachelor pays for interfering in the
Question of the Spreads' Change of Residence—He gets a smart Scolding,
and narrowly escapes something smarter still-Fortune thrusts Honor and
Responsibility upon him—Mr. Spread perplexed-Mysterious Disappear-
ance of Grace Medlicott and Philip Spread
CHAPTER XVI.
125
The Topic of the Clubs-Mrs. Harry Farquhar electioneering-Masculine
Women and Ladylike Men-Perverse Purity of the Electors of Borough
cross-Tom Turner writes a spicy Article-How Mrs. Harry went down
to the Borough, and in what State she returned to Town-The Times of
the 10th of February-How Barker was advertised for-How he was af-
fected by his Return to Parliament-His Correspondence with Mr. Spread